Author: wendyblanchard044

Author, Mental Health and Wellness Educator, Board Certified Peer Specialist in mental health and substance use disorder, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach
BOOK

WHICH WOLF WILL YOU FEED? – LOVE, WENDY

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“When we have apologized for our mistakes in earnest and with deep remorse, we move forward with the lesson and we make better choices.

As I observe one with deep rooted anger who chooses to hold a grudge, I also observe one’s fear of losing control of an ex-partner’s choices and decisions.

In a toxic relationship where both parties are being influenced by unhealthy substances, thoughts and behaviors that have been lifelong, and one of the parties chooses to change the trajectory of their life to that of spirituality and wellness, the one who remains isolated in one’s toxic choices becomes resentful.

They resent that there is no longer a codependency. They may even long to find a spiritual practice to support them and wellness that is born of healthy practices.

However, one may not have the discipline or the inner strength to face themselves, or to speak their truth…even to themselves. And one who is white knuckling the fear of the loss of control over another, and/or being left alone to live in their toxic environment may even suck in the family, even the children they share in an attempt to deflect the attention off of themselves. They remain stuck in the past. They choose to continue living in a self created toxic environment.

This is the space where one makes a choice. This is the space where one chooses which wolf to feed.

Which wolf will you feed?

I consistently choose not to feed the wolf who will intentionally chew slowly at my soul, in an attempt to devour its rebirth.

I feed only those who come to the table with an empty plate with the intention of being grateful for all of our blessings. I feed only those who join me in choosing healthy practices, empathy, and love. I choose the one who chooses “light and hope.”

Talk: Which Wolf are you Feeding? | The School of Positive Psychology

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK

NOT ALL SNAKES SHED THEIR SKIN – WENDY BLANCHARD, M.S., INHC, NYCPS

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“In the past, I have given willingly and selflessly of my kind and loving nature to anyone who needed a smile, a hug, a shoulder, an ear, and/or one who may have felt alone, or lonely. One who did not have anyone to offer these basic necessities. Friendship. Empathy. Compassion. Love. Even a cheerleader. I always felt that it is an honor to be “called” to offer love.

In the past, I have always stood in the belief that when we give away to others what we feel we need, the Universe will bring it back to us in our own blessings. The ripple effect that offers love, peace, and wellness. I have always believed that when I felt I needed love, I gave more love. When I felt I needed empathy, I offered deeper empathy…and so on.

It turns out that not everyone is of the same mindset. Yesterday, on Thanksgiving Day, I was given a brutal reminder that there are others who are unable, and/or unwilling to feel empathy, compassion and unconditional love, or to offer a genuine word of encouragement, let alone friendship. And, even more unconscionable, watching this man purposefully try to attempt to jeopardize my recovery right in front of our family.

I am proud to be in my 9th year of recovery from substance use disorder, specifically prescription drugs, where I am thriving and living my life on my own terms where God/Spirit/Universe is at the foundation of it all.

You cannot outsmart the Universe.

The behavior that which was intentinally directed at me, could not penetrate my discipline to my wellness. And, I actually felt empathy for him because this particular pattern of behavior that has existed decades long, is something that he is struggling with internally.

It was not about me.

For decades, I allowed one with a disingenuous soul use my kindness, love, and beautiful heart to their own selfish advantage. The daily conversations and the majority of situations was always centered around him. I was completely invisible. So much so that at the breakfast table, after cooking a beautiful meal for him, day after day, month after month, he held up a newspaper in front of his face so that he would not have to speak to me, or wore headphones to listen to the radio in order to purposefully “turn me off.” I cried myself to sleep every night, or just numbed out with prescription pills for decades due to living with one who could not feel, or offer any emotional connection. And, I was too unwell to leave.

My hell and my haven.

I developed an addiction to shopping in addition to the prescription drugs in order to attempt to fill the void that I felt. It was the only way I knew how to cope with such despair, neglect, deep lonliness, as well as the emotional abuse.

My upcoming book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care will outline some of the details of that toxic relationship, and the lengths that I went to in order to try to “force” him to love me, and how I learned to love myself instead using “spiritual solutions and self care.”

I had to ask myself yesterday, and this morning, “Why do I continue to allow myself to be aligned with this man, and to be in the same space with him in order to please our family, albeit infrequently?

The answer? I still have more inner work to do. The triggers that he generates in me are all about me. I am the only one who can reconcile any feelings of unworthiness or feelings of being “unlovable.”

I am grateful for this experience. It has offered me the opportunity to recognize any lingering feelings of unworthiness or feelings of being unlovable, and to go more deeply to heal those emotions. I did not waiver in my response to this man. My response exuded self confidence, self esteem and the behavior of a grown ass woman.

I kept my eyes right on his, my words were deliberate, and calm, and when “I” was done speaking my truth, I smiled, and I moved right along into starting a new conversation with others.

I have grown. I have evolved. And yes, I will continue to learn and to do the inner work to heal further.

Most importantly, I will never again allow anyone else, no matter who they are, family, friend, child, peer, acquaintence, to steer the trajectory of my thoughts and behaviors.

This grown ass woman has definitely “changed her spots.” Not all snakes shed their skin.

Speak you truth. It is where your freedom begins.

Please watch for my upcoming publishing date for Write Pray Recover!

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life

EXCERPT FROM MY UPCOMING BOOK:WRITE PRAY RECOVER:A JOURNEY TO WELLNESS THROUGH SPIRITUAL SOLUTIONS AND SELF CARE-CHAPTER 7:STRENGTH FROM WITHIN AND LOVE ALL AROUND “LOVE IS ALWAYS THE ANTIDOTE”

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I began by journaling about this twice a week, only allowing myself thirty minute 

increments to do so. This type of writing can bring up deeply suppressed emotions, and it did, leaving me feeling raw and naked. It was emotionally and physically draining, and it left me somewhat weak after the severe and deep sobbing it evoked. 

Please do not try this type of writing without a professional on standby to guide you.

Afterwards, I would practice some type of self-care that was healing for me: I would meditate, go for a walk, do some breath work, etc. Later,  I would come back to my writing to “reframe” how I would acknowledge and accept what I had discovered through my journaling. Also, I would plan how would I navigate it all in the future now that I had purged it. I was all cleaned out…for now. When it comes up again in the future, I now have an awareness of how I want to think, and how I want to respond to my emotions and feelings in a healthier way. 

In this space, I found deep empathy, compassion, and love for my mother, and I have been able to find the peace that I deserve, and to energetically offer my mother the compassion that she deserves. I could not understand any of this as a child or  as an unwell adolescent and adult myself. But, I totally get it now. Mental illness is in our DNA, and is exacerbated by our environment and lack of self-care, all of which were present in my life, in my parents’ lives, and in their parents’ lives. It is familial and generational. I believe that I have been able to break the chain using my own awareness, self regulation, trauma work, ongoing support, and most definitely my spiritual solutions and self-care practices. Whenever I begin to feel the anxiety creep in, I go back to read my “reframing” of the experiences written in my journal, I implement more extensive self care practices and spiritual solutions to support any dys-regulation that I may be experiencing. I have discovered forgiveness of my parents who just did not have the tools or awareness that I have been blessed to be given and to experience, as well as my deep faith. 

I do the same when I do my expressive writing to Steve. I surrender it all. It is a part of my past. I mindfully choose not to bring it into my present or project it into my future. As A Course In Miracles states, “I can choose peace rather than this.” And I do. In that peace, I am able to connect with my feelings of love and acceptance toward my parents , Steve, and for myself.

I have realized that my mom did the best that she could with what she

knew at the time, and the tools she had (basically none), and that she

lived with paralyzing fear and anxiety throughout her life.

I love my mother, and I miss her every day.

It was the same with my father. He did the best that he could with what

he knew, and with the tools that he had at the time. Also none. And he

lived with alcohol use disorder and a severe and persistent mental illness.

He numbed his pain with alcohol and other addictions.

I love my father. I think of him every day.

And it is the same for Steve. He did the best that he could with what he

knew in navigating our relationship with the tools that he had at the time.

I love Steve and think of him every day.

And it is the same for me. I did the best that I could in navigating all

of these challenges and relationships with what I knew and with the tools

that I had at the time.

I love the woman that I have become, and I take care of me every day.”

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life

How we think determines our outcome – Love, Wendy

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“Living in chronic pain and experiencing physical challenges caused by an autoimmune disease can deplete your energy, enthusiasm and change the trajectory of one’s wellness.

However, I maintain that in spite of these challenges, I still have a remarkable brain, filled with knowledge and thirst to continue to saturate it with even more. For that I am grateful. I can still think, create, and serve others.

I have a gorgeous heart filled with love to give, and a deep capacity to receive.

Even if this disease should completely disable me, I will never allow it to define me.

It is always a choice to continue on even in the most challenging of circumstances.

It is about perspective, and the thoughts that we choose to lead us.”

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life

LOVE CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS – LOVE, WENDY

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“When the Universe steps in and ties your hands behind your back, there is no choice other than to surrender. Pray. Meditate. Listen. Pause for peace through the knowing that the love of the Universe can move mountains.

And, when it involves a loved one, especially one’s child, there is no choice other than to trust. Pray. Meditate. Listen. Pause for peace through the knowing that the love of the Universe can move mountains.

Pray again. Surrender it to the Universe. Trust.

Love can move mountains.”

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life

IT WAS ALL FOR MY CHILDREN – LOVE, WENDY

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There is a definite ripple effect onto our children when we are living with a mental health disorder as they grow up and evolve into their own adulthood.

And, when we have the presence of mind to understand our disorder, and to ask for help to heal, we may be able to lead by example for our precious adult children.

It is a possibility. It is never too late to create change.

It takes a realization of how a generational disease continues to filter down to generation after generation until one, like myself, breaks the chain of inherent disease. Once I discovered, middle aged, that our DNA does not have to define us for the rest of our lives, I changed the trajectory of my own mental health. With persistence and patience with my adult children, I lead by a healthy example through spiritual solutions and self care.

I do not remain disheartened in my past. There is no way to change what has happened.

The only change that I may create, is one in the present moment.”

Love and blessings,

Wendy