Every morning, my first sip of coffee tastes like the first time—stimulating, deeply relaxing, and completely fulfilling. I always look forward to the next morning, knowing I’ll experience that same simple pleasure again.
I wish relationships were as simple as this. I wish each new day began with that same eager anticipation as the first sip of coffee—and the quiet satisfaction that follows.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Yesterday’s long drive home to myself…with all of its twists and turns, stops and starts, has led me to a road that has led me to the road home.
I begin today with a new mindset…
I am lighter today.
I give myself permission to live exactly as I am. No more apologies for my specific needs. No more stress over my “new normal.” No more trying to filter out my imperfections in order to create connection. No more trying to compete with my forty year-old self…just an eagerness and pride to meet myself where I am.
You cannot see my heart and soul, but with every interaction we have, I hope you will feel them.
That is the legacy I hope to leave behind.
Steve once wrote on one of my social media posts (November 4, 2015): “Agree with all of the above about your outer beauty, but the greater change has been internal, where your true beauty lives.”
This profound and loving sentiment reminds me that our greatest work is not the pursuit of perfection, but the courage to cultivate a loving relationship with ourselves first. When we give ourselves permission to live our truth—whatever that looks like—we become an example for others to do the same.
This is how loving relationships are built. Loving relationships become loving families, neighborhoods, and communities.
Everything begins within.
“As within, so without… as above, so below.”
Love and blessings,
Wendy
There’s something about driving myself home after a meaningful weekend that creates space for truth to rise to the surface. The road is moving forward, and somehow our hearts begin moving forward too.
Acceptance isn’t giving up. It’s standing on solid ground instead of fighting reality. From there, every decision becomes clearer because I am no longer trying to be the woman I was ten years ago or the woman someone else expects me to be.
I’ve spent so much of my life taking care of others, pushing through pain, hoping relationships would become what my heart longed for, and expecting myself to keep doing everything as if my body hadn’t changed.
Acceptance doesn’t erase my dreams. It simply says, “This is where I am today, and I can build a beautiful life from here.”And I have.
This weekend showed me something important.
I experienced the joy of being surrounded by my family—the warmth, the connection, the feeling of belonging. At the same time, I experienced the physical realities of my body. After driving two hours to see my family, spending seven joyful hours with my grandchildren and loved ones, then rushing back to my hotel to get ready for a date, my lupus flared. My body swelled, I was in significant pain, and I became increasingly uncomfortable from pushing through hours of activity. Every moment with my family was worth it, but my body reminded me that it has limits I can no longer ignore.
Both things are true. Neither cancels out the other.
Sometimes the most meaningful insights don’t come when life is easy. They arrive on a quiet drive home—as they did for me this morning after leaving at 5:30 a.m.—with miles of road ahead and enough silence for both my heart and my logical mind to finally speak.
I realized that I’ve already built a life that fits who I am today.
I have people who meet me where I am, who understand my physical challenges and enjoy my company for all that I am. They offer a loving hand, a kind word, and genuine acceptance. I enjoy day trips, simple pleasures, nourishing meals, music that makes me smile—and even dance a little. I choose movement that strengthens my body instead of punishing it by expecting it to do what it could ten years ago. I have a career I truly love. And my family… they are my anchors.
I am blessed to have a full life.
If someone comes into my life who fits gently into it—someone who meets me where I am and loves me with all that I am—that would simply be the cherry on top.
And if not, I am still profoundly grateful.
Grateful to be alive.
Grateful to be mobile.
Grateful for my adorable little home.
Grateful for meaningful work.
Grateful to love and be loved.
It all begins with me accepting who I am and where I am in my life.
And from that place of acceptance, everything else becomes a gift.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
A wall keeps danger out, but it also keeps love out.
A boundary is different. A boundary has a gate.
You decide who enters, how quickly, and under what conditions. You control the gate.
A boundary says, “I am open to connection, and I am observing. I will move at a pace that feels safe for me. I will always honor my needs before all else. I will not abandon myself to keep someone else.”
This is one of the greatest acts of self-care.
And once my spiritual intuition turns from yellow to green…our road is wide open. I embrace one fully and unconditionally.
I can let someone come closer, and I can still stay connected to myself.
The beautiful thing about a gate is that I still hold the key…and if the alignment feels right, the key can be duplicated—two keys, one home…where “me” becomes “we,” and both hearts choose to keep the gate open as we choose one another every day.
Reflection: Trust is not maintained by one person alone…it is something both people actively nurture, one moment at a time. Healthy love is both intentional and mutual…
Both people participate, nurture, and protect what they are building…
Earned access.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
There comes a time when protecting your peace means walking away from relationships…no matter who the relationship is with…that repeatedly disrespect your boundaries, dismiss your experiences, and refuse to speak with kindness.
Relationships don’t require us to agree on every issue, nor do they require perfection. They should, however, offer a soft place to fall when life hurts…a place where you don’t have to brace yourself after a difficult day, where ridicule isn’t used as a weapon, your past isn’t questioned, and your heart isn’t put on trial.
Boundaries are empowerment.
They speak of self-respect. They promote peace and well-being.
Peace begins with me, and my peace is non-negotiable.
“My hands were steady
My eyes were clear and bright
My walk had purpose
My steps were quick and light
And I held firmly
To what I felt was right.
Like a rock, I see myself again…
Like a rock.” – Bob Seger
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Lift people up. Make them feel valued, appreciated, and loved.
When you align yourself with those who target good people because of their own insecurities, biases, or fears, you send a powerful message of disregard toward someone who has done nothing to deserve it.
When you genuinely care about someone, you walk alongside them. You don’t leave them standing alone on the side of the road while you ride along with those who have chosen exclusion over kindness.
Take the road less traveled. It is rare in today’s culture and climate…It is often the harder path, but it is the one that reflects character, courage, and compassion.
Kindness is not simply being nice to someone after the fact; it’s having the courage to stand with them when standing with them might be socially uncomfortable.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Being ‘too nice’—something I have learned to curb as I began honoring my own needs and desires first—is often praised, but sometimes it develops as a survival strategy rather than a genuine expression of kindness…a “trauma response.”
Those of us who grew up in environments where love, approval, safety, or acceptance felt conditional may learn to keep the peace by putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own. We may choose to avoid conflict, over-explain, have difficulty saying no, feel responsible for other people’s emotions, or consistently tolerate behavior that violates one’s boundaries.
The difference is that true kindness comes from choice, while people-pleasing often comes from fear—fear of rejection, abandonment, criticism, disappointment, or disapproval.
Kindness says: “I want to help.”
People-pleasing says: “I have to help, or something bad will happen.”
Many people spend years believing they are simply nice when, in reality, they are working tirelessly to earn love, safety, acceptance, and even what they think is peace. But there is nothing peaceful about repeatedly abandoning your own needs, desires, and truth in order to make others comfortable.
The healing often comes when a person realizes they can be compassionate and loving without abandoning themselves in the process…something that took me decades to learn…and finally…master…where self preservation is our greatest self care…
Boundaries and kindness can exist together.
Self care is the actions that we take to achieve wellness…and wellness is where we stand in our power.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
A single domino falls, and suddenly an entire chain of events unfolds. Sometimes the first domino was set in motion years earlier by something we didn’t choose—a childhood lesson, a painful experience, an illness, a relationship, a loss.
Other times it’s a decision we make that quietly changes the direction of everything that follows.
This image below of the dominoes suggests that one event directly affects another…
And that’s true.
But so does one act of awareness.
One healthy choice.
One moment of courage.
One different perspective.
AFTERTHOUGHTS:
As I sit in reflection and meditation, and as I pray for perspective, this is what comes to me…
I have done the therapy. I have done the recovery work. I have examined my patterns. I have worked on unlearning old beliefs. I have fought for, and continue to fight for my health and wellness. I have tried to grow from every difficult and challenging experience.
And…at some point a person naturally looks around and says:
“Okay… when do I get to stop managing everything?” “When can I trust the dominoes to remain sturdy and standing on their own?” or “When will someone come along to lessen the load…just a tad…”
Not because I am giving up…But because I am exhausted from the constant need for maintenance.
Exhausted of tending the garden.
Exhausted of picking up the dominoes.
Exhausted of having to be so conscious, so vigilant, so self-aware all the time.
The dominoes (metaphor) never seem to stay standing. Something always comes along…a health issue, a family issue, a work issue, a relationship issue—and here I am again…being called to reset the line…because if I do not tend to the calling…”all the kings horses and all the kings men…” blah, blah, blah.
The part I would gently challenge and that which I ask myself is this: “Am I really back at the beginning each time?”
The circumstances may feel repetitive, but I engage each situation with lived experience and a wider lens of perspective where I can reframe the “assignment”.
I have to admit that eventually resilience starts to feel like a job description nobody asked for.
And when people say, “You’re so strong,” sometimes this is not a compliment…it is a burden…an expectation that I didn’t sign up for…
And you know what?!…for today…I am leaving the dominoes where they are…I am at peace with that as I take a pause to rest…
Somebody else can pick them up today…
And if nobody does, they’ll still be there tomorrow.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
We make choices and decisions based on what we have been taught and what has been modeled as normal.
Yet, unlearning can also be a learned behavior...one that is mindful, healthy, and transformative. It invites us to open ourselves to new perspectives, challenge old assumptions, and view situations through a wider lens.
Growth often begins not with learning something new, but with being willing to see something differently.
AFTERTHOUGHTS:
Over the past decade plus, I’ve been questioning long-held beliefs about responsibility, self-sacrifice, work, relationships, health, and even what it means to care for yourself. This is not just learning—it’s unlearning. And sometimes that is the harder, braver work…the work that calls for inner reflection, self compassion, courage and the willingness to create change.
My reflections recognizes something many people overlook…we don’t arrive at our beliefs, reactions, and choices in a vacuum. They were shaped by family systems, culture, experiences, wounds, triumphs, and the examples we witnessed from our caregivers and others in our orbit. Understanding that can bring self compassion rather than judgment, and can be the catalyst to transformation…slowly and methodically.
At the same time, I believe my reflection carries a message of hope. If behaviors, beliefs, and ways of seeing the world were learned, then they can also be reexamined, refined, and many times…released. We are never bound by what was handed to us…we can loosen our grip, release it, and unlearn…replacing our original beliefs with what aligns with who we are, and who we are “becoming.”
I remember Steve telling me years ago to “assume nothing and question everything.” And I have repeatedly engaged in endless questioning for a deeper understanding of where my beliefs and behaviors have originated, and if and how they serve me. I have chosen mindful “unlearning” of what does not benefit my lifestyle, and of those in my life.
One of my favorite ideas is that wisdom is not always found in adding more. Sometimes wisdom is found in subtracting what no longer aligns with with who we are and who we are “becoming”…old fears, outdated narratives, inherited expectations, and limiting beliefs.
In that sense, unlearning is every bit as sacred as learning.
“Unlearning” IS a mindful, learned mindset.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Growth is emergence into a new way of thinking and being, shaped by experiencing our experiences with an open mind, open eyes, and the willingness to see through a wider lens.
It is the process of allowing life, reflection, mistakes, insight, and awareness to transform how we understand ourselves, others, and the world around us.
Through this process, we evolve into something expanded, more conscious, and more aware than before.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Afterthoughts:
I feel like I’ve traveled a million miles over the past 14 years of sobriety, yet sometimes it feels like my mind is still catching up.
There’s that saying: “Wherever you go, there you are.” And I think so many of us quietly live the truth of that—searching outside ourselves for answers, identity, and validation, hoping external things will finally define our worth.
Over time, I’ve come to realize how easily we can measure ourselves through external factors—people’s opinions, relationships, achievements, struggles, and circumstances—and forget to ask where that need for validation actually comes from.
For me, the deeper work has been learning to pause and ask those questions. To understand the roots of why I attach value outside of myself. And slowly, to begin reconnecting with a more internal sense of worth—one that is steadier, quieter, and more honest.
And I won’t pretend I have it figured out. I don’t.
I’ve made mistakes. I’ve contradicted myself. I’ve been ungrateful at times, and at other times entitled. I’ve created unnecessary anxiety worrying about things I cannot control—things that, in the end, always worked themselves out anyway.
I have trust issues. I have very little patience for dishonesty, toxicity, or nonsense—and yet those realities still exist in the world around me, and I’m still learning how to coexist without letting them consume my peace.
This is simply where I am on the journey: not finished, not perfected, but aware. Still learning. Still growing. Still trying to live with more honesty, self-awareness, patience, and grace.
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