“This afternoon as I sit and observe from afar, without judgement, I am grateful that I escaped by the grace of God. Our perceptions are bookends that which are no longer facing each other. North versus South.
I continue on my path, my clean path of wellness, knowing that God/Spirit/Universe is always guiding me for my highest blessings.
I clearly understand the meaning.”
Love,
Wendy
Today I read a post from a fellow recovery warrior, and a dear friend.
She had just disclosed that she had a “slip” in her 2 1/2 year recovery with 3 drinks at the end of last year.
I love her candor, and that she is using this as a spiritual lesson in order to teach and to empower others, rather than feeling guilty, or shame, or like she did something “wrong.”
In my eyes, this young woman is a gorgeous example of being human. I told her that her honesty and truth were going to be a part of her strength and help her to build resilience. That she, is in fact, a warrior.
If we tell anyone living with a brain disorder that they “cannot” or “should not” experience recurring symptoms because this demonstrates “poor behavior,” or that they did something “bad,” we will never normalize mental health. We will never fully recover.
Alcohol use/substance use disorder is a chronic and progressive brain disorder. Like any other disorder, it IS subject to recurring symptoms. It is diagnosable, treatable and manageable.
When a cancer patient experiences recurring symptoms, we never call them “bad,” or shame and stand in judgment of them.
We MUST treat and respect our mental health in the same way that we treat our physical health.
And we MUST normalize mental health. We must continue an ongoing dialogue to understand this disorder, to change the language about the disorder, to use language that is not fueling stigma and leaving those who need and want help too afraid to seek treatment, and to be appropriately educated about this disorder. We must work to eliminate stigma. We must work to raise awareness. We must come from a public health approach.
We all have mental health.
There is no shame in living with a disorder, or feeling unwell.
It is all about building resilience, self forgiveness, and using the experience to strengthen ones understanding and respect of the disorder with which they live.
It is about learning, growing, and evolving as we continue to live with a brain disorder.
One moment, one hour, one day at a time.
“Before you judge me, make sure your hands are clean.”
I have yet to meet that person.
Let us love and support each other no matter who we are, or what we have experienced.
When we come from a place of empathy and compassion, we can actually see ourselves in another gorgeous human, and we become a part of the healing process.
We are beautiful. We are imperfect. We are all on our separate journey.
Perhaps I will meet you at the crossroads.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
“Seek the deeper meaning.”
Love,
Wendy
“When one lives a “double life,” it has nothing to do with their loved ones. It truly is all about experiencing lack inside of themselves that they need to reconcile. They have not yet found the courage to do so. But, they know their truth.
I do not even believe it is about greed, or lack of love for their significant other and family.
There is a deficit within and they are searching high and low, left and right, up and down, in any relationship and/or situation for that missing piece of themselves. Wanting to be showered with outside validation due to their lack of self esteem and confidence of who they truly are.
When we are not loved and cared for properly as a child by the people who are tasked with our protection and care, we grow up believing that we are not worthy. We seek validation of ourselves from outside sources because we do not have the innate love of self.
I believe we all have the awareness of our truth. I believe that if one is willing to do the intense inner work to recognize the beautiful soul that they are, to unlearn the unhealthy thoughts and behaviors that have become lifelong habits, and to put in the work to actually discover who they are, they do eventually fall in love with themselves! And they begin to understand the effects of their old behaviors. A spiritual awakening.
Here is the space where they learn how to love and respect others.
I was in a long term relationship where I actually knew that this was going on right under my nose. As recently as 2021, I was still observing his pathological behaviors, although I had left that relationship 4 years ago.
I thought my love would save him.
We can only save ourselves when we have had enough of our own crap, and when we are fully ready.
I know because I saved myself when I had finally had enough of my own crap nine years ago.
I begin my 10th year of recovery on April 3, 2022. I love and respect the woman, mom, grandmother, friend, and colleague that I have transformed into from the shallow, lost, unhealthy, deceitful and scared “little girl” that I once was.
My spiritual journey has led me home.
Set small goals one step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. At the end of the week, reflect upon your successes, and what you would still like to improve upon. We are always learning and growing. Take your time. There is no rush. Immerse yourself in every beautiful lesson that you experience as you get to know your authentic self.
Ask for spiritual support and guidance.
When we ask for Spirit to guide us into a healthy, honest and fulfilling life, we learn how to release the trauma, reframe the trauma in order to move forward, and to create healthy lifestyle change, body, mind and spirit.
Listen to your awareness. It is the way to freedom.”
Love and blessings,
Wendy
“As a mental health/holistic health coach I never give advice. When I feel it may benefit my client, I share what I have experienced as well as my knowledge in the field of mental health and wellness. I encourage the client to go within and ask themselves what it is that they need to heal. I meet them there, and I guide them accordingly.”
Love and blessings,
Wendy
We are all experiencing challenges, loss, illness, and other situations that we may not be aware of in others lives.
I observed a man screaming at the deli counter employee the other day. Both men were so angry and using words that were so offensive and demeaning to the other. Neither “paused” to remind themselves that “not cutting the turkey thin enough” was not the real issue. I observed so much anger. The consumer went to the manager to complain.
As I listened to him tell his story, I wondered to myself what this man has experienced that has made him so angry.
Here is where I pause. Here is where I empathize with another precious soul. Here is where I recognize that we are all one in this global experience of a pandemic, of loss, of disease.
And I choose to take a spiritually aligned action. Empathy, patience, and grace.
We are always one. We all have the same experiences, emotions, and thoughts that connect us. It is the human condition.
It is how we choose to respond rather than react that changes the trajectory of the outcome.
In another incident, I entered the market where I live, and a man came out of nowhere with an “angry, deliberate, and aggressive walk.” I stopped as I noticed him barreling towards me. He stopped. He gave me a chilling look and shouted, “Well, go ahead!!!” I smiled and said, “Thank you.” He answered, “You’re welcome.” In truth, for a few minutes my heart was racing and my own anxiety was escalating because I too felt angry that a stranger would have such an inflammatory attitude with me.
But, I paused. And chose a spiritually aligned mindset and action…It changed my own attitude. And I believe that of this man who clearly was experiencing something that put him into a “fight or flight” frame of mind. And I reminded myself that whatever he was experiencing had absolutely NOTHING to do with me.
PLEASE USE EMPATHY, PATIENCE, AND GRACE…
We are all living with frustration, anger, sadness, and anxiety. And maybe even worse.
I believe that we are all doing the best that we can.
I have seen first hand how one’s whole attitude and outlook changes when we offer grace, empathy and patience.
And, let us be an example for our youth.
When we are the person of influence in a room, or in someone’s space, or life, they will sync their emotions to ours.
HERE IS WHERE WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO CREATE POSITIVE CHANGE.
And in the most challenging of circumstances.
What a beautiful gift we can offer to others in a space of empathy, patience and grace.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Romanticizing the few fleeting moments of seemingly loving attention given by a toxic partner is trauma bonding.
Living with the hopes of rekindling that toxic relationship is a trauma response.
When we finally do the work to release and reframe trauma, we know better and we do MUCH better.
Remember that we live what we learn. When we know better, we do better. And finally, we teach people how to treat us.”
Love and blessings,
Wendy
“When I recently learned that he moved on with another after visiting me to profess only of his love for me, I was not at all surprised.
Always listen to your intuition.”
Love,
Wendy
“The way in which we identify, i. e., straight, gay, LGBTQ, a belief and practice of an organized religion, a personal spiritual practice that is alternative, our heritage, the color of our skin, our financial status, our career path, how we manage the day to day mental health challenges we may experience including substance use disorder, etc., in my humble opinion, does not define who we are.
I believe that which defines each of us is the Universal practice of unconditional love, unconditional empathy and compassion, unconditional kindness and acceptance, wholehearted integrity and that of total and complete loving support of each beautiful soul that we connect with.”
Love and blessings,
Wendy
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