BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Sobriety and Reality:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

Having so much free time is exhausting.

Free time is wonderful when we’re using it to live.

But…when there’s an enormous amount of unstructured time during a difficult emotional season, it can reopen a wound for every memory, every what if, every comparison, every loss to bleed once again into the present moment…and feel like death.

And this summer break has given me a lot of time to reflect on my 14 years of “wellness in recovery “ from prescription drug addiction…write…re-process and practice acceptance…intermittently, if I’m being honest.

I have recognized patterns. I have grieved. I have learned to change my environment in my grief in order to re-center myself.

I recall the woman I once was…and the life I once had.

And…I also recognize the woman I have become.

Sober, Independent, inspiring, passionate, productive, and dedicated to my 14 years of sobriety…second to none.

But reflection doesn’t always feel like healing while we are “living” it.

Sometimes reflection deeply hurts before it integrates.

I’ve discovered that reflection can be both a gift—and a burden.

It can highlight how far we’ve come…while simultaneously reminding us of all we have lost.

And…I continue upon my journey…one moment at a time…carrying my past with me as a badge of honor as I return to a full schedule tomorrow as an educator…

And I rise once again.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

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BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Off Duty:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

You don’t have to stop loving someone in order to stop accommodating the behaviors that are destroying your peace…You don’t have to keep participating in the cycle that leads to a wild goose chase.

If you are a follower of my work, you have read the words I write and speak often…”Peace begins with me” My peace is non-negotiable. My peace is my power. And most recently I made the decision to NOT share my whereabouts, relationships or activities on social media because I have come to realize that, “Privacy protects my peace.”

You can step away from an unhealthy relationship or situation, protect your peace, and allow one to live with the consequences of one’s own lack of emotional work.

Let go of trying to save them.
This isn’t abandonment.
This is a boundary.

One of the most important lessons that I have learned in my 14 years of recovery is that the only person I can save, change or heal…is myself.

There is a difference between “I don’t love you anymore.”and “I love you, but I am no longer willing to lose myself trying to save you.” Trust me…there is NO situation where we can save another unless we are asked to step in to assist…and even then, it is not our burden or work to carry. We can simply guide according to one’s stated desires and needs.


And perhaps the deepest healing is realizing that your nervous system doesn’t have to remain on duty for someone else’s life…otherwise, it tends to “arrest” our own lived experiences.

Affirm: “I am not responsible for rescuing people from places they choose to remain.”

Stand in your power…

“Peace begins with me.”

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

“Shhhh” Culture:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

Move Quietly.

Although I am a writer and an author with a following of wonderful souls…I’ve learned that not every move needs to be announced, explained, witnessed, or understood.

There is a stunning freedom in stepping out of the need to let others know where you are, what you’re doing, who you are with…or what comes next.

Peace comes from reclaiming that privacy.

Those who are walking beside me in real time will share the view. I no longer desire anyone observing my life from the sidelines.

I can simply live it.

Soft. Confident. Intentional. And just a little mysterious. 🤫✨

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Politics and Emotional Regulation…Or Lack Thereof – Love, Wendy

It is physically painful and emotionally jarring to observe so many in society devoid of empathy, lacking the emotional intelligence and grace to hear and respect others’ perspectives, and choosing instead to purposefully berate and judge others by becoming combative without provocation.

I also read the most evil and hateful comments on social media,…And for this person in particular, I am reminded of what a small-minded, angry little man I was once tied to, and I thank God every day for removing such evil from my heart and space.

People can have radically different political beliefs, values, and perspectives and still treat one another with basic human dignity.

Some people seem to take pleasure from their high horse, in dehumanizing, humiliating, or attacking someone simply because they disagree with them…whether in person or the cowardly and manipulative setting of social media abuse.

Whatever someone’s political opinion… I am NOT witnessing substantive political discourse…Pure dysregulated contempt.

You don’t have to become numb to cruelty in order to protect your peace. You can see it, feel the sadness of it, recognize it for what it is…and then choose, “I don’t want this in my heart, my relationships, my home, or my space anymore.”

And perhaps that’s the most powerful contrast of all…we don’t have to become less discerning. We can become less willing to let anger and contempt become our way of being.

Remember…we are all sharing a common space while we are here…and when we put such evil out into the world, we have to be very careful because it can boomerang right back at us…

And when we try to run…there’s nowhere to hide.

Remember that.

For goodness sake…learn to emotionally regulate.

Hold your tongue. Close your laptop. Scroll on by. And don’t let everything that lives in your head find its way out of your mouth. Because that is where the “truth” about who we are is revealed.

Love and blessings,


Wendy

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BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Restoration:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

Serenity and peace are an early Sunday morning walk, taken slowly and purposefully…listening to my favorite music and watching the pond water ripple as the wind gently blows across its surface.

Nowhere to rush to, but excited to get home to bake fresh gluten-free Chinese almond cookies…then enjoy a beautiful cup of coffee while looking around at the haven I’ve created and thinking about how far I’ve come in these past 14 years of recovery. My heart is filled with gratitude.

Serenity and peace are cultivated intentionally, in whatever ways we choose to create them.

Simple. Strategic. Single-handed.

Restoration isn’t complicated. It’s intentional.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Listen to your Gut:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

Listening has become a lost art. Nothing reveals character faster than a conversation.

People often mistake talking for connecting. They aren’t the same. Real connection is built in the pauses…in the questions…in the genuine curiosity to understand another person’s inner world without rushing to tell your own story…to exercise empathy, and to cultivate true meaning between two people who are exploring each other…

The fastest way to make someone feel invisible is to interrupt the story they’re trying to tell…Be mindful that being heard is one of the purest forms of connecting…and eventually…being loved…

The questions we ask reveal far more about our character than the stories we tell…

As in the “eye of the tiger,” I am observing it all…

I’ve learned to observe less what a man says about himself and more how genuinely curious he is about my inner world. 

Your intuition often speaks loudest while someone else is talking.

Curiosity is one of love’s earliest expressions.

Shhhhh…Ask. Listen. Respond.

Love and blessings,


Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

The Story of Ordinary Moments:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

People reveal themselves in dozens of ordinary moments through patterns of micro-behaviors. Character isn’t usually exposed in dramatic events…it is revealed in the quiet, ordinary and purposeful choices people make every day.

Being consistent in showing up in a relationship. Following through without excuses. Remembering what matters to you. Making you feel emotionally safe instead of emotionally uncertain. Taking accountability rather than deflecting. Accountability is a form of intimacy. Offering kindness without it needing to be earned. A text just because…just to say, “I’m thinking about you.”

Just as importantly, people reveal themselves through what they consistently don’t do.

The lack of effort. The lack of curiosity about your life, while focusing most conversations on themselves. The lack of empathy when you’re hurting. The lack of reciprocity. The lack of honesty and integrity. The lack of consistency. The lack of emotional presence. The pattern of making excuses to shield their truth.

Over time, those absences become just as revealing as any action.

Patterns quietly tell the story that words often try to hide.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

A Constructive Response:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

When an insect continues to circle your head incessantly, buzzing in your ear, you try to swat it away repeatedly, but unsuccessfully. Eventually, instinct kicks in, and you swat it to the floor.

Remember… when you repeatedly poke me, jab at me, and purposely inflict pain, get ready to be slammed—metaphorically…

Because I don’t get even…

I just write about it.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Like A Rock:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

There comes a time when protecting your peace means walking away from relationships…no matter who the relationship is with…that repeatedly disrespect your boundaries, dismiss your experiences, and refuse to speak with kindness.

Relationships don’t require us to agree on every issue, nor do they require perfection. They should, however, offer a soft place to fall when life hurts…a place where you don’t have to brace yourself after a difficult day, where ridicule isn’t used as a weapon, your past isn’t questioned, and your heart isn’t put on trial.

Boundaries are empowerment.

They speak of self-respect. They promote peace and well-being.

Peace begins with me, and my peace is non-negotiable.

“My hands were steady

My eyes were clear and bright

My walk had purpose

My steps were quick and light

And I held firmly

To what I felt was right.

Like a rock, I see myself again…

Like a rock.” – Bob Seger

Love and blessings,

Wendy