Month: October 2022

Until I was able to look straight into the eyes that were looking back at me in the mirror that I finally was brave enough to see, I believed his vision of me.

Never pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough.
The truth is that was never about me.

I turned the mirror towards him.
He turned his back and ran away. Literally.

You see, when one has no integrity and is not brave enough to do the inner work, they deflect. 

Deflection is a cowards game.

Deflection is one’s way of avoiding ones own truth, and a weak man’s excuse to avoid telling the truth.

Reflection takes inner strength where one authentically and courageously looks at oneself, without judgement, as is, using ones senses to connect with ones Higher self, and Spirit, with willingness to create the change you inherently know is needed….as an “evolved” being rather than pointing out the defects of others.

Love,

Wendy

I love to observe. I watch people’s facial expressions and body language. I witness beautiful souls with an open space where they embrace others unconditionally.

I also witness from others rolling of the eyes, those who turn their back and look the other way when someone they are in conflict with approaches.

I know the circumstances behind the “conflict.” Almost infantile and empty. Behavior that I would expect from a young child who is being disciplined for unbecoming and unhealthy reactions followed by self pity.

I believe that there is so much dissension amongst grown adults due to fear, envy and ignorance. 

Rather than taking the time to listen and “see,” the other person, some take the easy way out.

Judgement. Separation. Disconnect.

I feel only empathy and compassion for these souls. There is something within themselves that is so miserable that they will not allow themselves to acknowledge it, process it, and to release it, and so they channel that anger, hurt, and frustration outwards.

It’s a good way to deflect, but trust me, when they are in the silence of their own space…

They absolutely know right from wrong, and their truth.

And it is painful.

Choose empathy. Pray for them.

They are in pain.

And remind yourself that this all about them, and not about you.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

If there had been support and resources for mental health, substance use disorder and wellness decades ago, I would’ve had the opportunity to have decades added to my life. I am in my 10th year of recovery from prescription drug addiction and co-occurring mental health disorders. I am now 64 years old.

I see all of the amazing work being done by my younger colleagues in the field of mental health and wellness, and pine to be able to do the same. THIS IS MY GREATEST DESIRE, AND PASSION.

My business and my book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care have definitely served others.

I wonder if I am too old to reach the young demographic that I believe needs to hear my story in order to feel inspiration and hope. Probably.

So, I will continue going forward, seeking all opportunities to share my journey of recovery through an Integrative Approach to Wellness, a program that I created and that I practice using natural and organic solutions alongside of traditional care, when necessary.

And perhaps at the right time, the Universe will provide me with the opportunity that I am seeking…to serve our global population. A worldwide book and speaking tour.

Perhaps…

Read my book to learn more: https://writeprayrecover.com

Love and blessings,

Wendy

I always maintain that I am stronger than Lupus.

Until now.

The past week after returning back to a full time job as a Reading Specialist in a school district that encompasses an 8 hour day, excessive walking, standing and sitting (although I was given accomodations to avoid this but is unavoidable), driving 60 miles round trip, and running my business to provide mental health and wellness coaching and workshops before and after school hours, I have learned that I am no match for my diagnosis of Lupus/Inflammatory Arthritis.

The arthritis is in my spine which radiates into my jaw and arms, alongside of a nerve impingement and degenerative disc disease which affects my walking and standing. Oh, and if I sit more than a few minutes, that doesn’t work either.

I have purchased a thick foam pad for underneath my feet, 3 pairs of expensive sneakers that are listed as “the best choice for standing on concrete floors all day,” have been given a standing desk in my office, and I sit with a heating pad on my back for relief most of the day. Motrin does not get to the pain. I will not take pain medication because I am dedicated to my recovery from prescription drug addiction now in my 10th year of recovery.

I am not stronger than my challenges, however…

I am doing my best every day to remain positive, and to look for a deeper meaning…

A SPIRITUAL MEANING to my challenges.

My body needs a gentle flow, rest, love and daily physical therapy to maintain my wellness. It needs nourishment body, mind and spirit.

Instead my body is swollen, it feels heavy, and the pain is systemic. The severity of the pain affects my thinking. Yesterday was the worst. I had complete brain fog just 30 minutes into my day. NO RELIEF. The pain literally takes my breath away. Recently a doctor shrugged at me and said, “There’s nothing else I can do for you.” WOW.

And…

Instead of giving myself what I know that my body needs to thrive…

I work to live.

Many of us have no choice.

At 64 years old and living with these challenges in addition to no financial resources, I am forced to do my PT at home at 4am, in excruciating pain and through a few tears, limp into the bathroom to take a shower, put on my makeup as I brace my body up against the sink to take the pressure off of my spine, sit with heat on my back for a few minutes, carry my briefcase, lunch bag and books to the car, drive to work, (thankful for the heated seats and lumbar support seat) carry everything into my building, and by the time I get there, my poor body is reeling in pain, spasms, and exhaustion. This even after the doctor said, “Do not carry anything heavier than a fork.” But, I cannot pull one of those suitcases on wheels, and there is nobody to assist me when I arrive at work.

And, because I have no choice other than to “work to live,” I have now had to agree to take a medication that I have said no to for years that treats Lupus/Arthritis. It is a drug that is normally used for depression, but in a very small dose (10mg) I am told it treats this type of pain. “Nortriptyline works by increasing the amount of specific nerve transmitters in the nervous system, reducing pain messages arriving in the brain.”

So it is NOT treating or curing my disease, it is just a band-aid. And it is screwing with my very healthy brain…one I have prided myself in taking special care of these last 10 years of my recovery from prescription drug addiction.

Spiritual meaning??? Hmmmm…

A couple of days ago as my specialist looked at the severe swelling in my knees, she said all I can do is ice, and elevate.

WHEN??? WHERE???

And, she said I need to “increase the Nortriptyline to 20mg for more effective pain management.” So that I can go to work…

WTF…

I’ve had cortisone injections, 2 epidurals, and exercise every day walking at least 2 miles, PT, drink plenty of water, eat very “clean” with no sugar, gluten, dairy or processed foods, and only organic foods are in my diet in order to avoid inflammation, and have used every concoction of holistic supplements to try to reduce my inflammation. I have tried massages, and acupuncture. Nothing is long lasting for this type of pain.

I KNOW my body and I am expericing systemic inflammation ongoing. Physical and mental stress keeps our bodies in a state of inflammation.

I work to serve our global community in mental health and wellness which is my passion. I use my lived and field experience, as well as my book Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care to offer solutions to achieve wellness. This brings me joy.

My children and grandchildren bring me joy.

However, the pain and every symptom that I am experiencing zaps my energy.

I work to live.

I go to work, and come home to go to bed.

Yet, I am still “going deeper” to find the spiritual meaning of what seems to be a life lesson.

I’m not there yet…

To be continued…

Love and blessings,

Wendy

Our greatest growth is when we realize our limitations being inflicted by the story we repeat to ourselves, and we finally decide to step out of that mindset and awaken into the loving arms of the Universe where everything is a possibility.

Love,

Wendy

When one runs out of options, I have seen a precious soul give up on life.

Homeless, hungry and hopeless.

How do we help our global community to realize that suicide is so final, and never the answer.

Our precious global “brothers and sisters” are struggling with so much, and so much of it is financial hardship. Some nearing homelessness and hunger, and some who are already living this horrific reality…in the USA.

As I live with this real fear, daily, I stand with our global community and wonder…

What is the solution…

Love,

Wendy

What has happened to us as a collective community? The people who were once so willing to stay connected and to sincerely care about how “we are doing” seem to have withdrawn.

I hear this from clients, and I am experiencing this in my own life. Some people will stay connected, but you can viscerally feel the “arms length” connection.

Have we become so exhausted and hardened through our global challenges that we have retreated, even from those we once stayed connected to daily?

Have we become so consumed with our own challenges that we can’t even make the time to send a simple text or to make time for a connection call? To ask another “how are you” and really listen to their answer?

Well, not this woman.

No matter what is going on in my life, I will always remain present and connected to those that I love and those whom I serve…always.

I know what it feels like to be discarded, and I will never cause another precious human being to feel that way.

We are all experiencing many similar challenges and adversity, and we become a closer community when we share and support our loved ones, and neighbors.

Love and connection is the antidote.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

If someone repeatedly shows you who they are, and you don’t want to “see” it, God steps in to show you in the most brutally enlightening way… in a way that you could not see with your human sight.

There is NO denying it anymore.

When we allow ourselves to see beyond our physical limitations, God shows us “truth.”

Take your time with processing the information. Love always remains, but reality is sobering. I choose to be sober. Open your eyes. The “truth” is blinding.

Love,

Wendy