A spiritual lesson: A loving and devoted friend climbs into the muck with you whether to just hold you, keep you company, or to help you to sort through the muck to see the bottom in order to have clarity. They stay with you on many levels mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually that tells you that you are never alone. Words and behaviors align.
Those other “friends” who clearly see you drowning in the muck, who convey a message of “I’ll wait out here on solid ground, and when you climb out of it, I’ll smile at you yet, I will never offer you an opportunity to talk about the details. I will avoid the “muck” conversation at all costs. I will talk about myself and how well I am doing and/or how much my own “muck” has me stuck, detouring far away from what you are experiencing. (I probably lack the tools to be your spiritual friend or counterpart). I will dodge any conversation about the “muck” until I am certain that you have made peace with it.”
This is what we call a “fair weather” friend. Only after the muck has cleared up, do they call you or show up on your path as if they did not see or hear a thing, and yet they will continue to call you “friend.”
I have learned this lesson over and over, and although it is so disappointing, I never take this personally. I remind myself that this “friendship” is one sided, that this person does not have the tools to be in a committed friendship/relationship, and I begin to detach from that relationship.
This is a spiritual lesson where I remind myself to set boundaries, and to engage only in reciprocal relationships that are healthy and loving.