Having so much free time is exhausting.
Free time is wonderful when we’re using it to live.
But…when there’s an enormous amount of unstructured time during a difficult emotional season, it can reopen a wound for every memory, every what if, every comparison, every loss to bleed once again into the present moment…and feel like death.
And this summer break has given me a lot of time to reflect on my 14 years of “wellness in recovery “ from prescription drug addiction…write…re-process and practice acceptance…intermittently, if I’m being honest.
I have recognized patterns. I have grieved. I have learned to change my environment in my grief in order to re-center myself.
I recall the woman I once was…and the life I once had.
And…I also recognize the woman I have become.
Sober, Independent, inspiring, passionate, productive, and dedicated to my 14 years of sobriety…second to none.
But reflection doesn’t always feel like healing while we are “living” it.
Sometimes reflection deeply hurts before it integrates.
I’ve discovered that reflection can be both a gift—and a burden.
It can highlight how far we’ve come…while simultaneously reminding us of all we have lost.
And…I continue upon my journey…one moment at a time…carrying my past with me as a badge of honor as I return to a full schedule tomorrow as an educator…
And I rise once again.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
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