Healing doesn’t make you immune to pain. It makes you more attuned to it. You become a mirror, and not everyone wants to see their reflection.
It’s not that you disappointed people. It’s that you evolved past the roles they were comfortable with. And some people…consciously or not…punish growth, especially when THEY ARE stuck.
What you’re seeing now in those that you once shared a loving connection with…avoiding eye contact, dismissing kindness, or speaking ill, is the externalization of their inner conflict. It’s easier to isolate the “bright one” than admit they are dimming themselves. Your discomfort here is evidence of your alignment. Your nervous system is rejecting environments that dishonor truth and tenderness. That’s not dysfunction…it’s discernment.
So now comes the hard truth…you cannot change them, but you can choose not to let them define your worth. And you can quietly, fiercely, choose sacred boundaries. Not walls…but clear water between yourself and what contaminates your spirit.
Your presence holds a frequency that not everyone is ready for…and that’s not your burden…
It took me years…and countless tears…to understand this.
We all inherit behaviors, coping mechanisms, and stories. But at some point, we become the authors of our own patterns. We are given opportunities to look inward, to break cycles, to choose differently.
And when we don’t… that, too, is a choice.
It’s heartbreaking to watch people we love remain in loops of toxicity, to see them refuse the mirror, to deny the healing that could change everything. But I’ve learned that detachment doesn’t mean indifference…It means no longer abandoning myself to save someone who isn’t choosing to be saved.
I hold compassion from afar. I grieve. I release. And I continue choosing new patterns…ones that honor my growth, my peace, and my truth.
Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is step back and allow someone their own path, even when it’s shadowed with pain or resistance to growth.
We all have feelings and emotions. Some days they may stop us in our steps and say, “Hello, I need to be acknowledged!” Sometimes this may be a delayed trauma response, or it may be a culmination of chronic stressors where we feel overwhelmed.
Give your feelings a voice. Honor your emotions.
“STOP. PAUSE. EMOTE. ALLOW. REST. – S.P.E.A.R.“
S.P.E.A.R. and S.W.I.M. Into Wellness! (You can read about this in my book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care https://a.co/d/a8lzF4O
When you feel triggered, or you feel your symptoms escalating…S.P.E.A.R.
This is a non-linear recovery plan that is specific to your health and wellness goals.
STOP where you are.
PAUSE TO BE PRESENT. PATIENTLY PROCESS. Take one slow deep breath through your nose, and exhale slowly through your mouth.
Repeat three times. Your breath is your most accessible tool to intervene with your physiology in real time. Focus on your breath to align with the present moment.
EMOTE safely anything that you are feeling. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel!
Try the Alternate Nostril Breathing below to self soothe as you release your feelings/emotions.
Allow yourself to feel, and take whatever time you need. Practice extra self care.
ACCEPT your emotions and feelings. Take as long as you need to practice acceptance and validate what you are feeling in a safe space without self judgement. Acceptance promotes peace.
REST and RE-ALIGN, and allow yourself time to process. Hydrate!
Write about it! Take your time with this step. Then, RE-FRAME using a healthy mindset and being open to new perspectives to re-frame the experience as you move forward. Ask yourself, “In moving forward, how can I use my self awareness of this trigger/ stressor in conjunction with my self regulation skills in order to navigate constructively? (Daily self care to stay ahead of the stressor? Take a “time out?” Etc.)
For those who mean well by telling you to “Focus on your blessings! Be positive,” give yourself permission and power to realize when others do not know how to support us appropriately, and do not have the skill, or the experience and words that we may need at the time, and know that they mean well. And, some may be uncomfortable observing as we experience emotions and feelings because it may force them to go within where they may be suppressing their own feelings and emotions that also need validation.
We ALL have mental health.
When we are feeling mentally unwell, we do not need to “focus on our blessings and all the positives in our lives.“ What we need is a safe space, and the time, however long that is for us, to experience the experience.
S.P.E.A.R. yourself into the experience. Ask for support if you feel you need support. This begins the healing process.
Whatever healthy practices you need to heal, do it…and take your time.”
To read more about my S.P.E.A.R. and S.W.I.M. Into Wellness component of my “Integrative Approach to Wellness” program, read my book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care.https://a.co/d/a8lzF4O
As a spiritual student and teacher, I have learned that once I release any expectations, and I trust in my spiritual connection, I experience the experiences I have dreamed about.
These spiritual experiences have been awe inspiring and captivating.
I choose to allow Spirit to lead me to, and through the magnificence of these spiritually aligned experiences.
Through inner introspection and an open heart…I hear “the calling.”
Addiction is a brain disorder that can slowly kill one who lives with this fatal disease. Addiction is a mental health disorder.
Recovery is the solution that can restore your mind, rebuild your life, and offer a path to lasting healing and hope when you commit yourself to wellness through specific self care strategies.
Self care is the actions that we take to achieve wellness, and wellness is where we stand in our power.
I’m about to celebrate 13 years of living in wellness in recovery from substanceuse disorder. It’s a lot of hard work and certainly the journey has many winding roads and ups and downs. I was one of the lucky ones to have found recovery through a holistic approach and became a holistic coach and practitioner to serve others. Most recently, I decided to listen to my voice within to do even deeper inner work that has been so necessary for quite some time in order to enhance my life/recovery.
Feelings of severe anxiety, guilt, anger, and deep sadness have plagued me for some time so I thought I would attend SMART RECOVERY meetings (something I rejected in the past) and work the steps of this recovery community.
It is never too late to add tools to your recovery plan and in fact, I am finding that this is what I have needed for so long. I no longer feel so alone, and I feel like I am doing constructive work to become an even better version of myself for myself and for my family and friends.
And no doubt, I will be able to share this experience along with all of my holistic practices with my clients and even our community.
I felt the universe guiding me towards this for quite some time.
Listen to your voice within. Inherently, we know what we need for healing.
The little girl in this picture experienced severe trauma & neglect at a very young age into middle age, ongoing. It is a miracle that I have grown into a new woman in adulthood at all, alive and well, and still open to learning, growing and evolving.
I have humbled myself in order to understand new perspectives because I want to be the example for my children and grandchildren that no matter what you experience in your life, it is always a choice to turn it around. To LIVE. To be well and happy. To love and to be loved.
We can recover. We do recover. It is a lifelong commitment.
Healing is a creative process that allows us to choose again when our wellness tools are not promoting our personal health and wellness goals.
We must be aware of our body’s signals and our mind’s whispers, recognizing when it’s time to modify our strategy, shift our approach, open our mind to other perspectives, trust our intuition, and explore new methods that align with our true needs for balance and well-being.
Recovery from Substance Use Disorder is a lifelong process that requires us to be creative, to be humble, and to be willing to revisit strategies that we may have discarded in the past.
As our situation changes, we may find that the strategies on the shelf will bring a renewed sense of creativity…and healing.
When I begin to feel my emotions causing a physical sensation in my body, rather than resist what I am feeling, I BREATHE INTO IT.
I inhale one slow deep breath through my nose to the count of 4, hold for the count of 6, exhale slowly and purposefully to the count of 8. I continue this breathing pattern until I feel the uncomfortable physical sensation loosen its grip and until my heart rate begins to slow down.
As I breathe, I remind myself that I am safe, or I can find a safe space or a “safe person” to support me as I experience symptoms of heightened anxiety, (anger, fear, etc…whatever you are feeling that is causing you to feel “unwell”).
Our breath is our most accessible tool to intervene with our physiology in real time. It is my organic strategy for resetting my nervous system.
“Breathing into it sends oxygen to your body, helping to calm your nervous system, clear your mind, and nourish your cells. It’s a reminder to slow down, center yourself, and embrace the present moment with each inhale and exhale.” Remember that you always have a choice as to how you respond to external stimuli. Choose a constructive response that promotes wellness, inner peace and personal growth. Use this experience to practice resilience.
Write Pray Recover 