“When one has never experienced unconditional love in their lifetime, most especially from their caregivers, one has no compass. They are lost, wandering aimlessly in un-chartered territory searching for anything to fill the void. It is always a temporary, unfulfilling experience.
If one has grown up with abandonment of a parent, an absent, albeit physically present caregiver, and/or an abusive and neglectful caregiver, a caregiver with multiple partners that are introduced to the children, that trauma experience becomes ones “love” compass. Abandonment. Trauma. Drama. Uncertainty. Feeling unsafe and insignificant. Craving attention. Mistrust.
“Remain detached so I will never have to be abandoned again.” Sometimes the pain is irreversible.
They search aimlessly for a partner. And when God offers them a loving partner, they become confused as they cannot identify with love. They self sabotage, as well as sabotage the relationship. It is a mindset of “ I am going to abandon you before you abandon me to avoid the pain.“ They are unable to trust or to love from an authentic place of experience.
One does not need a compass when they are alone in a familiar place.
Only those who put God/Spirit/Universe at the center of their daily lives, and those who choose to be brave enough to unpack, and explore the past trauma will one day be able to engage in a loving, healthy relationship.
This work is a freeing experience. It offers one awareness and enlightenment. It takes hard work, patience, acceptance and commitment to ones growth. Here is the space where we find self-love, and eventually can engage in a loving relationship.
It is not for the faint of heart.”
P.S…most of us have experienced some type of trauma. We are all finding our way. Our caregivers did the best that they could with the tools that they had at that time, as are we.
Take your time, stay away from self criticism and/or judgment, and be willing to explore and to heal.
Only you can create a healthy lifestyle change…Only you can choose love…
Pick up a compass and create your own path…