Dating is optional for me.
My bills are paid. My home is clean and peaceful. My bed is big. Peace already exists in my life. It is non negotiable…I cherish my autonomy…
If you enter my life, bring honesty, integrity, kindness, laughter, and ease.
Anything less does not add value to the life I’ve worked hard to create.
Love,
Wendy
Music is one of my greatest lifelines, and moving my body to the songs I love is a kind of euphoria I never want to lose.
Last night, knowing my spinal challenges and Lupus required care, I still got lost in the music—“Hurts So Good” (pun intended). I stood up beside Dan at the restaurant table and began to move with joy and exhilaration…and belting out the lyrics. 🙂
He gently put his arm around my waist and said, “Please be careful… you don’t really want to ‘hurt so good.”
And…he was right.
Afterwards when I got home, I lay awake convinced I might have re-fractured my spine. I even considered going to the ER. Thankfully, this morning I can breathe again—literally—and my body is okay.
And…lesson taken to heart.
It is frustrating at times, learning to honor a body that has changed. I can’t dance the way I once did. And…I am deeply grateful that I can walk with ease, work, and share life with the people I love.
I am holding space for the “ands” in my life.
I have limitations, and I still live a full, meaningful life in a body that has carried me through illness, addiction, heartbreak, loss, and even seasons when my spirit felt broken.
Life looks different now—but the “ands” remind me it is never black and white. There is so much life in the shades of gray.
I can still dance—more gently. I can still sing at the top of my lungs. I can still feel the music “move me”, experience nature, and words deeply, in ways that honor who I am today. I can still feel the euphoria when my grandchildren shriek with joy simply by being in my presence—just as I am.
I embrace the challenges and the experiences that bring me deeper self-awareness in my aging body, uncovering new strengths and resilience as I live into this evolving version of my life.
And that, too, is exhilarating.
It really is about how we choose to embrace change…and, choosing new perspectives.
We create the trajectory of our new normal.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Although we both live with our “one and only forever loves” deep within our souls, we enjoy a close friendship…laughing, talking, walking, dancing, hugging, eating… sharing. Tenderness. And it is a pleasure-filled space with ease, grace, emotional maturity, and pure joy. We meet each other exactly where we are with absolutely no expectations.
Last night, we realized our friendship has been growing organically for a year…a friendship based on mutual understanding, similar interests, spiritual practices, like-minded values, emotional maturity, truly caring about each other and our hearts, and respecting the forever loves we each carry in different ways—through loss, distance, and the passage of time… the forever loves that remain in our souls, though no longer beside us on life’s path.
There can be great beauty in companionship that is warm, attentive, emotionally safe, and deeply fulfilling. Perhaps at this stage of life, some of the most meaningful relationships are not the ones that promise forever… but the ones that bring tenderness, presence, ease, and aliveness into the days we are living right now.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
May is Mental Health Awareness Month.
Please be mindful of your words and language…
Things not to say to someone who is depressed:
“It will pass.”
“Just forget about it.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“Just think positive.”
“You have so much to be grateful for.”
Depression is not weakness, negativity, or lack of gratitude.
It is emotional pain that deserves compassion, patience, support, and empathy.
It IS a mental health disorder.
It IS diagnosable and treatable.
Sometimes the most healing words are simply…
“I’m here.”
“You matter.”
“You don’t have to carry this alone.”
“I can see how difficult this is for you. How can I help?”
AND…
“I can help you find the proper resources if you are open to it.”
All a person needs who is living with depression is to know that one other person cares.
I am a trained mental health specialist, educator and consultant in Mental Health First Aid, Suicide Safety for Schools, Trauma Informed Care, De-Escalation, Conflict Resolution, Motivational Interviewing, Spiritual Wellness, Mental Health and Wellness, to name a few…
Even I, a well trained mental health professional, live with bouts of depression and need support.
It is the greatest form of love and friendship.
To learn more about depression, go to https://www.nami.org
You can also contact your local Mental Health Association for free support.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Even the most loving and compassionate people have their limits…
It’s called boundaries.
One of the greatest acts of self care is to quietly remove yourself from situations and people that repeatedly and purposefully disrespect your soul, negatively impact your mental health, and hurt your heart.
Self care is the actions that we take to achieve wellness…and wellness is where we stand in our power.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Recent neuroscience research at USC found that when deeply held beliefs are challenged, the brain activates the same threat-detection regions used in moments of physical danger. In other words, the brain can experience an attack on identity as a threat to survival itself. That’s why simply telling people to “be more open-minded” is rarely effective; defensive reactions often occur beneath conscious awareness. Those who struggle most with change are often not the least intelligent, but the most deeply invested in a particular identity, expertise, or worldview. When long-held foundations shift, it can feel less like learning something new and more like defending one’s very sense of self.
Perhaps true growth begins when we stop seeing change as a threat to our identity and start recognizing it as an invitation to deepen ourselves as we go within to explore and to discover and to evolve…and to deepen humanity. I have had to release many identities throughout my life — wife, the woman lost in addiction, even the version of myself who believed she had to suffer in silence to survive. What remains is something far more meaningful: a mother, a teacher, a woman in long term recovery, and a human being continually learning how to evolve with grace rather than fear.
Grace grounds us in what remains when everything else shifts—our capacity to stay present, to soften instead of resist, and to trust that even in change, we are still becoming whole.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
This is no longer just about hurt feelings—this is a chronic pattern that is physically, emotionally, and spiritually depleting. And when you live with health challenges, the stress weakens the immune system further…and you step off of the merry go round when you finally admit that you are simply going in circles and that this is not sustainable.
It is a conscious choice to step out of a dynamic that is a constant source of pain…
You finally see clearly what remains when you are no longer the one holding it all together…
It crumbles.
This may not have a resolution in the way a loving, mutual relationship would.
No breakthrough conversation.
No moment where another suddenly understands and meets you with openness and a willingness to “see” a different perspective.
Sometimes… it just stays as it is…especially when there is negative, skewed outside influence.
And what’s left is simply…
Grief.
Not loud, not dramatic—just…present.
The kind that sits beside you, even when you’re doing everything “right.” It continues to gnaw at you…taps you on the shoulder daily, and keeps you engaged in a cycle of dysfunction…theirs.
There’s nothing that is needed to be “fixed” here. And nothing…no words or actions that are missing.
Just one quiet truth that you are left with…
You can love someone…even family…
and still step out of the reach of what hurts you.
This is your greatest self care, self preservation and self respect…
Those two things can exist together.
Both are painful, but when you mindfully choose yourself…you choose to live a full life of joy, love and peace…on your own terms…where another does not have the power to disrespect and dismiss you, deplete your energy, and discount your worth…at their every whim…an unpredictable change that can be stunning…and destabilizing…
Your peace is decided in every decision that you make…
“Peace begins with me.”
Love and blessings,
Wendy
There is something sacred about being in the presence of another human being…really being there. Not just exchanging words, but exchanging energy, tone, breath, pauses…the subtle language of being seen and heard…communication that uses language, inflection, and even non verbal responses that create depth to the exchange.
So much of our communication today lives behind screens, where meaning can become lost in translation, and intention can be misread. A text message can carry words, but meaning can become subjective.
I’ve always believed that when we sit across from one another…when we risk speaking honestly and listening openly…something transformative happens. Even if we don’t agree. Even if we walk away unchanged in opinion, we are changed in experience. There is a softening, a widening, a humanizing that can only occur in that shared space.
But what happens when the divide is not just about perspective, but about values…
Hmmm…
I have come to understand that while differences in opinion can be navigated, and with the right person even appreciated…however…differences in core values often cannot. There is a distinction between seeing the world differently and seeing humanity differently.
In some relationships, love has been strong enough to hold space for disagreement. To say, “We willl agree to disagree,” and instead focus on the bond that remains. And sometimes, that is enough—especially in relationships that are held gently, occasionally, with room to step away and return.
But intimacy is different.
To share a life with someone requires more than love. It requires alignment in the ways that matter most…the way we see others, the way we hold compassion, the way we respond to difference, to vulnerability, to truth.
I used to believe that love could bridge any divide. That communication could soften even the sharpest edges. That if two people cared enough, they would willingly meet somewhere in the middle…exercise flexibility and openness and respect for other’s perspectives.
But I’ve learned that not all spaces have a middle.
And more importantly, not all hearts are willing—or able—to meet there.
So I no longer ask myself to make room for what feels misaligned with my core. I no longer try to translate what feels fundamentally incompatible. I can care for people, even love them…from a distance…and still recognize that they are not meant to walk beside me in the most intimate way.
This is discernment…
And in that discernment, my vision has become clearer…not narrower in limitation, but more refined in truth.
I am not looking for perfection. I am looking for resonance.
A steady presence. A kind mind. A man who leads with warmth, who remains open to learning, who values connection over certainty. Someone who understands that love is not just a feeling, but a practice…one that requires time, empathy, attention, and care, and the willingness to be vulnerable.
A shared space where both people feel safe, seen, and valued.
Where communication is not a battleground, but a bridge that builds intimacy…
The architecture.
Where love is the foundation alongside in person communication, consistent presence, similar values, perspectives that are open to interpretation and respected, and devotion from the foundation, right across the span that never deviates from the intended journey…
in real time…
an offline encounter.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Information Travels Quietly
For a long time, I carried the weight of being misunderstood.
Of having my struggles minimized.
Of feeling like I had to justify what my body was going through…
But recently, I didn’t have to say a word…and I felt the shift.
The truth spoke for itself.
Not loudly.
Not forcefully.
But quietly… and clearly.
And in that quiet, something else arrived too…
Support.
Kindness.
Community.
It made me realize something I’ll carry with me moving forward…
You don’t always have to correct the narrative.
You don’t always have to prove your challenges.
You don’t always have to defend your truth.
Because when you live it—genuinely, consistently, and with integrity living as an open book…
It speaks volumes between the lines…without a word.
Never judge a book by its cover.
The truth is always calm and peaceful.
Information travels quietly.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
I have been researching and studying “low engagement responding” aka a way of avoiding deep conversation and connection. This pattern is more often a form of emotional distancing. People who carry unresolved resentment toward a parent or loved one sometimes manage it by limiting emotional contact rather than confronting the feelings directly.
It is important to remember that this silence is about THEIR capacity, not your worth as a parent, person, or family member.
Sometimes family systems can get stuck in old roles. When one person heals, others don’t update the picture of who that person is. They keep relating to the former version. It is very difficult to have a healthy relationship in this space, as you are living in the present while they may still be reacting to the past. And if there are others aligned with where they are, it only causes more emotional distancing and “low engagement responding.” THIS is on THEM.
They may not be capable of forgiveness or resolving their own unhealthy thinking and behaviors, and sometimes they may feel that this is punishment that is still “justified.”
This is their “fixed mindset” versus your “growth mindset.” A “fixed mindset” keeps people stuck in needing to be right.
LIVE. YOUR. LIFE. It can be incredibly painful…sit with that as often as you need to, but do not allow it to define you or to deplete you.
If you have done years of inner work and they cannot relate, or choose not to meet you where you are, that is not your failure—it is their limitation…
Even family may be those people that we must love from a distance, without expectation, without chasing connection that they are unwilling or unable to give.
This is a widely studied topic of today where more and more parents and families are finding younger generations relying on low engagement and emotional distance as a way to navigate unresolved feelings rather than openly communicating.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Write Pray Recover 