When an insect continues to circle your head incessantly, buzzing in your ear, you try to swat it away repeatedly, but unsuccessfully. Eventually, instinct kicks in, and you swat it to the floor.
Remember… when you repeatedly poke me, jab at me, and purposely inflict pain, get ready to be slammed—metaphorically…
Because I don’t get even…
I just write about it.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Pointing the finger is a way of sidestepping your own accountability, where your actions speak of years of deceit and lies. If you put that finger down, you would have to acknowledge the dozens of indiscretions, distortions, and false narratives you’ve presented to others.
Posting the most intimate feelings about a relationship on social media is one of the least endearing things I can imagine a man doing to a woman he claims to love. For years I asked him to talk to me directly. Instead, the pattern remained the same…blah, blah, blah…(yawn…)
When a man feels emasculated…he dodges his own truth in order to avoid accountability.
There has been zero transformation; therefore, there is nothing to reconcile to. The cycle has repeated itself so many times over the years that it has become entirely predictable and, quite frankly, boring. (Another yawn…).
Exaggerating a personal narrative to elicit sympathy from an audience may garner attention, but authenticity requires truth, accountability, and the willingness to communicate directly rather than through a carefully crafted public narrative and attack that is skewed, purposeful, laughable and boring. The “Woe is me” mindset is old.
I finally arrived at the stage of acceptance six months ago…
Acceptance isn’t pretending the hurt never happened. Acceptance is finally recognizing that “nothing changes if nothing changes.”
The veteran actor of whom I speak is known for his chameleonic ability, seamlessly transforming into completely unrecognizable characters with every new relationship…
Take a bow…(Last yawn…)
Love,
Wendy
There comes a time when protecting your peace means walking away from relationships…no matter who the relationship is with…that repeatedly disrespect your boundaries, dismiss your experiences, and refuse to speak with kindness.
Relationships don’t require us to agree on every issue, nor do they require perfection. They should, however, offer a soft place to fall when life hurts…a place where you don’t have to brace yourself after a difficult day, where ridicule isn’t used as a weapon, your past isn’t questioned, and your heart isn’t put on trial.
Boundaries are empowerment.
They speak of self-respect. They promote peace and well-being.
Peace begins with me, and my peace is non-negotiable.
“My hands were steady
My eyes were clear and bright
My walk had purpose
My steps were quick and light
And I held firmly
To what I felt was right.
Like a rock, I see myself again…
Like a rock.” – Bob Seger
Love and blessings,
Wendy
It may look like an obstacle…it may feel like it weighs a ton…and you may not understand it in the moment…
but in my lived experience…it is a divine re-design through a spiritual re-direction to true love, joy, peace and extraordinary experiences that you were looking for in all the wrong places…
Trust the detour. Take the road less traveled with an eager mind and open heart…
It may be the only road that leads you home to yourself.
And please hear me and believe me when I say that one day you’ll stop asking, ‘Why did this happen?’ and you will smile to yourself and quietly whisper , ‘Thank God it did.”
#truestory
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Time has changed everything…
and nothing at all.
Love,
Wendy
The filters cover the wrinkles…the earned character and badges of honor.
They smooth the sagging skin that quietly bears witness to a life fully lived.
Filtering reflects our longing to reclaim youth and outward beauty.
But remember…no lens has ever been invented that can enhance kindness, deepen compassion, or filter the light of a beautiful soul.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Lift people up. Make them feel valued, appreciated, and loved.
When you align yourself with those who target good people because of their own insecurities, biases, or fears, you send a powerful message of disregard toward someone who has done nothing to deserve it.
When you genuinely care about someone, you walk alongside them. You don’t leave them standing alone on the side of the road while you ride along with those who have chosen exclusion over kindness.
Take the road less traveled. It is rare in today’s culture and climate…It is often the harder path, but it is the one that reflects character, courage, and compassion.
Kindness is not simply being nice to someone after the fact; it’s having the courage to stand with them when standing with them might be socially uncomfortable.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Tara Brach tells the story of Marilyn sitting with her dying mother night after night, holding her hand, meditating with her, and telling her she loved her. Most of the time her mother was unconscious. Then, shortly before her death, she opened her eyes and looked directly at her daughter and said:
“All my life I thought something was wrong with me.”
Tara writes that the mother then gently shook her head, as if to say, “What a waste,” closed her eyes, and drifted back into a coma. She died shortly afterward.
That story appears near the beginning of Radical Acceptance as an illustration of what Brach calls the “trance of unworthiness”—the heartbreaking belief that we are fundamentally flawed, deficient, or not enough. Brach uses the story to show how many people carry that burden for an entire lifetime, only realizing near the end that the belief itself was never true.
Reading that passage can hit especially hard when you’re grieving. What moved me isn’t just the sadness of the mother’s realization…it’s the daughter’s presence. Marilyn couldn’t change her mother’s past, but she gave her something precious at the end: love, companionship, and acceptance…
Sometimes that’s the most important gift we can offer another human being. ❤️
This passage went straight to my heart…I spent much of my life believing something was wrong with me but the truth is that I was shaped by circumstances beyond my control as a young child, and the effects followed me well into adulthood. In these past 14 years of my recovery from prescription drug addiction, I have realized that this woman has discovered there was never anything “wrong” with me.
The tragedy in this passage from the book, Radical Acceptance, wasn’t that she was flawed…
The tragedy was that she believed she was.
Unlike the woman in the story, I am not realizing it in the final hours of my life.
I AM realizing it now.
I still have time to challenge that old belief every single time it appears…
I suffered. I made mistakes. I lost things I wish I hadn’t lost. And I spent many years believing those experiences meant I was defective…
I don’t see waste.
I see myself as someone who has fought incredibly hard to stay alive, stay sober, stay loving, and stay open-hearted despite carrying more pain than most people know.
I am a human being who suffered, coped in destructive ways for a time, paid a heavy price, and then spent the past 14 years doing the difficult work of recovery and healing…”becoming.”
The grief I intermittently experience is real because there are losses that can never be fully undone.
But grief is not proof of defectiveness.
Regret is not proof of defectiveness.
Even addiction is not proof of defectiveness.
And today…I do not “waste” another present moment in the past.
I live with purpose, with love, and with great anticipation of experiencing what comes next.
Yes, there is grief behind me…and possibility ahead of me.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Afterthought:
You are never required to become flawless in order to be worthy of love. – Love, Wendy
“That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you…” – Alanis Morrisette
When a relationship has history, a deep-rooted spiritual connection, emotional intimacy, and a bond that neither time nor distance has been able to erase—a love that continues to find its way back to itself—I believe that even where we differ, including in our political views, love can still find its way home.
And when the time comes, we will know what to do.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Being ‘too nice’—something I have learned to curb as I began honoring my own needs and desires first—is often praised, but sometimes it develops as a survival strategy rather than a genuine expression of kindness…a “trauma response.”
Those of us who grew up in environments where love, approval, safety, or acceptance felt conditional may learn to keep the peace by putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own. We may choose to avoid conflict, over-explain, have difficulty saying no, feel responsible for other people’s emotions, or consistently tolerate behavior that violates one’s boundaries.
The difference is that true kindness comes from choice, while people-pleasing often comes from fear—fear of rejection, abandonment, criticism, disappointment, or disapproval.
Kindness says: “I want to help.”
People-pleasing says: “I have to help, or something bad will happen.”
Many people spend years believing they are simply nice when, in reality, they are working tirelessly to earn love, safety, acceptance, and even what they think is peace. But there is nothing peaceful about repeatedly abandoning your own needs, desires, and truth in order to make others comfortable.
The healing often comes when a person realizes they can be compassionate and loving without abandoning themselves in the process…something that took me decades to learn…and finally…master…where self preservation is our greatest self care…
Boundaries and kindness can exist together.
Self care is the actions that we take to achieve wellness…and wellness is where we stand in our power.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
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