BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Unlearning is a Learned Mindset:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

We make choices and decisions based on what we have been taught and what has been modeled as normal.

Yet, unlearning can also be a learned behavior...one that is mindful, healthy, and transformative. It invites us to open ourselves to new perspectives, challenge old assumptions, and view situations through a wider lens.

Growth often begins not with learning something new, but with being willing to see something differently.

AFTERTHOUGHTS:

Over the past decade plus, I’ve been questioning long-held beliefs about responsibility, self-sacrifice, work, relationships, health, and even what it means to care for yourself. This is not just learning—it’s unlearning. And sometimes that is the harder, braver work…the work that calls for inner reflection, self compassion, courage and the willingness to create change.

My reflections recognizes something many people overlook…we don’t arrive at our beliefs, reactions, and choices in a vacuum. They were shaped by family systems, culture, experiences, wounds, triumphs, and the examples we witnessed from our caregivers and others in our orbit. Understanding that can bring self compassion rather than judgment, and can be the catalyst to transformation…slowly and methodically.

At the same time, I believe my reflection carries a message of hope. If behaviors, beliefs, and ways of seeing the world were learned, then they can also be reexamined, refined, and many times…released. We are never bound by what was handed to us…we can loosen our grip, release it, and unlearn…replacing our original beliefs with what aligns with who we are, and who we are “becoming.”

I remember Steve telling me years ago to “assume nothing and question everything.” And I have repeatedly engaged in endless questioning for a deeper understanding of where my beliefs and behaviors have originated, and if and how they serve me. I have chosen mindful “unlearning” of what does not benefit my lifestyle, and of those in my life.

One of my favorite ideas is that wisdom is not always found in adding more. Sometimes wisdom is found in subtracting what no longer aligns with with who we are and who we are “becoming”…old fears, outdated narratives, inherited expectations, and limiting beliefs.

In that sense, unlearning is every bit as sacred as learning.

“Unlearning” IS a mindful, learned mindset.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Emergence:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

Growth is emergence into a new way of thinking and being, shaped by experiencing our experiences with an open mind, open eyes, and the willingness to see through a wider lens.

It is the process of allowing life, reflection, mistakes, insight, and awareness to transform how we understand ourselves, others, and the world around us.

Through this process, we evolve into something expanded, more conscious, and more aware than before.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

Afterthoughts:

I feel like I’ve traveled a million miles over the past 14 years of sobriety, yet sometimes it feels like my mind is still catching up.

There’s that saying: “Wherever you go, there you are.” And I think so many of us quietly live the truth of that—searching outside ourselves for answers, identity, and validation, hoping external things will finally define our worth.

Over time, I’ve come to realize how easily we can measure ourselves through external factors—people’s opinions, relationships, achievements, struggles, and circumstances—and forget to ask where that need for validation actually comes from.

For me, the deeper work has been learning to pause and ask those questions. To understand the roots of why I attach value outside of myself. And slowly, to begin reconnecting with a more internal sense of worth—one that is steadier, quieter, and more honest.

And I won’t pretend I have it figured out. I don’t.

I’ve made mistakes. I’ve contradicted myself. I’ve been ungrateful at times, and at other times entitled. I’ve created unnecessary anxiety worrying about things I cannot control—things that, in the end, always worked themselves out anyway.

I have trust issues. I have very little patience for dishonesty, toxicity, or nonsense—and yet those realities still exist in the world around me, and I’m still learning how to coexist without letting them consume my peace.

This is simply where I am on the journey: not finished, not perfected, but aware. Still learning. Still growing. Still trying to live with more honesty, self-awareness, patience, and grace.

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Choosing Myself:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

Your health is not something you can replace. Choosing yourself is self care…and self respect.

Paying attention to your body’s reality rather than to the pressure of what you think you “should” be doing or what other’s thoughts about it are…is self care…and self respect. When you do not lead by example in this way, the more you push through, the more you are expected to push through…and your body continues to become depleted.

In “helping” professions, we are conditioned to push through, show up, sacrifice, and prove our dedication. Yet “I must value my own health” is “self help” for recovering from any illness, most especially an acute illness that takes you down suddenly and requires patience, care, time and medical treatment to heal.

There is something profoundly different about the choice I have recently made about self care, self respect and self preservation…

A “Me First” mindset…not in a selfish way, but in a selfless way…

The realization that ‘I am worthy of care’ is a profound rite of passage.

When one has spent a lifetime caring for others and is finally giving herself permission to extend that same compassion and grace to herself…it reveals the quiet courage of self preservation…and that she, too, is worthy of care.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Just Breathe:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

There is nothing more frightening—and humbling—than losing the ability to draw in the air that surrounds you—the oxygen that sustains life itself.

Breath is more than a biological function…it is a metaphor for freedom.

Our breath is our most accessible tool for intervening with our physiology in real time. When the body becomes so depleted that breath is no longer readily accessible…it reminds us that what sustains us is both finite and precious.

We are reminded of the fragility of things we sometimes take for granted. This is where humility and gratitude emerge.

We rarely notice the gift of breath until access is denied. In that moment, every effortless inhale becomes an expression of freedom, gratitude, and grace.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Dating – Love, Wendy

Dating is optional for me.

My bills are paid. My home is clean and peaceful. My bed is big. Peace already exists in my life. It is non negotiable…I cherish my autonomy…

If you enter my life, bring honesty, integrity, kindness, laughter, and ease.

Anything less does not add value to the life I’ve worked hard to create.

Love,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Holding Space for the “Ands” – Dancing Slowly Through Life:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

Music is one of my greatest lifelines, and moving my body to the songs I love is a kind of euphoria I never want to lose.

Last night, knowing my spinal challenges and Lupus required care, I still got lost in the music—“Hurts So Good” (pun intended). I stood up beside Dan at the restaurant table and began to move with joy and exhilaration…and belting out the lyrics. 🙂

He gently put his arm around my waist and said, “Please be careful… you don’t really want to ‘hurt so good.”

And…he was right.

Afterwards when I got home, I lay awake convinced I might have re-fractured my spine. I even considered going to the ER. Thankfully, this morning I can breathe again—literally—and my body is okay.

And…lesson taken to heart.

It is frustrating at times, learning to honor a body that has changed. I can’t dance the way I once did. And…I am deeply grateful that I can walk with ease, work, and share life with the people I love.

I am holding space for the “ands” in my life.

I have limitations, and I still live a full, meaningful life in a body that has carried me through illness, addiction, heartbreak, loss, and even seasons when my spirit felt broken.

Life looks different now—but the “ands” remind me it is never black and white. There is so much life in the shades of gray.

I can still dance—more gently. I can still sing at the top of my lungs. I can still feel the music “move me”, experience nature, and words deeply, in ways that honor who I am today. I can still feel the euphoria when my grandchildren shriek with joy simply by being in my presence—just as I am.

I embrace the challenges and the experiences that bring me deeper self-awareness in my aging body, uncovering new strengths and resilience as I live into this evolving version of my life.

And that, too, is exhilarating.

It really is about how we choose to embrace change…and, choosing new perspectives.

We create the trajectory of our new normal.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

The Beauty of Friendship and Companionship:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

Although we both live with our “one and only forever loves” deep within our souls, we enjoy a close friendship…laughing, talking, walking, dancing, hugging, eating… sharing. Tenderness. And it is a pleasure-filled space with ease, grace, emotional maturity, and pure joy. We meet each other exactly where we are with absolutely no expectations.

Last night, we realized our friendship has been growing organically for a year…a friendship based on mutual understanding, similar interests, spiritual practices, like-minded values, emotional maturity, truly caring about each other and our hearts, and respecting the forever loves we each carry in different ways—through loss, distance, and the passage of time… the forever loves that remain in our souls, though no longer beside us on life’s path.

There can be great beauty in companionship that is warm, attentive, emotionally safe, and deeply fulfilling. Perhaps at this stage of life, some of the most meaningful relationships are not the ones that promise forever… but the ones that bring tenderness, presence, ease, and aliveness into the days we are living right now.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

May is Mental Health Awareness Month – Depression Is A Mental Health Disorder – Love, Wendy

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

Please be mindful of your words and language…

Things not to say to someone who is depressed:

“It will pass.”
“Just forget about it.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“Just think positive.”
“You have so much to be grateful for.”

Depression is not weakness, negativity, or lack of gratitude.
It is emotional pain that deserves compassion, patience, support, and empathy.
It IS a mental health disorder.
It IS diagnosable and treatable.

Sometimes the most healing words are simply…
“I’m here.”
“You matter.”
“You don’t have to carry this alone.”
“I can see how difficult this is for you. How can I help?”

AND…

“I can help you find the proper resources if you are open to it.”

All a person needs who is living with depression is to know that one other person cares.

I am a trained mental health specialist, educator and consultant in Mental Health First Aid, Suicide Safety for Schools, Trauma Informed Care, De-Escalation, Conflict Resolution, Motivational Interviewing, Spiritual Wellness, Mental Health and Wellness, to name a few…

Even I, a well trained mental health professional, live with bouts of depression and need support.

It is the greatest form of love and friendship.

To learn more about depression, go to https://www.nami.org

You can also contact your local Mental Health Association for free support.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Boundaries:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

Even the most loving and compassionate people have their limits…

It’s called boundaries.

One of the greatest acts of self care is to quietly remove yourself from situations and people that repeatedly and purposefully disrespect your soul, negatively impact your mental health, and hurt your heart.

Self care is the actions that we take to achieve wellness…and wellness is where we stand in our power.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Grace over Fear:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

Recent neuroscience research at USC found that when deeply held beliefs are challenged, the brain activates the same threat-detection regions used in moments of physical danger. In other words, the brain can experience an attack on identity as a threat to survival itself. That’s why simply telling people to “be more open-minded” is rarely effective; defensive reactions often occur beneath conscious awareness. Those who struggle most with change are often not the least intelligent, but the most deeply invested in a particular identity, expertise, or worldview. When long-held foundations shift, it can feel less like learning something new and more like defending one’s very sense of self.

Perhaps true growth begins when we stop seeing change as a threat to our identity and start recognizing it as an invitation to deepen ourselves as we go within to explore and to discover and to evolve…and to deepen humanity. I have had to release many identities throughout my life — wife, the woman lost in addiction, even the version of myself who believed she had to suffer in silence to survive. What remains is something far more meaningful: a mother, a teacher, a woman in long term recovery, and a human being continually learning how to evolve with grace rather than fear.

Grace grounds us in what remains when everything else shifts—our capacity to stay present, to soften instead of resist, and to trust that even in change, we are still becoming whole.

Love and blessings,

Wendy