I meet you where you are.
I show up for you as you show up for me.
I communicate with you as you communicate with me.
I am there for you, as you are there for me.
I am your mirror.
I reflect back to you what you offer…
All or nothing.
I behave according to my character…regardless of yours.
Soft heart.
Strong spine.
Nothing left to prove. Nothing left to chase. Nothing left to lose…
Trifecta.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
“But you don’t look sick!”
I hear this too often.
Instead of smiling one more time without knowing how to respond, especially during this current flare…I am sharing this in the hope that those who truly want to understand what I — and millions of others live with, will pause to read and learn about Lupus.
For nearly six years after my last serious flare, I did not take Plaquenil or Prednisone. But in September 2025, just as I began a new school year as a Reading Specialist, I was struck with severe swelling in my legs and hands, systemic pain, and an inability to move my body naturally. I had to return to conventional SLE treatment.
And that familiar statement — “But you don’t look sick.”
It’s understandable. Lupus is often called the “invisible disease” because its most debilitating symptoms are internal. A person living with lupus may appear healthy on the outside while experiencing severe pain, inflammation, or even organ involvement internally.
Unless you have lived it, it is hard to describe.
For me, it feels like sharp, burning pain from my jaw to my feet — systemic and relentless — accompanied by joint swelling, muscle and bone throbbing, profound fatigue, and brain fog that makes even simple thoughts feel heavy.
This is my journey with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE).
“SLE is often referred to as “the disease with a thousand faces” because symptoms vary widely from person to person and can change over time. It is unpredictable — marked by flares (when symptoms worsen) and remissions (when symptoms improve) — with no set pattern.”
Lupus can present as:
Symptoms range from mild to life-threatening and may affect the kidneys, heart, lungs, or other organs. Thankfully, after extensive bloodwork and evaluation, my rheumatologist confirms that my organs remain healthy.
But much of Lupus remains unseen.
Why Lupus Is Called “Invisible”
Because it cannot always be seen, Lupus is often misunderstood.
The invisible nature of this disease can lead to skepticism and isolation. Sometimes I am too exhausted to explain why I need extra rest, why I avoid prolonged sunlight, or why I must cancel plans at the last minute. Complete rest — paired with short, gentle walks at my own pace — is often essential to calm inflammation while reminding my body that we must keep moving.
Research also shows higher rates of anxiety and depression among Lupus patients, often compounded by the feeling that their struggle is unacknowledged, and that others may not “want to see” what they see out of fear and being uninformed.
I am a strong woman. But when someone dismisses what is happening during a flare, it can hurt more deeply than the physical symptoms themselves.
What helps?
A simple “Thinking of you.”
A phone call.
A visit.
A cup of coffee placed gently in my hand with a loving gesture of friendship.
That is priceless.
I am not invisible.
I live with a chronic autoimmune disease that is.
I want to be met exactly where I am — not where I appear to be.
I am Wendy.
The mom.
The grandma.
The friend.
The sister.
The teacher.
The Integrative Nutrition Health Coach and Practitioner…
A kind and caring soul…who always “sees” you…and…
Who sometimes just needs a little extra tenderness during a flare — when it is frightening, painful, and unpredictable.
If you would like to learn more about lupus, how it affects millions of people, and how you can better support someone living with this invisible illness, please visit Lupus Foundation of America at Lupus.org.
Education creates understanding.
Understanding creates compassion.
Compassion creates connection.
And sometimes when you are meeting your body where it is, that means stillness, rest, hydration and acceptance that healing is non linear.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
As I continue to head towards remission from Lupus, there is something so sacred about 3:23 am when the world hasn’t started asking anything of you yet. Coffee warming your hands, Calm Radio on Pandora holding the nervous system steady, heat softening your back, and your words flowing freely…that’s medicine too. Deep, “lived and learned” medicine…WISDOM.
I know movement and stress will invite the swelling back with compromised movement and pain, and I am not denying that reality. But I believe that the arc is bending toward calm. Toward healing. Toward remission. Toward my body remembering safety again as I power WITH my body, not battling it in a “power over” mindset.
Living with an autoimmune disorder, we learn to harvest the gentleness in it’s presence.
For me, I allow my writing do what it does best…transmute pain into meaning…to remind me that I am always in control of my peace and wellness in the ways that I mindfully care for myself. I recall what has worked, and I repeat my self care to promote remission using an integrative approach.
This is wisdom born of mindful practice and acceptance of where I need to meet myself…exactly where I stand…or just sit…or even lie down…
Acceptance promotes peace.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
When you regulate your body…when you speak to yourself with kindness and empathy…and when you choose to live in peace and truth regardless of external circumstances, you intentionally interrupt the signal of dysregulation in both body and mind.
Within this mindset lies the possibility of healing alongside the ongoing processing and inner work that anxiety often reveals. Rather than resisting the trigger, we validate it, embrace it, and seek to understand its origin through intentional inner work—whether trauma-informed therapy, somatic awareness, or anxiety-conscious practices that help rewire our response to fear rather than react from it.
When practiced daily, this becomes a lifestyle shift. We begin to discern when we are truly in danger and when our past is bleeding into our present. And in that awareness, we reclaim what matters most: the recognition that, in this moment, we are safe in presence.
Inherently—though sometimes repressed—we all know the answer. It is lying beneath our emotions, waiting to be acknowledged… and released.
To work with me in healing and recovery in my capacity as a Recovery Coach and training in Mental Health First Aid, Suicide Safety, De-escalation, Motivational Interviewing, Conflict Resolution, Trauma Informed Approach and Spiritual Wellness, email me at wendyblanchard044@gmail.com.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
I have a son. I am not available to raise another adult who has not finished growing up.
Many men are deeply uncomfortable when they are not desired or made the center of a woman’s universe.
Instead of curiosity or self-reflection, they resort to self righteousness…dismissal, minimization, or narrative control. I have witnessed this pattern repeatedly, across dozens of interactions.
Emotional immaturity.
I would rather live alone, never lonely or offering “child care” to a “grown man” than participate in a dynamic where emotional underdevelopment is normalized and accountability is optional.
This is not an isolated experience—it is cultural.
Research and lived experience consistently show that many men are not socialized to develop emotional intelligence. Vulnerability is discouraged. Emotional fluency is replaced with defensiveness. Discomfort is avoided rather than examined. When a woman names a boundary or expresses a lack of connection, the response is too often dismissal designed to protect fragile self-worth rather than mutual respect.
Emotionally mature women are increasingly choosing solitude not because we fear intimacy, but because we understand it. We have done the inner work. We know what emotional presence feels like. We recognize when connection requires us to shrink, explain, or absorb someone else’s unexamined ego.
HELL NO…
When companionship comes at the cost of self-abandonment, solitude becomes the healthier, more desired choice.
Being alone through discernment is the ultimate self care.
It is self-respect.
It is a refusal to mother a man who is unwilling to become an adult.
Many of us lived through literal brokenness, abuse, neglect, financial shortfall, emotional bankruptcy and physical depletion due to a connection to one who drained our energy…body, mind and spirit…
And today, we live in presence, self-preservation, and the joy we cultivate as emotionally savvy souls, with a full plate of delights to share…
if and when aligned.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
I observe others who are living in their riches and skewed perception where they have never faced adversity or serious challenges that have affected their peace and wellbeing.
If you’re not in the “ring” getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your “don’t worry about a thing, everything‘s going to be all right” ignorant response…
Many times things do not turn out all right…
TKO…
People suffer.
People grieve.
People spend their entire lives striving for peace and wellness and praying for relief that never comes.
And when you’ve never faced the kind of challenges that alter your nervous system, your body, or your sense of safety, your optimism can become a form of “dismissal.” Pretending it isn’t there and slapping platitudes over wounds that are still open is your own inability to process the reality of the depth of human suffering.
So…do not minimize the experiences of those of us in the “ring” fighting for justice and peace while you’re sitting in the cheap seats and passing judgment.
As Brené Brown said “If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.“
Be a champion.
Stand in the corner as one recovers their resilience.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
When you are blessed with brilliance but crippled with insecurity, your intended message does not arrive with its full power, because doubt distorts the delivery.
Arrive with assertiveness…
Rock that confidence!
Inspire innate talents and abilities to emerge.
Brilliance reaches its full expression when confidence leads the way—vibrant, undiluted, and unapologetic.
Rock on!
Love and blessings,
Wendy
While participating in a book study of The Anxious Generation, and in my lived and field experience, I see that the same patterns of seeking constant validation, neediness, comparison, and dependence that present in children often show up in adults…sometimes subtly, sometimes very overtly.
Comparison culture doesn’t dissolve with age…it simply becomes more disguised. In adults, it often masquerades as productivity, sensitivity, or the need to be seen as misunderstood. A notification replaces a gold star; a like becomes reassurance of worth; silence feels like rejection.
Rather than building an internal compass, many adults “outsource” their self-esteem to external affirmation, scanning constantly for signs that they are worthy. When validation is delayed or attention shifts elsewhere, anxiety surfaces…not as curiosity or self-reflection, but as jealousy, control, or emotional dependency. In these moments, adult relationships can begin to mirror childlike dynamics, where one person is unconsciously tasked with soothing another’s unhealed insecurity, mistaking emotional regulation for love.
I have already raised my children.
Being asked to “hold someone until they get over their trigger” is not intimacy. It is emotional labor rooted in arrested development. When another adult expects to be soothed, stabilized, or emotionally regulated by a partner, the relationship quietly shifts from mutual adult connection to child care…
A hard pass...
Healing requires immersion in the inner work…facing unhealed insecurity, developing self-regulation, and learning to sit with discomfort and exploring solutions rather than outsourcing it. Becoming is the embodiment of both self-awareness and social awareness, grounded in healthy, sustainable practices. This inner exploration eventually leads to love that is regulated, reciprocal, and free from the expectation that one person must carry another’s unmet childhood needs.
Some adults say they are “doing the work” simply by sitting in reflection, but without accountability, insight, or consistent action, reflection alone rarely, if ever, produces real change. “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”
The patterns described in The Anxious Generation do not simply disappear as children grow older; in today’s world they often mature into more socially acceptable forms of dependence and comparison…UNACCEPTABLE. In this way, healing “the anxious generation” is not only about protecting children…it is about adults choosing to grow up, take accountability, heal forward, and model the human wholeness that we pray for the next generation to inherit.
Call to Action: Do your own inner healing, set a healthy example of self-awareness and love of self—and of others…and become part of the solution in guiding the trajectory of our young people.
Sat Nam (Truth is my name)
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Ready to dive in?!
You cannot steady a man who refuses to stop rocking the boat.
I remain afloat in the eye—steady and sheltered.
I am exposing the cultural lie that endless diving equals love, loyalty, or virtue.
I choose…
emotional buoyancy, nervous-system safety and spiritual sobriety.
Love,
Wendy
I have written in my book, Write Pray Recover: A Journey to Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care, that “Uncertainty tends to encourage us to stay where we feel safe.”
But when I examine this more closely… am I really safe?
In the quiet of my space, I know exactly what I “should” do. Why don’t I just take action? What is making me feel so restrictive in acting on knowledge that I know is the healthy, forward-thinking choice?
And here it is…
It is the story attached to the action.
Ending a toxic relationship means admitting judgment failure…holding space for it far too long and even returning to it after finding my resolve to exit. Having an honest and difficult conversation means facing my own suppressed truth and the conflict I avoided because conflict feels intolerable and instills a sense of loss—even when that loss is actually a gain to my health, my wellness, my peace, and my freedom.
The timing is never the “right time.” Especially when we’ve framed the relationship as a love story, or the job or career as security…even when that security was never truly safe.
Circumstances rarely change on their own. People do not change simply through conversation…change requires action, implemented consistently and often. It requires the willingness—and sometimes the eagerness—to create change that enhances your life and well-being.
There is a space…a crevice…between knowing and taking action. Simply “holding space” or waiting does not close that gap or change the truth. The only way to securely bridge it is the decision to act despite the restrictive feelings that inhibit a growth mindset…one that is forward-thinking and active.
We can continue to ask, “Am I really safe?” And the truth will either become gradually embodied—or gradually buried beneath inner dialogue and “justification” for inaction.
And regardless of our action…love may always remain…
That pause between knowing and acting is deeply uncomfortable. The uncertainty can be debilitating because it reveals agency in situations where feeling powerless is more comfortable. As unhealthy as this is within a fixed mindset, more often than not, it is the human condition.
As I also write in my book, “Self care is the actions that we take to achieve wellness, and wellness is where we stand in our power.”
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Write Pray Recover 