“I do feel called to my loving angels and guides, and I believe that when we ask for this relationship, the Universe offers us more love, connection, peace, and joy than we ever dreamed possible. When you remain aligned with the Universe and stay grounded deeply in faith, dreams do come true, and prayers are answered, all in the appropriate timing that the Universe deems “on time.”
When we stay in faith, if this is something that resonates, then just ask for your angels to provide you with information that helps you to navigate in your best interest and highest blessings, and that which will protect you. These will be signs that you will completely understand without any doubt, and they will reveal themselves through information, conversations, music, numbers, readings, and a variety of other modalities. This includes simultaneous synchronicities through text messages, emails, through a conversation between others that we may overhear, and any other way that these beautiful Spirits can get your attention. Ask them for a clear sign that only you would understand as a validation of this Divine relationship and presence, and pay close attention. God/Spirit/Universe speaks to us in the most curious yet direct ways, especially when He has been trying to reach us, to no avail, to save our life.
In 2012, I was using prescription drugs heavily, and had been for quite some time. I was barely able to stay awake, or function in a normal capacity, daily. I had been getting strong intuitive messages that I would die if I kept going at the rate of ingesting 2,000 plus pills a month. I just could not stop. I loved being high. There it is…my truth. I did not have to deal with any of the chaos, the noise in my head, the fear, the shame, the memories, the dysfunction that my then husband and I were going through, or face all of the decades of trauma that I had suppressed that often flashed in front of me, triggering my anxiety, fear, and deeper depression. I had absolutely zero coping skills other than my pills, and self harming behaviors.
I always worried obsessively about how many pills I had left…in my purse, and in the house. I would count them over and over and over again, separating them into piles and then figuring out how many days of pills I would have. My mind was deeply unwell, with my brain now hijacked by the toxic substances that I was ingesting. I was living in a completely altered state of mind which stood as my only reality through my drug induced perception. I would ask myself numerous times an hour, “Should I take a few less today? Should I try to skip a dose and hoard away some of them “just in case?”
“Let me count them again, and while I count, I’ll just pop a couple more pills so that I will feel really calm, and high. Count, and swallow. Count and swallow. Hide them underneath all of my clothes in the back of my drawer. OK, now I need to think up another excuse to tell the “doctor,” (the addiction psychiatrist enabling me for over a decade with more than 2,000 pills a month, now no longer a licensed physician) and the pharmacy as to why I need a refill on the 500-600 Codeine pills they had just filled a week ago, and I need to sound very weak, which in fact, I was from popping way too many pills. My body was “dying,” which was my intention. I did not know how to live, and so in my mind, dying would be my only solution. I had even visited my attorney at the time, and listed every person in my life leaving them my cherished possessions. I was so ready. It became my norm.
The “doctor” and pharmacy always, always, always, gave me whatever I said I needed. I was calm now for the moment until I got down to about half a bottle of pills. Sometimes, even though I didn’t like alcohol, just to enhance the effects of the pills so that I wouldn’t need to take them again too soon to feel high and numb, I would take a shot of Amaretto. Not often, but in truth, I did.
So, one day in the fall of 2012, I drove down to the pharmacy after speaking with the pharmacist on the phone who told me to “come down” and it would be ready. Hurricane Sandy was slated to come through our area, and so I wanted to make sure that I had plenty of pills in case we lost power, or streets were blocked and I couldn’t get to the pharmacy. It was October 29, 2012.
It is said that when God wants to get your attention He taps you on the shoulder. If you do not respond, He then gets close and whispers in your ear. Still no response? He hits you right over the head.
Amen…
The wind driven rain was blowing across the highway as I drove home from only a mile down the road from my home, the wind was howling, and as I turned off of Route 304 and into my driveway, I pushed the button resting in my driver’s side visor to open my garage door from the inside of the car so that I could just pull in and stay dry. The garage opened, I pulled in, closed the garage door using the button that had opened it, walked through the door that goes from the garage into my downstairs family room, and within 3 seconds…1, 2, 3, I heard this loud crash right outside that shook the entire ground and the house. The lights went out. My precious ShiTzu, Max, ran into my arms, and my heart was beating so loudly and fiercely, that I could hear it beating in my ears and felt my chest filling with fright.
Three trees had crashed down to the ground at the top of our driveway taking the telephone poll and wires down with it where I had just come down less than 20 seconds before.
God had indirectly “hit me over the head.” I believe that day, that event was Divinely orchestrated because God had desperately been trying to get my attention for years, to no avail. Those trees and telephone poll and wires were the closest thing He could use to actually “hit me on the head” in order to get my attention. Had I turned into that driveway just a few seconds later, I would have been killed. God/Spirit/Universe took that opportunity to let me know that He meant serious business. Either I get help, or my death would be imminent. I had to ask for help. God/Spirit/Universe only helps those who willingly ask for help. Help is not forced upon us.
I was trapped in the house, with my precious pup, Max. I couldn’t get my car out of the garage. There was no power and I was too weak to open that heavy door on my own. I passed out, as usual, from all of the pills, and slept through until morning. I picked up Max in my arms and stood out on the deck of my backyard and screamed as loud as I could chanting, “Please help me! I am trapped!” There were no neighbors on either side of me, and the closest houses were quite a distance from where I was standing on the deck.
My husband and I were going through a divorce, although it was Alan who I ultimately called with about 5% left on my battery of my phone, and he came to help me, and Max.
I was so unwell and did not have the presence of mind that I needed to ask for help until about 5 months later. But I finally did on April 3, 2013.
God saved my life that stormy October day in more than one way. He prevented me from becoming a near casualty of the storm in order to remind me that He was present and all I needed to do was to ask for help to save my life. It was my awakening moment of clarity.
God/Spirit/Universe spoke to me so clearly that day and I completely understood after that incident what He was saying to me. I just needed time to find the courage to speak my truth, to tell someone that I needed help because I was so unwell and very close to dying, and to tell my family and my children this awful secret that I had been keeping for forty years. Dying to be reborn and to start again.
And as the saying goes, “There before the Grace of God go I.” It is always God’s love and guidance that gives me strength. I know that I am never alone, and that everything that happens, is designed by Him for my highest blessings. My life was saved. Yes, this is my highest blessing where I now have the opportunity, through God/Spirit/Universe’s loving guidance to serve others living with this disease, and not to mention being given the priceless opportunity to create a new and healthy life for myself, to truly live my life joyously, healthy, and productively with a renewed and deeper relationship to Spirit, to create a new legacy for myself, for my precious adult children, and for my granddaughters, and to experience a profound love of self. As the song says, “There can be miracles when you believe.”
So blessed.
Being aware of Divine experiences that are provided for us, placed right on our path to learn a life lesson that is pure Spirit, affords us the opportunity to connect more deeply, to be guided by our loving Universe for our highest blessings, to learn, to grow, to evolve, and to mindfully change the trajectory of our dis-ease and dis-order to wellness. Wellness is where we stand in our power.
Wellness is always offered to us, and it is always our choice to experience wellness, if we are willing to hear and to see beyond our physical limitations as we are led by Spirit.
Just ask. You will always receive.
“Who knows what miracles you can achieve when you believe.
You will when you believe…Just believe.”
Forever…
Amen.
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