Category: BOOK

I always maintain that I am stronger than Lupus.

Until now.

The past week after returning back to a full time job as a Reading Specialist in a school district that encompasses an 8 hour day, excessive walking, standing and sitting (although I was given accomodations to avoid this but is unavoidable), driving 60 miles round trip, and running my business to provide mental health and wellness coaching and workshops before and after school hours, I have learned that I am no match for my diagnosis of Lupus/Inflammatory Arthritis.

The arthritis is in my spine which radiates into my jaw and arms, alongside of a nerve impingement and degenerative disc disease which affects my walking and standing. Oh, and if I sit more than a few minutes, that doesn’t work either.

I have purchased a thick foam pad for underneath my feet, 3 pairs of expensive sneakers that are listed as “the best choice for standing on concrete floors all day,” have been given a standing desk in my office, and I sit with a heating pad on my back for relief most of the day. Motrin does not get to the pain. I will not take pain medication because I am dedicated to my recovery from prescription drug addiction now in my 10th year of recovery.

I am not stronger than my challenges, however…

I am doing my best every day to remain positive, and to look for a deeper meaning…

A SPIRITUAL MEANING to my challenges.

My body needs a gentle flow, rest, love and daily physical therapy to maintain my wellness. It needs nourishment body, mind and spirit.

Instead my body is swollen, it feels heavy, and the pain is systemic. The severity of the pain affects my thinking. Yesterday was the worst. I had complete brain fog just 30 minutes into my day. NO RELIEF. The pain literally takes my breath away. Recently a doctor shrugged at me and said, “There’s nothing else I can do for you.” WOW.

And…

Instead of giving myself what I know that my body needs to thrive…

I work to live.

Many of us have no choice.

At 64 years old and living with these challenges in addition to no financial resources, I am forced to do my PT at home at 4am, in excruciating pain and through a few tears, limp into the bathroom to take a shower, put on my makeup as I brace my body up against the sink to take the pressure off of my spine, sit with heat on my back for a few minutes, carry my briefcase, lunch bag and books to the car, drive to work, (thankful for the heated seats and lumbar support seat) carry everything into my building, and by the time I get there, my poor body is reeling in pain, spasms, and exhaustion. This even after the doctor said, “Do not carry anything heavier than a fork.” But, I cannot pull one of those suitcases on wheels, and there is nobody to assist me when I arrive at work.

And, because I have no choice other than to “work to live,” I have now had to agree to take a medication that I have said no to for years that treats Lupus/Arthritis. It is a drug that is normally used for depression, but in a very small dose (10mg) I am told it treats this type of pain. “Nortriptyline works by increasing the amount of specific nerve transmitters in the nervous system, reducing pain messages arriving in the brain.”

So it is NOT treating or curing my disease, it is just a band-aid. And it is screwing with my very healthy brain…one I have prided myself in taking special care of these last 10 years of my recovery from prescription drug addiction.

Spiritual meaning??? Hmmmm…

A couple of days ago as my specialist looked at the severe swelling in my knees, she said all I can do is ice, and elevate.

WHEN??? WHERE???

And, she said I need to “increase the Nortriptyline to 20mg for more effective pain management.” So that I can go to work…

WTF…

I’ve had cortisone injections, 2 epidurals, and exercise every day walking at least 2 miles, PT, drink plenty of water, eat very “clean” with no sugar, gluten, dairy or processed foods, and only organic foods are in my diet in order to avoid inflammation, and have used every concoction of holistic supplements to try to reduce my inflammation. I have tried massages, and acupuncture. Nothing is long lasting for this type of pain.

I KNOW my body and I am expericing systemic inflammation ongoing. Physical and mental stress keeps our bodies in a state of inflammation.

I work to serve our global community in mental health and wellness which is my passion. I use my lived and field experience, as well as my book Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care to offer solutions to achieve wellness. This brings me joy.

My children and grandchildren bring me joy.

However, the pain and every symptom that I am experiencing zaps my energy.

I work to live.

I go to work, and come home to go to bed.

Yet, I am still “going deeper” to find the spiritual meaning of what seems to be a life lesson.

I’m not there yet…

To be continued…

Love and blessings,

Wendy

Our greatest growth is when we realize our limitations being inflicted by the story we repeat to ourselves, and we finally decide to step out of that mindset and awaken into the loving arms of the Universe where everything is a possibility.

Love,

Wendy

When one runs out of options, I have seen a precious soul give up on life.

Homeless, hungry and hopeless.

How do we help our global community to realize that suicide is so final, and never the answer.

Our precious global “brothers and sisters” are struggling with so much, and so much of it is financial hardship. Some nearing homelessness and hunger, and some who are already living this horrific reality…in the USA.

As I live with this real fear, daily, I stand with our global community and wonder…

What is the solution…

Love,

Wendy

What has happened to us as a collective community? The people who were once so willing to stay connected and to sincerely care about how “we are doing” seem to have withdrawn.

I hear this from clients, and I am experiencing this in my own life. Some people will stay connected, but you can viscerally feel the “arms length” connection.

Have we become so exhausted and hardened through our global challenges that we have retreated, even from those we once stayed connected to daily?

Have we become so consumed with our own challenges that we can’t even make the time to send a simple text or to make time for a connection call? To ask another “how are you” and really listen to their answer?

Well, not this woman.

No matter what is going on in my life, I will always remain present and connected to those that I love and those whom I serve…always.

I know what it feels like to be discarded, and I will never cause another precious human being to feel that way.

We are all experiencing many similar challenges and adversity, and we become a closer community when we share and support our loved ones, and neighbors.

Love and connection is the antidote.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

If someone repeatedly shows you who they are, and you don’t want to “see” it, God steps in to show you in the most brutally enlightening way… in a way that you could not see with your human sight.

There is NO denying it anymore.

When we allow ourselves to see beyond our physical limitations, God shows us “truth.”

Take your time with processing the information. Love always remains, but reality is sobering. I choose to be sober. Open your eyes. The “truth” is blinding.

Love,

Wendy

I have a theory as I watch the duplicitous behavior of one I thought I once knew, and loved… When you don’t have a life purpose, find yourself alone with too much time available as an aging adult, and where one does not have self esteem, and does not love or believe in themselves, they become sucked into theories which may make them feel a part of something…anything…even behaving in ways that are inhumane.

This steers the trajectory of their thoughts, and behaviors, creating an altered perception of reality. When one is desperate to be loved and needed, and wants to belong, they will drink the Koolaid, no matter the personal cost.

And, I have just been a witness to the demise of a beautiful soul and otherwise intelligent mind.

An incredibly expensive lesson.

Love, Wendy

“I love you as a person but I don’t see the value in you as my partner.” -Love Is Blind

Touché

Love, Wendy

I continue to experience deep and profound spiritual lessons in the midst of hardship and chaos, and yet, I welcome these spiritual lessons.

As a spiritual student my task is to grow and evolve and to stand in my faith in order to continue as a spiritual teacher and spiritual first responder. I consistently continue to show up for those whom I serve.

If we live the experiences, we recognize the true meaning of life through adversity and challenge, as well as the gentle touch of spirits guidance.

And, we continue to reaffirm our own faith through these spiritual experiences by the grace of God.

In the still of the silence, the connection is the loudest. As my mother used to say, “The silence is deafening.”

Love and blessings,

Wendy

As I plan for this next stage of my life as a single, mature woman of sixty-something, I connect even more deeply to those beautiful souls who are faced with homelessness, hunger, and loss of safety and security.

Something needs to change in order to protect and to provide, especially for our aging population.

Who are we trusting and depending upon in our government to care for us as we retire, as we age, and as we require more resources in order to experience wellness and joy in our golden years?

Yesterday, I had an unsettling, eye opening experience as I sought out some temporary assistance due to my own personal needs for temporary assistance due to a long term illness where I am temporarily unable to work full time.

There are no more waiting lists for housing. “Supply outweighs the demand.”
If you earn over a few hundred dollars, you are not eligible for temporary benefits.
And, where there are resources, the wait is exponential, and the amount doesn’t feed a bird.

One could starve or be homeless by the time one receives support.

I met a woman, Joann, approximately 55 years of age, who has set up “home” on the park bench at the lake. She worked for a major corporation and was taken ill, and could no longer work. She ran out of sick time at work, and resources. Her “home sweet home” all year round, is a shopping cart filled with her most prized possessions, and a bench. She has a son who lives across the country who is unable to help her.

And, this can all happen to a U.S. citizen overnight.

If you are experiencing financial hardship and need emotional support, please email me at wendyblanchard044@gmail.com

Love and blessings,

Wendy