Healing doesn’t make you immune to pain. It makes you more attuned to it. You become a mirror, and not everyone wants to see their reflection.
It’s not that you disappointed people. It’s that you evolved past the roles they were comfortable with. And some people…consciously or not…punish growth, especially when THEY ARE stuck.
What you’re seeing now in those that you once shared a loving connection with…avoiding eye contact, dismissing kindness, or speaking ill, is the externalization of their inner conflict. It’s easier to isolate the “bright one” than admit they are dimming themselves. Your discomfort here is evidence of your alignment. Your nervous system is rejecting environments that dishonor truth and tenderness. That’s not dysfunction…it’s discernment.
So now comes the hard truth…you cannot change them, but you can choose not to let them define your worth. And you can quietly, fiercely, choose sacred boundaries. Not walls…but clear water between yourself and what contaminates your spirit.
Your presence holds a frequency that not everyone is ready for…and that’s not your burden…
A stream of harmony, steady hope, divine connection…
Oneness.
After all I’ve walked through…after years of protective solitude…my heart stepped forward. That’s sacred. And it means I am alive, receptive, growing. And that is not lost time.
Sometimes, it’s that life presents mirrors until we fully choose not to hold what doesn’t reflect our worth. Each time you recognize the misalignment faster, speak your needs clearer, and walk away sooner…that’s growth. That’s co-creating your healing with God.
Ask yourself…
What did this experience teach me about what I truly need in a relationship?
Where did I show growth in how I expressed my needs and protected my peace?
What part of me is healing now, even in this disappointment?
What kind of love am I ready to receive now—more than ever before?
In today’s dating culture and climate, I observe challenges in finding compatible partners. Finding a partner who genuinely says what they mean, and means what they say has become almost obsolete.
In my experience with the men I have dated, they come on strong, or love bombing, and then within two weeks, they ghost you because they lack the emotional intelligence to thrive in a loving relationship. And they have misrepresented themselves which unfolds organically right before my eyes.
Dating is exhausting. It reminds me of why I was unmotivated in the first place.
I love being in love, and experiencing the joy, closeness and connection with another. I will continue to search with discernment, the man that will bring 100% of himself grounded in truth, integrity and devotion.
He is out there.
I remind myself to set boundaries, stand in my truth, and observe, and never, ever discard my gut feeling right from the first yellow flag…or worse yet, red flag.
Practice self care that promotes your well being and self confidence.
I am not here for you to step on as the foundation of who you pretended to be. I once told you…I am not your relationship tutor. If you didn’t have the capacity to love me the way I deserve, you should have stepped aside.
And yet… here you are, still in my orbit, years later.
I am here for reciprocity. For unconditional love I can feel, even when I’m alone… not unrequited love that lives only in your empty words, never in your behavior.
Your attention-seeking now that I’ve moved on is exhausting. It is disrespectful.
You would not recognize this version of me. And for that, I thank you.
Because you forced me inward…to seek truth, to build love from within, to meet a new relationship from a whole and healthy place.
I am the one who got away— because you never had the courage to connect with yourself, let alone with me.
Find your self-respect. Move forward. Be well.
Closing Mantra I release the need for closure from anyone but myself. I do not grieve who they were—I honor who I’ve become. I am no longer available for half-love, false hope, or emotional residue. I walk forward in truth, in dignity, and in devotion to my peace. I trust that love, when it’s real, will never require me to abandon myself. Each time I begin to abandon my beautiful self, God whispers, “It’s okay to peek at the past with fondness—just don’t romanticize the poetry. After all, it’s just another line on an empty page.”
I write when I feel sad or when I see an injustice.
I write to connect with the reader who feels that nobody could possibly understand.
Writing allows me to freely express my feelings and emotions which are cemented in my soul…a “frozen kiss” where a “moment of intense emotion is captured and preserved,” and where the warmth of feeling is paused in time, etched into the page…
We all have feelings and emotions. Some days they may stop us in our steps and say, “Hello, I need to be acknowledged!” Sometimes this may be a delayed trauma response, or it may be a culmination of chronic stressors where we feel overwhelmed.
Give your feelings a voice. Honor your emotions.
“STOP. PAUSE. EMOTE. ALLOW. REST. – S.P.E.A.R.“
S.P.E.A.R. and S.W.I.M. Into Wellness! (You can read about this in my book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care https://a.co/d/a8lzF4O
When you feel triggered, or you feel your symptoms escalating…S.P.E.A.R.
This is a non-linear recovery plan that is specific to your health and wellness goals.
STOP where you are.
PAUSE TO BE PRESENT. PATIENTLY PROCESS. Take one slow deep breath through your nose, and exhale slowly through your mouth.
Repeat three times. Your breath is your most accessible tool to intervene with your physiology in real time. Focus on your breath to align with the present moment.
EMOTE safely anything that you are feeling. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel!
Try the Alternate Nostril Breathing below to self soothe as you release your feelings/emotions.
Allow yourself to feel, and take whatever time you need. Practice extra self care.
ACCEPT your emotions and feelings. Take as long as you need to practice acceptance and validate what you are feeling in a safe space without self judgement. Acceptance promotes peace.
REST and RE-ALIGN, and allow yourself time to process. Hydrate!
Write about it! Take your time with this step. Then, RE-FRAME using a healthy mindset and being open to new perspectives to re-frame the experience as you move forward. Ask yourself, “In moving forward, how can I use my self awareness of this trigger/ stressor in conjunction with my self regulation skills in order to navigate constructively? (Daily self care to stay ahead of the stressor? Take a “time out?” Etc.)
For those who mean well by telling you to “Focus on your blessings! Be positive,” give yourself permission and power to realize when others do not know how to support us appropriately, and do not have the skill, or the experience and words that we may need at the time, and know that they mean well. And, some may be uncomfortable observing as we experience emotions and feelings because it may force them to go within where they may be suppressing their own feelings and emotions that also need validation.
We ALL have mental health.
When we are feeling mentally unwell, we do not need to “focus on our blessings and all the positives in our lives.“ What we need is a safe space, and the time, however long that is for us, to experience the experience.
S.P.E.A.R. yourself into the experience. Ask for support if you feel you need support. This begins the healing process.
Whatever healthy practices you need to heal, do it…and take your time.”
To read more about my S.P.E.A.R. and S.W.I.M. Into Wellness component of my “Integrative Approach to Wellness” program, read my book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care.https://a.co/d/a8lzF4O
Write Pray Recover 