One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Gabby Bernstein, said, “When you think you’ve surrendered, surrender more.”
Recently, I had sustained four compression fractures in my spine and could not go to work for a couple of weeks. I used up my sick days, and depleted my savings as I tried to keep up with my cost of living. Further, I am now facing a probable spine surgery, and I am unable to return to work at this time. Chronic, severe pain limits my ability to walk, sit or stand for too long.
My soul mother and another favorite spiritual teacher, Sheila Pearl, reminded me of Gabby’s quote. “Surrender.”
Sheila and some of my other closest friends suggested that I allow them to create a Go Fund Me campaign. Absolutely not! I am very uncomfortable accepting help from others.
I have always taken care of myself. I’m independent, I pay all of my bills, I do not lean on anyone for anything…until I became physically incapacitated, suddenly, abruptly losing my only source of income.
I never would have believed that this could happen to someone like me. But illness/injury can happen at anytime. And so, it was time for me to “surrender more.” As I try to process all of this that happened almost overnight, I am still uncomfortable with allowing myself to accept help from others. I applied for disability and the amount that the government “gives” to a person in my position is unconscionable. I can now understand how people become homeless, and go hungry.
My friends and family have encouraged me to allow myself to accept the generosity of others as they remind me of the many people that I have served over the years in the field of mental health and substance use disorder. “You’ve helped so many over the years. Now it’s time for you to allow others to help you in this time of need.”
A concept that I am still getting to know, and one that is creating an uncomfortable, uneasy feeling. I allow myself to feel it all. It is a process.
No income, and limited time left on my health insurance has given me a whole new perspective on just how fleeting life can be, and is. However, I am a rich woman in terms of friends, love, and unconditional support. I am reminded of the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life” where Harry toasts his brother George referring to the community gathering to support George in his time of financial need, “To my brother George, the richest man in town.”
I know that there is a spiritual lesson to be learned through my circumstances. Each day I strive to find the deeper meaning through a wider lens and open perspective so that I may use this lesson to serve others in the future.
I have surrendered.