Tag: mentalhealthawareness

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Listen to your Gut:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

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Listening has become a lost art. Nothing reveals character faster than a conversation.

People often mistake talking for connecting. They aren’t the same. Real connection is built in the pauses…in the questions…in the genuine curiosity to understand another person’s inner world without rushing to tell your own story…to exercise empathy, and to cultivate true meaning between two people who are exploring each other…

The fastest way to make someone feel invisible is to interrupt the story they’re trying to tell…Be mindful that being heard is one of the purest forms of connecting…and eventually…being loved…

The questions we ask reveal far more about our character than the stories we tell…

As in the “eye of the tiger,” I am observing it all…

I’ve learned to observe less what a man says about himself and more how genuinely curious he is about my inner world. 

Your intuition often speaks loudest while someone else is talking.

Curiosity is one of love’s earliest expressions.

Shhhhh…Ask. Listen. Respond.

Love and blessings,


Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

The Story of Ordinary Moments:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

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People reveal themselves in dozens of ordinary moments through patterns of micro-behaviors. Character isn’t usually exposed in dramatic events…it is revealed in the quiet, ordinary and purposeful choices people make every day.

Being consistent in showing up in a relationship. Following through without excuses. Remembering what matters to you. Making you feel emotionally safe instead of emotionally uncertain. Taking accountability rather than deflecting. Accountability is a form of intimacy. Offering kindness without it needing to be earned. A text just because…just to say, “I’m thinking about you.”

Just as importantly, people reveal themselves through what they consistently don’t do.

The lack of effort. The lack of curiosity about your life, while focusing most conversations on themselves. The lack of empathy when you’re hurting. The lack of reciprocity. The lack of honesty and integrity. The lack of consistency. The lack of emotional presence. The pattern of making excuses to shield their truth.

Over time, those absences become just as revealing as any action.

Patterns quietly tell the story that words often try to hide.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

A Constructive Response:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

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When an insect continues to circle your head incessantly, buzzing in your ear, you try to swat it away repeatedly, but unsuccessfully. Eventually, instinct kicks in, and you swat it to the floor.

Remember… when you repeatedly poke me, jab at me, and purposely inflict pain, get ready to be slammed—metaphorically…

Because I don’t get even…

I just write about it.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Like A Rock:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

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There comes a time when protecting your peace means walking away from relationships…no matter who the relationship is with…that repeatedly disrespect your boundaries, dismiss your experiences, and refuse to speak with kindness.

Relationships don’t require us to agree on every issue, nor do they require perfection. They should, however, offer a soft place to fall when life hurts…a place where you don’t have to brace yourself after a difficult day, where ridicule isn’t used as a weapon, your past isn’t questioned, and your heart isn’t put on trial.

Boundaries are empowerment.

They speak of self-respect. They promote peace and well-being.

Peace begins with me, and my peace is non-negotiable.

“My hands were steady

My eyes were clear and bright

My walk had purpose

My steps were quick and light

And I held firmly

To what I felt was right.

Like a rock, I see myself again…

Like a rock.” – Bob Seger

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Divine Redesign:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

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It may look like an obstacle…it may feel like it weighs a ton…and you may not understand it in the moment…

but in my lived experience…it is a divine re-design through a spiritual re-direction to true love, joy, peace and extraordinary experiences that you were looking for in all the wrong places…

Trust the detour. Take the road less traveled with an eager mind and open heart…

It may be the only road that leads you home to yourself.

And please hear me and believe me when I say that one day you’ll stop asking, ‘Why did this happen?’ and you will smile to yourself and quietly whisper , ‘Thank God it did.”

#truestory

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

“Too Nice” is a Trauma Response: Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

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Being ‘too nice’—something I have learned to curb as I began honoring my own needs and desires first—is often praised, but sometimes it develops as a survival strategy rather than a genuine expression of kindness…a “trauma response.”

Those of us who grew up in environments where love, approval, safety, or acceptance felt conditional may learn to keep the peace by putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own. We may choose to avoid conflict, over-explain, have difficulty saying no, feel responsible for other people’s emotions, or consistently tolerate behavior that violates one’s boundaries.

The difference is that true kindness comes from choice, while people-pleasing often comes from fear—fear of rejection, abandonment, criticism, disappointment, or disapproval.

Kindness says: “I want to help.”

People-pleasing says: “I have to help, or something bad will happen.”

Many people spend years believing they are simply nice when, in reality, they are working tirelessly to earn love, safety, acceptance, and even what they think is peace. But there is nothing peaceful about repeatedly abandoning your own needs, desires, and truth in order to make others comfortable.

The healing often comes when a person realizes they can be compassionate and loving without abandoning themselves in the process…something that took me decades to learn…and finally…master…where self preservation is our greatest self care…

Boundaries and kindness can exist together.

Self care is the actions that we take to achieve wellness…and wellness is where we stand in our power.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Dominoes:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

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A single domino falls, and suddenly an entire chain of events unfolds. Sometimes the first domino was set in motion years earlier by something we didn’t choose—a childhood lesson, a painful experience, an illness, a relationship, a loss. 

Other times it’s a decision we make that quietly changes the direction of everything that follows.

This image below of the dominoes suggests that one event directly affects another…

And that’s true.

But so does one act of awareness.

One healthy choice.

One moment of courage.

One different perspective.

AFTERTHOUGHTS:

As I sit in reflection and meditation, and as I pray for perspective, this is what comes to me…

I have done the therapy. I have done the recovery work. I have examined my patterns. I have worked on unlearning old beliefs. I have fought for, and continue to fight for my health and wellness. I have tried to grow from every difficult and challenging experience.

And…at some point a person naturally looks around and says:

“Okay… when do I get to stop managing everything?” “When can I trust the dominoes to remain sturdy and standing on their own?” or “When will someone come along to lessen the load…just a tad…”

Not because I am giving up…But because I am exhausted from the constant need for maintenance.

Exhausted of tending the garden.
Exhausted of picking up the dominoes.
Exhausted of having to be so conscious, so vigilant, so self-aware all the time.

The dominoes (metaphor) never seem to stay standing. Something always comes along…a health issue, a family issue, a work issue, a relationship issue—and here I am again…being called to reset the line…because if I do not tend to the calling…”all the kings horses and all the kings men…” blah, blah, blah.

The part I would gently challenge and that which I ask myself is this: “Am I really back at the beginning each time?”

The circumstances may feel repetitive, but I engage each situation with lived experience and a wider lens of perspective where I can reframe the “assignment”.

I have to admit that eventually resilience starts to feel like a job description nobody asked for.
And when people say, “You’re so strong,” sometimes this is not a compliment…it is a burden…an expectation that I didn’t sign up for…

And you know what?!…for today…I am leaving the dominoes where they are…I am at peace with that as I take a pause to rest…

Somebody else can pick them up today…

And if nobody does, they’ll still be there tomorrow. 

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Unlearning is a Learned Mindset:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

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We make choices and decisions based on what we have been taught and what has been modeled as normal.

Yet, unlearning can also be a learned behavior...one that is mindful, healthy, and transformative. It invites us to open ourselves to new perspectives, challenge old assumptions, and view situations through a wider lens.

Growth often begins not with learning something new, but with being willing to see something differently.

AFTERTHOUGHTS:

Over the past decade plus, I’ve been questioning long-held beliefs about responsibility, self-sacrifice, work, relationships, health, and even what it means to care for yourself. This is not just learning—it’s unlearning. And sometimes that is the harder, braver work…the work that calls for inner reflection, self compassion, courage and the willingness to create change.

My reflections recognizes something many people overlook…we don’t arrive at our beliefs, reactions, and choices in a vacuum. They were shaped by family systems, culture, experiences, wounds, triumphs, and the examples we witnessed from our caregivers and others in our orbit. Understanding that can bring self compassion rather than judgment, and can be the catalyst to transformation…slowly and methodically.

At the same time, I believe my reflection carries a message of hope. If behaviors, beliefs, and ways of seeing the world were learned, then they can also be reexamined, refined, and many times…released. We are never bound by what was handed to us…we can loosen our grip, release it, and unlearn…replacing our original beliefs with what aligns with who we are, and who we are “becoming.”

I remember Steve telling me years ago to “assume nothing and question everything.” And I have repeatedly engaged in endless questioning for a deeper understanding of where my beliefs and behaviors have originated, and if and how they serve me. I have chosen mindful “unlearning” of what does not benefit my lifestyle, and of those in my life.

One of my favorite ideas is that wisdom is not always found in adding more. Sometimes wisdom is found in subtracting what no longer aligns with with who we are and who we are “becoming”…old fears, outdated narratives, inherited expectations, and limiting beliefs.

In that sense, unlearning is every bit as sacred as learning.

“Unlearning” IS a mindful, learned mindset.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Holding Space for the “Ands” – Dancing Slowly Through Life:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

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Music is one of my greatest lifelines, and moving my body to the songs I love is a kind of euphoria I never want to lose.

Last night, knowing my spinal challenges and Lupus required care, I still got lost in the music—“Hurts So Good” (pun intended). I stood up beside Dan at the restaurant table and began to move with joy and exhilaration…and belting out the lyrics. 🙂

He gently put his arm around my waist and said, “Please be careful… you don’t really want to ‘hurt so good.”

And…he was right.

Afterwards when I got home, I lay awake convinced I might have re-fractured my spine. I even considered going to the ER. Thankfully, this morning I can breathe again—literally—and my body is okay.

And…lesson taken to heart.

It is frustrating at times, learning to honor a body that has changed. I can’t dance the way I once did. And…I am deeply grateful that I can walk with ease, work, and share life with the people I love.

I am holding space for the “ands” in my life.

I have limitations, and I still live a full, meaningful life in a body that has carried me through illness, addiction, heartbreak, loss, and even seasons when my spirit felt broken.

Life looks different now—but the “ands” remind me it is never black and white. There is so much life in the shades of gray.

I can still dance—more gently. I can still sing at the top of my lungs. I can still feel the music “move me”, experience nature, and words deeply, in ways that honor who I am today. I can still feel the euphoria when my grandchildren shriek with joy simply by being in my presence—just as I am.

I embrace the challenges and the experiences that bring me deeper self-awareness in my aging body, uncovering new strengths and resilience as I live into this evolving version of my life.

And that, too, is exhilarating.

It really is about how we choose to embrace change…and, choosing new perspectives.

We create the trajectory of our new normal.

Love and blessings,

Wendy