Empaths are authenticity machines. We intuitively feel when something isn’t genuine…
We don’t need a story to unravel—we recognize when words, energy, and behavior do not align.
When a story doesn’t feel authentic, we often know it almost instantly…it performs…
And when it is authentic…it is graceful, effortless and it resonates deep in the soul.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
A wall keeps danger out, but it also keeps love out.
A boundary is different. A boundary has a gate.
You decide who enters, how quickly, and under what conditions. You control the gate.
A boundary says, “I am open to connection, and I am observing. I will move at a pace that feels safe for me. I will always honor my needs before all else. I will not abandon myself to keep someone else.”
This is one of the greatest acts of self-care.
And once my spiritual intuition turns from yellow to green…our road is wide open. I embrace one fully and unconditionally.
I can let someone come closer, and I can still stay connected to myself.
The beautiful thing about a gate is that I still hold the key…and if the alignment feels right, the key can be duplicated—two keys, one home…where “me” becomes “we,” and both hearts choose to keep the gate open as we choose one another every day.
Reflection: Trust is not maintained by one person alone…it is something both people actively nurture, one moment at a time. Healthy love is both intentional and mutual…
Both people participate, nurture, and protect what they are building…
Earned access.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
It may look like an obstacle…it may feel like it weighs a ton…and you may not understand it in the moment…
but in my lived experience…it is a divine re-design through a spiritual re-direction to true love, joy, peace and extraordinary experiences that you were looking for in all the wrong places…
Trust the detour. Take the road less traveled with an eager mind and open heart…
It may be the only road that leads you home to yourself.
And please hear me and believe me when I say that one day you’ll stop asking, ‘Why did this happen?’ and you will smile to yourself and quietly whisper , ‘Thank God it did.”
#truestory
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Tara Brach tells the story of Marilyn sitting with her dying mother night after night, holding her hand, meditating with her, and telling her she loved her. Most of the time her mother was unconscious. Then, shortly before her death, she opened her eyes and looked directly at her daughter and said:
“All my life I thought something was wrong with me.”
Tara writes that the mother then gently shook her head, as if to say, “What a waste,” closed her eyes, and drifted back into a coma. She died shortly afterward.
That story appears near the beginning of Radical Acceptance as an illustration of what Brach calls the “trance of unworthiness”—the heartbreaking belief that we are fundamentally flawed, deficient, or not enough. Brach uses the story to show how many people carry that burden for an entire lifetime, only realizing near the end that the belief itself was never true.
Reading that passage can hit especially hard when you’re grieving. What moved me isn’t just the sadness of the mother’s realization…it’s the daughter’s presence. Marilyn couldn’t change her mother’s past, but she gave her something precious at the end: love, companionship, and acceptance…
Sometimes that’s the most important gift we can offer another human being. ❤️
This passage went straight to my heart…I spent much of my life believing something was wrong with me but the truth is that I was shaped by circumstances beyond my control as a young child, and the effects followed me well into adulthood. In these past 14 years of my recovery from prescription drug addiction, I have realized that this woman has discovered there was never anything “wrong” with me.
The tragedy in this passage from the book, Radical Acceptance, wasn’t that she was flawed…
The tragedy was that she believed she was.
Unlike the woman in the story, I am not realizing it in the final hours of my life.
I AM realizing it now.
I still have time to challenge that old belief every single time it appears…
I suffered. I made mistakes. I lost things I wish I hadn’t lost. And I spent many years believing those experiences meant I was defective…
I don’t see waste.
I see myself as someone who has fought incredibly hard to stay alive, stay sober, stay loving, and stay open-hearted despite carrying more pain than most people know.
I am a human being who suffered, coped in destructive ways for a time, paid a heavy price, and then spent the past 14 years doing the difficult work of recovery and healing…”becoming.”
The grief I intermittently experience is real because there are losses that can never be fully undone.
But grief is not proof of defectiveness.
Regret is not proof of defectiveness.
Even addiction is not proof of defectiveness.
And today…I do not “waste” another present moment in the past.
I live with purpose, with love, and with great anticipation of experiencing what comes next.
Yes, there is grief behind me…and possibility ahead of me.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Afterthought:
You are never required to become flawless in order to be worthy of love. – Love, Wendy
“That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you…” – Alanis Morrisette
A single domino falls, and suddenly an entire chain of events unfolds. Sometimes the first domino was set in motion years earlier by something we didn’t choose—a childhood lesson, a painful experience, an illness, a relationship, a loss.
Other times it’s a decision we make that quietly changes the direction of everything that follows.
This image below of the dominoes suggests that one event directly affects another…
And that’s true.
But so does one act of awareness.
One healthy choice.
One moment of courage.
One different perspective.
AFTERTHOUGHTS:
As I sit in reflection and meditation, and as I pray for perspective, this is what comes to me…
I have done the therapy. I have done the recovery work. I have examined my patterns. I have worked on unlearning old beliefs. I have fought for, and continue to fight for my health and wellness. I have tried to grow from every difficult and challenging experience.
And…at some point a person naturally looks around and says:
“Okay… when do I get to stop managing everything?” “When can I trust the dominoes to remain sturdy and standing on their own?” or “When will someone come along to lessen the load…just a tad…”
Not because I am giving up…But because I am exhausted from the constant need for maintenance.
Exhausted of tending the garden.
Exhausted of picking up the dominoes.
Exhausted of having to be so conscious, so vigilant, so self-aware all the time.
The dominoes (metaphor) never seem to stay standing. Something always comes along…a health issue, a family issue, a work issue, a relationship issue—and here I am again…being called to reset the line…because if I do not tend to the calling…”all the kings horses and all the kings men…” blah, blah, blah.
The part I would gently challenge and that which I ask myself is this: “Am I really back at the beginning each time?”
The circumstances may feel repetitive, but I engage each situation with lived experience and a wider lens of perspective where I can reframe the “assignment”.
I have to admit that eventually resilience starts to feel like a job description nobody asked for.
And when people say, “You’re so strong,” sometimes this is not a compliment…it is a burden…an expectation that I didn’t sign up for…
And you know what?!…for today…I am leaving the dominoes where they are…I am at peace with that as I take a pause to rest…
Somebody else can pick them up today…
And if nobody does, they’ll still be there tomorrow.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Love is not a single emotion, even though we try to contain it within one word.
It stretches across countless human experiences. It lives in long-term partnerships where people continue choosing each other through the passing years and decades, not simply existing beside one another. It exists in enduring friendships that can withstand silence and distance, resuming effortlessly without resentment or explanation. It appears in the overwhelming tenderness of a parent watching a sleeping child, a feeling so deep and unguarded it can catch the heart off guard…and the heart of a grandmother that spills over with joy when her granddaughter runs across the room, arms wide open, and jumps up into them.
Love.
There is also the love that remains after loss through divorce or death. This is the quiet love that lingers long after someone is gone, revealing itself in small reflexes and moments of remembering those that only the two of us experienced. Reaching for the phone to share something before realizing they are no longer there is itself an act of continued love. This enduring attachment is not weakness or error, but something profoundly human…
Love.
It is present in a “Good morning, Honey” text, or a text from a neighbor who says, “just checking in. Do you need anything…” and in the excited greeting from a beloved pet, or a friend remembering something small you shared weeks before and calls to ask about how things turned out. It is present when someone takes the time to say, “Have a wonderful day,” or “Drive safely.”
Love is expressed in a co-worker taking the time to stop to ask how you are, and really listening to your response…offering a hug on a day when love feels elusive. It is the moment your FaceTime call comes in from your family or a close friend exactly at the moment you are longing for their presence.
It matters to recognize these forms because love surrounds us far more often than we notice…and in today’s culture and climate…we need to hold onto all of the gifts of love that surround us…in real time…and within our memory…
Notice them…Embrace them…
These moments may seem ordinary, yet they are woven into the fabric of what makes life meaningful…where we are seen and heard.
Many years ago, Steve said these words to me, “I will be your witness.”
LOVE.
Thinkers like Seneca wrote that “a person cannot truly live well by existing only for themselves; to live fully, we must also live for others.”
So love despite the uncertainty. Love despite the inevitability of loss. Choose closeness over emotional distance, presence over self-protection. Allow yourself to care deeply, even knowing the risk, because that willingness to love is part of “witnessing” the most beautiful and meaningful part of one’s life.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Music is one of my greatest lifelines, and moving my body to the songs I love is a kind of euphoria I never want to lose.
Last night, knowing my spinal challenges and Lupus required care, I still got lost in the music—“Hurts So Good” (pun intended). I stood up beside Dan at the restaurant table and began to move with joy and exhilaration…and belting out the lyrics. 🙂
He gently put his arm around my waist and said, “Please be careful… you don’t really want to ‘hurt so good.”
And…he was right.
Afterwards when I got home, I lay awake convinced I might have re-fractured my spine. I even considered going to the ER. Thankfully, this morning I can breathe again—literally—and my body is okay.
And…lesson taken to heart.
It is frustrating at times, learning to honor a body that has changed. I can’t dance the way I once did. And…I am deeply grateful that I can walk with ease, work, and share life with the people I love.
I am holding space for the “ands” in my life.
I have limitations, and I still live a full, meaningful life in a body that has carried me through illness, addiction, heartbreak, loss, and even seasons when my spirit felt broken.
Life looks different now—but the “ands” remind me it is never black and white. There is so much life in the shades of gray.
I can still dance—more gently. I can still sing at the top of my lungs. I can still feel the music “move me”, experience nature, and words deeply, in ways that honor who I am today. I can still feel the euphoria when my grandchildren shriek with joy simply by being in my presence—just as I am.
I embrace the challenges and the experiences that bring me deeper self-awareness in my aging body, uncovering new strengths and resilience as I live into this evolving version of my life.
And that, too, is exhilarating.
It really is about how we choose to embrace change…and, choosing new perspectives.
We create the trajectory of our new normal.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Although we both live with our “one and only forever loves” deep within our souls, we enjoy a close friendship…laughing, talking, walking, dancing, hugging, eating… sharing. Tenderness. And it is a pleasure-filled space with ease, grace, emotional maturity, and pure joy. We meet each other exactly where we are with absolutely no expectations.
Last night, we realized our friendship has been growing organically for a year…a friendship based on mutual understanding, similar interests, spiritual practices, like-minded values, emotional maturity, truly caring about each other and our hearts, and respecting the forever loves we each carry in different ways—through loss, distance, and the passage of time… the forever loves that remain in our souls, though no longer beside us on life’s path.
There can be great beauty in companionship that is warm, attentive, emotionally safe, and deeply fulfilling. Perhaps at this stage of life, some of the most meaningful relationships are not the ones that promise forever… but the ones that bring tenderness, presence, ease, and aliveness into the days we are living right now.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
May is Mental Health Awareness Month.
Please be mindful of your words and language…
Things not to say to someone who is depressed:
“It will pass.”
“Just forget about it.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“Just think positive.”
“You have so much to be grateful for.”
Depression is not weakness, negativity, or lack of gratitude.
It is emotional pain that deserves compassion, patience, support, and empathy.
It IS a mental health disorder.
It IS diagnosable and treatable.
Sometimes the most healing words are simply…
“I’m here.”
“You matter.”
“You don’t have to carry this alone.”
“I can see how difficult this is for you. How can I help?”
AND…
“I can help you find the proper resources if you are open to it.”
All a person needs who is living with depression is to know that one other person cares.
I am a trained mental health specialist, educator and consultant in Mental Health First Aid, Suicide Safety for Schools, Trauma Informed Care, De-Escalation, Conflict Resolution, Motivational Interviewing, Spiritual Wellness, Mental Health and Wellness, to name a few…
Even I, a well trained mental health professional, live with bouts of depression and need support.
It is the greatest form of love and friendship.
To learn more about depression, go to https://www.nami.org
You can also contact your local Mental Health Association for free support.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Finding a new love does not mean that we seek to replace or forget our old love. Both can exist simultaneously…and both can exist separately in what they represent, and offer, to a relationship in a healthy way.
A new love does not erase the meaning, history, or imprint of a previous love. Human hearts are expansive enough to hold grief, memory, affection, longing, gratitude, and new connection at the same time.
An old love may represent:
shared history
deep familiarity
spiritual lessons
family
deep passion
unfinished emotion
a chapter of who we once were
A new love may represent:
safety
growth
reciprocity
peace
emotional maturity
companionship
possibility
Those realities can coexist without diminishing one another. The important distinction is whether the past is being honored versus unconsciously recreated, clung to, or used to avoid intimacy in the present.
Loving again does not invalidate what came before. And remembering an old love does not make a new love second best…
In fact, depending upon one’s openness to new experiences with a new partner…
It can be as fulfilling…if not more fulfilling than what we once experienced.
It is all about perspective and willingness to “live again…”
“Still Rolling Stones…”
Love and blessings,
Wendy
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