READ BETWEEN THE LINES…
LISTEN TO WHAT IS NOT BEING SAID.
WHEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN OF THE QUIET NOISE—THE LOUD WHISPERS—IT IS AN EAR-OPENING EXPERIENCE THAT IS DEAFENING.
WHAT IS BELIEVED TO BE A SAFELY GUARDED SECRET HAS ALREADY BECOME FRONT-PAGE NEWS.
THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO DON’T SEEM TO KNOW ARE THE ONES STILL WRITING THE GOSSIP COLUMN.
POWER OFTEN MISTAKES SILENCE FOR IGNORANCE.
AFTERTHOUGHT: Simply…Loud whispers…silent truth.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
A single domino falls, and suddenly an entire chain of events unfolds. Sometimes the first domino was set in motion years earlier by something we didn’t choose—a childhood lesson, a painful experience, an illness, a relationship, a loss.
Other times it’s a decision we make that quietly changes the direction of everything that follows.
This image below of the dominoes suggests that one event directly affects another…
And that’s true.
But so does one act of awareness.
One healthy choice.
One moment of courage.
One different perspective.
AFTERTHOUGHTS:
As I sit in reflection and meditation, and as I pray for perspective, this is what comes to me…
I have done the therapy. I have done the recovery work. I have examined my patterns. I have worked on unlearning old beliefs. I have fought for, and continue to fight for my health and wellness. I have tried to grow from every difficult and challenging experience.
And…at some point a person naturally looks around and says:
“Okay… when do I get to stop managing everything?” “When can I trust the dominoes to remain sturdy and standing on their own?” or “When will someone come along to lessen the load…just a tad…”
Not because I am giving up…But because I am exhausted from the constant need for maintenance.
Exhausted of tending the garden.
Exhausted of picking up the dominoes.
Exhausted of having to be so conscious, so vigilant, so self-aware all the time.
The dominoes (metaphor) never seem to stay standing. Something always comes along…a health issue, a family issue, a work issue, a relationship issue—and here I am again…being called to reset the line…because if I do not tend to the calling…”all the kings horses and all the kings men…” blah, blah, blah.
The part I would gently challenge and that which I ask myself is this: “Am I really back at the beginning each time?”
The circumstances may feel repetitive, but I engage each situation with lived experience and a wider lens of perspective where I can reframe the “assignment”.
I have to admit that eventually resilience starts to feel like a job description nobody asked for.
And when people say, “You’re so strong,” sometimes this is not a compliment…it is a burden…an expectation that I didn’t sign up for…
And you know what?!…for today…I am leaving the dominoes where they are…I am at peace with that as I take a pause to rest…
Somebody else can pick them up today…
And if nobody does, they’ll still be there tomorrow.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
We make choices and decisions based on what we have been taught and what has been modeled as normal.
Yet, unlearning can also be a learned behavior...one that is mindful, healthy, and transformative. It invites us to open ourselves to new perspectives, challenge old assumptions, and view situations through a wider lens.
Growth often begins not with learning something new, but with being willing to see something differently.
AFTERTHOUGHTS:
Over the past decade plus, I’ve been questioning long-held beliefs about responsibility, self-sacrifice, work, relationships, health, and even what it means to care for yourself. This is not just learning—it’s unlearning. And sometimes that is the harder, braver work…the work that calls for inner reflection, self compassion, courage and the willingness to create change.
My reflections recognizes something many people overlook…we don’t arrive at our beliefs, reactions, and choices in a vacuum. They were shaped by family systems, culture, experiences, wounds, triumphs, and the examples we witnessed from our caregivers and others in our orbit. Understanding that can bring self compassion rather than judgment, and can be the catalyst to transformation…slowly and methodically.
At the same time, I believe my reflection carries a message of hope. If behaviors, beliefs, and ways of seeing the world were learned, then they can also be reexamined, refined, and many times…released. We are never bound by what was handed to us…we can loosen our grip, release it, and unlearn…replacing our original beliefs with what aligns with who we are, and who we are “becoming.”
I remember Steve telling me years ago to “assume nothing and question everything.” And I have repeatedly engaged in endless questioning for a deeper understanding of where my beliefs and behaviors have originated, and if and how they serve me. I have chosen mindful “unlearning” of what does not benefit my lifestyle, and of those in my life.
One of my favorite ideas is that wisdom is not always found in adding more. Sometimes wisdom is found in subtracting what no longer aligns with with who we are and who we are “becoming”…old fears, outdated narratives, inherited expectations, and limiting beliefs.
In that sense, unlearning is every bit as sacred as learning.
“Unlearning” IS a mindful, learned mindset.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Growth is emergence into a new way of thinking and being, shaped by experiencing our experiences with an open mind, open eyes, and the willingness to see through a wider lens.
It is the process of allowing life, reflection, mistakes, insight, and awareness to transform how we understand ourselves, others, and the world around us.
Through this process, we evolve into something expanded, more conscious, and more aware than before.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Afterthoughts:
I feel like I’ve traveled a million miles over the past 14 years of sobriety, yet sometimes it feels like my mind is still catching up.
There’s that saying: “Wherever you go, there you are.” And I think so many of us quietly live the truth of that—searching outside ourselves for answers, identity, and validation, hoping external things will finally define our worth.
Over time, I’ve come to realize how easily we can measure ourselves through external factors—people’s opinions, relationships, achievements, struggles, and circumstances—and forget to ask where that need for validation actually comes from.
For me, the deeper work has been learning to pause and ask those questions. To understand the roots of why I attach value outside of myself. And slowly, to begin reconnecting with a more internal sense of worth—one that is steadier, quieter, and more honest.
And I won’t pretend I have it figured out. I don’t.
I’ve made mistakes. I’ve contradicted myself. I’ve been ungrateful at times, and at other times entitled. I’ve created unnecessary anxiety worrying about things I cannot control—things that, in the end, always worked themselves out anyway.
I have trust issues. I have very little patience for dishonesty, toxicity, or nonsense—and yet those realities still exist in the world around me, and I’m still learning how to coexist without letting them consume my peace.
This is simply where I am on the journey: not finished, not perfected, but aware. Still learning. Still growing. Still trying to live with more honesty, self-awareness, patience, and grace.
Your health is not something you can replace. Choosing yourself is self care…and self respect.
Paying attention to your body’s reality rather than to the pressure of what you think you “should” be doing or what other’s thoughts about it are…is self care…and self respect. When you do not lead by example in this way, the more you push through, the more you are expected to push through…and your body continues to become depleted.
In “helping” professions, we are conditioned to push through, show up, sacrifice, and prove our dedication. Yet “I must value my own health” is “self help” for recovering from any illness, most especially an acute illness that takes you down suddenly and requires patience, care, time and medical treatment to heal.
There is something profoundly different about the choice I have recently made about self care, self respect and self preservation…
A “Me First” mindset…not in a selfish way, but in a selfless way…
The realization that ‘I am worthy of care’ is a profound rite of passage.
When one has spent a lifetime caring for others and is finally giving herself permission to extend that same compassion and grace to herself…it reveals the quiet courage of self preservation…and that she, too, is worthy of care.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
I want to bring back landline phones and in person conversation…NO TEXTING…
I want to bring back pick up sticks and jacks to play with, Toys R Us, going to the neighbors house or having them to mine for coffee in the morning where they just walk in without having to knock.
I want to sit in a drive in theater and watch a movie with my love, read more books from the library, sit with my son in a coffee shop and catch up, get a mani/pedi with my daughter, grow all of my vegetables in my backyard and share it with my neighbors…join an in person book club.
I want to listen to “old time rock and roll”…music that made us swoon, made us dance, made us feel pumped and euphoric…connected us to each other…
And…I want cell phones and AI to be obsolete.
I even want my dairy delivered by the “milk man…”
I miss the simplicity of a time when people spent more time looking into each other’s eyes rather than into their screens…where the world that felt a little slower, a little kinder, a lot more authentic, and a lot more human…
Presence…Engagement…Closeness…
Ohhhh…THOSE were the days. 💕
Love and blessings,
Wendy
There is nothing more frightening—and humbling—than losing the ability to draw in the air that surrounds you—the oxygen that sustains life itself.
Breath is more than a biological function…it is a metaphor for freedom.
Our breath is our most accessible tool for intervening with our physiology in real time. When the body becomes so depleted that breath is no longer readily accessible…it reminds us that what sustains us is both finite and precious.
We are reminded of the fragility of things we sometimes take for granted. This is where humility and gratitude emerge.
We rarely notice the gift of breath until access is denied. In that moment, every effortless inhale becomes an expression of freedom, gratitude, and grace.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Dating is optional for me.
My bills are paid. My home is clean and peaceful. My bed is big. Peace already exists in my life. It is non negotiable…I cherish my autonomy…
If you enter my life, bring honesty, integrity, kindness, laughter, and ease.
Anything less does not add value to the life I’ve worked hard to create.
Love,
Wendy
After starting my life over at 54 years old, it took a great deal of courage…
Now, after fourteen years, I have grown into the woman, mother, grandmother, friend, and teacher I choose to be, and I am proud of who I continue to become…”Proud” as in earned…not boastful.
I embrace every opportunity to learn, grow, and keep an open mind and heart. Each day, I look for ways to make someone smile and leave our encounter feeling seen, valued, and cared about…
And I do see you…
By living my truth, celebrating my successes, and learning from the moments that call for a do-over, I continue to shape a life that reflects my values, purpose, and intentions…
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Home is not always a place…
Home can be a state of mind, found in any setting when we are with people who make us laugh, help us feel seen and heard, make us feel safe to just ‘be,’ show up consistently and stay present through life’s ups and downs, and remind us that we are loved…even when we don’t feel lovable.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
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