Today, I sat with a dear friend whose wife died by suicide. The details are so disturbing, and my heart is broken for this beautiful woman who felt she had no way out other than to take her own life, leaving my dear friend on a long and winding road of grief, unanswered questions, and profound sorrow.
My heart is heavy and broken for my friend in his “new normal” of daily survival, quiet resilience, and painful healing.
We need to humanize mental health, not only normalize it.
Normalization can sometimes sound clinical. Humanizing means seeing the person before the diagnosis, the family before the statistics, and the survivor before the stigma.
It means understanding that someone can do everything “right”—as is the case with Ian and his beloved wife—seek treatment, have people who love them, and still struggle profoundly.
AND…we have to take a closer look at the “system” that is supposed to protect those living with a severe and persistent mental illness. Who are they? What is their training? Is there follow-through? Are there outside supports in place once a patient leaves a facility?
And…it also means recognizing that those left behind need community, not avoidance.
When I worked as a Mental Health/Substance Abuse Recovery Specialist and advocate with patients and their families, I heard too many times of loved ones being purposely ignored by friends, family, and neighbors who once sought them out for connection after a diagnosis or mental health/suicide event.
I myself have experienced this avoidance when I was in active addiction and living with a co-occuring mental health disorders, and when a loved one, living with a severe and persistent mental illness and substance use disorder, was near death.
The answer is not retreating from those we love, but pulling them closer. Advocacy is about building a strong community and making sure one less person feels alone.
You cannot “catch” these chronic and complex conditions. You can, however, offer compassion, understanding, and support to someone experiencing profound sorrow and enduring heartbreak whether their loved one is living with a severe and persistent mental illness, or if they have passed.
Mental illness does not define a person, and suicide should never define a life.
Stigma can lead misinformed/uneducated people to label, stereotype and alienate one with a mental health disorder or addiction.
This can contribute to feelings of shame and embarrassment for individuals and prevent them from treatment seeking behavior.
We change the conversation and understanding about mental health one person at a time.
Show up.
Reach out.
Stay present.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer someone living with profound loss is the reminder that they are not alone.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
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