I have been researching and studying “low engagement responding” aka a way of avoiding deep conversation and connection. This pattern is more often a form of emotional distancing. People who carry unresolved resentment toward a parent or loved one sometimes manage it by limiting emotional contact rather than confronting the feelings directly.
It is important to remember that this silence is about THEIR capacity, not your worth as a parent, person, or family member.
Sometimes family systems can get stuck in old roles. When one person heals, others don’t update the picture of who that person is. They keep relating to the former version. It is very difficult to have a healthy relationship in this space, as you are living in the present while they may still be reacting to the past. And if there are others aligned with where they are, it only causes more emotional distancing and “low engagement responding.” THIS is on THEM.
They may not be capable of forgiveness or resolving their own unhealthy thinking and behaviors, and sometimes they may feel that this is punishment that is still “justified.”
This is their “fixed mindset” versus your “growth mindset.” A “fixed mindset” keeps people stuck in needing to be right.
LIVE. YOUR. LIFE. It can be incredibly painful…sit with that as often as you need to, but do not allow it to define you or to deplete you.
If you have done years of inner work and they cannot relate, or choose not to meet you where you are, that is not your failure—it is their limitation…
Even family may be those people that we must love from a distance, without expectation, without chasing connection that they are unwilling or unable to give.
This is a widely studied topic of today where more and more parents and families are finding younger generations relying on low engagement and emotional distance as a way to navigate unresolved feelings rather than openly communicating.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Write Pray Recover 