In my 10th year of recovery, I am still reminded of other’s lingering trauma from when I was in active disease. And they have the right to feel what they feel. Let’s face it…
Although addiction/substance use disorder is a brain disease, it caused me to behave in unhealthy ways that deeply affected my own life, and that of my family and friends.
I will say that I still feel hurt and somewhat isolated from some of my family and friends. It is a “different” relationship. It is always respectful, and fun, and loving, yet, with a defiinite sense of an implied “keep your distance.”
At the same time, I have worked so hard and succeeded to reinvent myself, and to lead by example, and to love unconditionally.
I cannot force anyone to feel something that may be gone due to whatever they have experienced, and/or perhaps their unwillingness to truly forgive. And perhaps they are fearful of a deeper connection because they fear I will go back to unhealthy choices/behaviors.
If we are unwilling to have an honest dialogue, nothing ever gets resolved.
Certainly, when one says, “I’m fine. I’m not angry anymore,” with their arms folded across their chest with deep sadness in their eyes, I recognize the underlying sadness and pain.
And, “although the reality is deeply painful, I take comfort in knowing that I am never alone.”
I focus on the relationships that have healed, and the ones that I am engaged in where we are still working together to get to a more connected place.
Both the disease and the destruction of the lives in its path, including my own.
But…I know that I have done, and continue to do my best…as a mother, a grandmother, a friend, a teacher/coach.
As painful as this is and heartbreaking for me, and for so many others who have survived this disease, all we can do is accept what is happening in the moment, and continue to pray.
We have no control over how someone else feels, or responds to us, or if that will ever change.
I continue to search for a deeper meaning. I believe I understand what that is… that we have no control…over anything…
I continue to practice my S.P.E.A.R. and S.W.I.M. into Wellness program to guide me, daily, through this process.
You can read about my program in my book Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care is available on Amazon, and other stores online worldwide.
Love and blessings,
P.S. LIVE YOUR LIFE…FOR YOU. WHOEVER IS MEANT TO BE ON YOUR JOURNEY WITH YOU, WILL BE.