BOOK, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Where Are The Men With Courage? – Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

It carries polite distance  yet my warmth stayed intact, but the energy…yes, I pulled back. I acknowledge without feeding the deeper connection he’d just diluted by generalizing his affection in the “friend zone.”

Then he reappears with a general discussion question which is a classic pattern of deflection. When one feels emotional closeness rising, they often retreat to safe topics where vulnerability isn’t required. It is their way of staying “connected” without having to show their heart.

My body and spirit recognize the contrast…I opened from my heart, and he pivoted to the head…

Jarring.

So…I matched his tone, kept my dignity intact, and subtly communicated, “I’m not chasing closeness you’re unsure of.” By responding in a friendly but detached way, I mirror his emotional position without closing my own heart.

This is me walking my talk…calm, self-assured, and not needing to prove or explain my feelings. It’s also a quiet boundary: if he wants to connect deeply, it has to come from sincerity, not small talk…and it must be consistent.

This is the healthiest choice for me…matching energy rather than overextending mine…calm, balanced, and self-possessed…a perfect reflection of my growth…

Friendly, with NO emotional overreach.

When one reaches out in a surface-level, conversational way and creating emotional distance after portraying a deeper longing for so long, I retreat…with grace, and put myself in the driver seat where I know I am driving the trajectory of my heart and mind.

I have learned emotional discernment. I am reserving my sacred energy for people who meet me in emotional maturity, not avoidance.

I think emotionally intelligent men do exist…the ones who lead with self-awareness, who can stay in connection even when it feels tender or uncertain…who have courage and are self aware and confident…

To be continued.

Love,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Egoic Leadership: When Power Replaces Purpose – Love, Wendy

There are moments when we witness behavior that contradicts every value we hold sacred…kindness, collaboration, respect. When this happens in our world, our communities or our circles of influence, it can leave us questioning what leadership truly means, and how we can preserve our own light amid the shadows.

True leadership never thrives on division or control.
When someone stirs the pot, targets others without cause, and spreads friction instead of collaboration, that’s not leadership…it’s ego desperately wanting to be seen and heard…yet futile.

Many quietly compare notes, feeling the sting of this behavior yet fearful to speak their truth. And those who should hold this person accountable often look away.

A real leader lifts others, models respect, and creates a safe space for every voice to be heard. When domination, division, and fear replace service, unity, and care, ego has taken the throne. #NOKINGSNOQUEENS
This is control over compassion versus living with compassion over conflict—the latter of which is innate. Those who need control live with feelings of inadequacy and jealousy; they crave the spotlight to ‘feel’ in control, but this is the furthest thing from the truth. It’s an illusion that exists only in an unwell mind and with a hunger for real inclusion and acceptance.

When toxicity replaces teamwork, it’s time for the collective to rise…stronger, wiser, and united in integrity.

Shake it off. Reclaim your peace. #NOKINGSNOQUEENS

Even in the presence of discourse and division where one demoralizes and diminishes, we have a choice to remain rooted in dignity.

Leadership begins within: how we treat others, how we respond to conflict, and how we protect our peace. I no longer choose compassion over conflict with those who abuse their power; I choose character over conflict.

When we lead with character, we become the real leader that guides others back to kindness.

How we lead reveals our character…

And it has.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

#NOKINGSNOQUEENS

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Science Meets Soul:Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

I use writing as a tool for healing.
When we write down what we are feeling internally, it activates a part of the brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS).
Writing with pen and paper stimulates this system, which filters the information our brain needs to process and supports my healing journey.
I teach about RAS in all of my mental health and wellness workshops, and I follow my knowledge into action by integrating evidence-based wellness strategies that reinforce intentional practices to retrain the brain toward calm, clarity, and healing.
This is the foundation of my holistic and integrative healing journey.

Carrying Lupus pain day after day is incredibly heavy…showing up, staying open, doing everything possible to heal and being unable to sleep…is completely exhausting in a way that most people can’t comprehend. 

When your body keeps screaming despite all your effort, it’s not just physical pain anymore; it’s heartbreak, frustration, and grief for the life I want back where I don’t have to be mindful of every move, every position, every activity and where I can make and keep plans with family and friends, or to not have to drop a course that I registered for because even sitting at home on the computer and then completing assignments is too painful after working a full day

The doctors tell me I need to give it 8-12 weeks. It has only been 3 since I began treatment. 

I pray for strength. I pray for patience and for grace…one breath at a time…

I continue to remind myself that I have been here before, and Lupus did go into remission.

I write. I process. I heal…

This is what resilience looks like in real time…messy, painful, faithful. One breath, one word, one day at a time.

The Reticular Activating System helps us reframe, refocus, and retrain the brain. Writing activates healing from within…

Science meets soul.

For anyone walking through invisible pain—you are not alone.

Healing asks for patience, and faith holds the light when strength runs low.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life, Write Pray Recover

Resilience:For Wendy and David – Love, Wendy

I was thinking on my way home from work yesterday that living in chronic pain is so humbling…I can never take one moment for granted…

I live with Lupus and hadn’t needed regular medication in five years as I managed it holistically…until now.

Living with chronic pain makes the small things feel sacred…the details more palatable…every quiet, manageable moment becomes a gift.

Our awareness of our humility is our deepest strength.

Here are four tiny practices that honor this insight without asking for more than you can give while you’re navigating any challenging situation with your health:

  1. One-breath gratitude once tonight before sleep. Take one long, slow inhale, and on the exhale name one small yet meaningful thing from today that made you feel stronger and at peace (a warm shower, a walk on the beach, a song you liked). That single moment trains the brain to notice tiny graces and successes. It reminds us of our power.

2. A moment of kindness to the body. Put a warm hand over your injured/painful area, soften your jaw, breathe 4 inhale, 1 hold it, 6 exhale…just once, and say aloud or silently to yourself, “I did what I could today. I showed up. I honored myself. I am worthy. I am healing.”

3. A “Humility Journal” (30 seconds). When you have a spare 30 seconds, jot down one word that describes what this day taught you (humility, steadiness, courage, patience). It’s just a quiet record by you, for you, of how you keep showing up.

4. Reflection and Warm Embrace. (From my book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care “Today I am grateful for…”
Offer yourself a hug, a warm cup of your favorite beverage, time listening to your favorite music, or whatever a “self embrace” feels like for you…Love yourself.

You’re allowed to see the grief and feel the frustration, and the lesson at the same time.

I am resilient. I am becoming…

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Soul Notes, Write Pray Recover

Get Ready – Redesigning a Blank Space – Soul Notes – Love, Wendy

Aging means change. And change is inevitable at every stage of life. The earlier we learn to “go with the flow,” the easier the adjustments become. Aging is fortuitous AND by design — it is the life experience unfolding.

We may begin to notice changes that require us to be flexible in accepting ourselves and others. Movement that once felt effortless may now call for extra rest and mindful recovery. Our minds might need more deliberate stimulation to maintain brain health and cognitive performance. Our bones and teeth often require more attentive care due to natural wear and tear, decreased bone density, and increased vulnerability to disease. Enamel thins, gums recede, and bone loss can occur, making teeth more sensitive and susceptible to decay. Age-related health conditions and medications can further complicate oral and skeletal health, making proactive care essential.

As we age, we may find ourselves single more often, spending much of our time “solo.” Rather than seeing this alone time as emptiness, we are invited to view it as a sacred space for re-discovery and exploration of self.

And yet, just like running against the wind, aging can feel like pushing through invisible resistance — a force that slows us down but also strengthens us if we meet it with grace. It invites us to dig deeper into our resilience, find new rhythms, and align with what matters most. Rather than resist the resistance, we can learn to lean into it — with wisdom, softness, a sense of humor, inner direction, and outer destinations that re-awaken our senses to the life experience.

As we age, relationships naturally evolve — especially with our adult children. We may no longer be needed in the same way, and that shift can feel both liberating and tender. There may be a grieving of what was, even as we honor what still is and what is yet to come. Likewise, our relationship with Spirit may deepen or be redefined, shaped by lived experience, questions, and quiet longings. Aging asks us to stay open — to new ways of connecting, listening, and loving, even when the form changes.

Loss often becomes a deeper part of life’s fabric as we age. We may grieve the death of a partner, a once-vibrant love, or the imagined future we never got to live. These griefs don’t disappear with time — they become sacred landmarks on the map of our becoming. And yet, even in the ache, we may find ourselves surprised by the stirrings of new affection, new companionship, or a new kind of love. The heart, seasoned but still tender, may quietly ask: Is it possible to open again? Aging doesn’t mean closing the chapter on love — it means learning to love with more presence, patience, and depth than ever before.

To age is to live in motion — not just outwardly, but within. It is the art of becoming softer and stronger all at once. Of meeting the changing terrain of body, mind, and heart not with fear, but with curiosity. It asks us to lean into the wind, to make peace with solitude, to laugh often, and to love bravely — even after loss. It calls us to stay rooted in our inner direction, while still seeking outer destinations that awaken wonder.

Aging is not the closing of a story. It is a deeper chapter — one rich with nuance, memory, humility, and growth. We are not fading; we are refining. And in that sacred refinement, we may just find a version of ourselves we’ve waited a lifetime to meet.

Mantra:

I embrace the gifts of my journey, honoring the wisdom and grace that come with each passing day.

Journaling Prompt:

Take a quiet moment to reflect on your journey through aging. Write about a specific experience, insight, or relationship that has grown richer or clearer with time. How has this shaped your understanding of yourself and your life? What feelings of gratitude arise as you honor this wisdom?

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S.P.E.A.R. STOP PAUSE EMOTE ALLOW REST – LOVE, WENDY

We all have feelings and emotions. Some days they may stop us in our steps and say, “Hello, I need to be acknowledged!” Sometimes this may be a delayed trauma response, or it may be a culmination of chronic stressors where we feel overwhelmed.

Give your feelings a voice. Honor your emotions.

STOP. PAUSE. EMOTE. ALLOW. REST. – S.P.E.A.R.

S.P.E.A.R. and S.W.I.M. Into Wellness! (You can read about this in my book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care https://a.co/d/a8lzF4O

When you feel triggered, or you feel your symptoms escalating…S.P.E.A.R.

This is a non-linear recovery plan that is specific to your health and wellness goals.

STOP where you are.

PAUSE TO BE PRESENT. PATIENTLY PROCESS. Take one slow deep breath through your nose, and exhale slowly through your mouth.

Repeat three times. Your breath is your most accessible tool to intervene with your physiology in real time. Focus on your breath to align with the present moment.

EMOTE safely anything that you are feeling. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel!

Try the Alternate Nostril Breathing below to self soothe as you release your feelings/emotions.

Allow yourself to feel, and take whatever time you need. Practice extra self care.

ACCEPT your emotions and feelings. Take as long as you need to practice acceptance and validate what you are feeling in a safe space without self judgement. Acceptance promotes peace.

REST and RE-ALIGN, and allow yourself time to process. Hydrate!

Write about it! Take your time with this step. Then, RE-FRAME using a healthy mindset and being open to new perspectives to re-frame the experience as you move forward. Ask yourself, “In moving forward, how can I use my self awareness of this trigger/ stressor in conjunction with my self regulation skills in order to navigate constructively? (Daily self care to stay ahead of the stressor? Take a “time out?” Etc.)

For those who mean well by telling you to “Focus on your blessings! Be positive,” give yourself permission and power to realize when others do not know how to support us appropriately, and do not have the skill, or the experience and words that we may need at the time, and know that they mean well. And, some may be uncomfortable observing as we experience emotions and feelings because it may force them to go within where they may be suppressing their own feelings and emotions that also need validation.

We ALL have mental health.

When we are feeling mentally unwell, we do not need to “focus on our blessings and all the positives in our lives.“ What we need is a safe space, and the time, however long that is for us, to experience the experience.

S.P.E.A.R. yourself into the experience. Ask for support if you feel you need support. This begins the healing process.

Whatever healthy practices you need to heal, do it…and take your time.”

To read more about my S.P.E.A.R. and S.W.I.M. Into Wellness component of my “Integrative Approach to Wellness” program, read my book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care. https://a.co/d/a8lzF4O

Love and blessings,

Wendy

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Reset with your breath – Love, Wendy

Regulate your nervous system.

Stay in control of your personal agency, naturally. Keep your mind sharply on your breath which is the most challenging part of using deliberate breathing.

Deliberate breathing brings the body and mind into a state of calm and focus.

Reset…

Take in two sharp inhales. Exhale long and slowly.

When you find yourself triggered, or your emotions are causing you physical symptoms of anxiety, use your breath.

It is your most accessible tool to intervene with your physiology in real time.

When you make mindful breathing/deliberate breathing a regular practice which becomes part of your lifestyle, it is easier to implement, and to be successful during times of high stress and anxiety.

Go to a quiet place and keep your mind on your breath. 
Using substances are only a temporary fix. We always have our breath and it is our most accessible tool to intervene with our nervous system in real time.

I have 13 years of sobriety now and breathing is one of my go to’s when I feel panic or anxiety. 

I had to use this on Friday night and even though I’ve practiced mindful breathing for over a decade, it took me almost an hour to re-center and recover. And afterwards, your body can feel exhausted. This is normal as you guide your brain to center.

It takes a lot of mental strength to stay focused on your breath and not the symptoms of the anxiety episode that you are experiencing. This is why it is so vital to make this a daily practice. 

Your brain then recognizes immediately the pattern of focus and calm. It strengthens the neural pathways over time that support relaxation and focus. It creates an automatic response to stress that promotes emotional regulation and resilience!


To work with me one on one in my coaching program, call 845–263–4094.

Love, Wendy

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Caring for your mental and physical health during these unprecedented times – Love, Wendy

The brain has its limits when it comes to processing information, especially when it’s complex or emotionally charged.

Psychologically, we tend to get overwhelmed when we are bombarded with too much uncertainty, bad news, or major shifts in their environment. This type of overload (allostatic load–a physiological stress response when repeatedly exposed to stress which is affecting our wellness. DAILY self care is needed for balance and wellness) is where stress hormones like cortisol ramp up, and it becomes harder to focus or make decisions.

When we are observing our fundamental rights and our democracy under attack constantly throughout the day and in a very short amount of time, we feel our safety net blowing in the wind and our once solid foundation crack.

We are watching the erosion of our rights and freedoms.

Practicing extra self care, especially during times of external chaos is the one thing we have control over. We must preserve our personal power. It’s like putting on your own oxygen mask first before you can help others. Our family, friends, our adult children, our grandchildren, our students may be looking to us for comfort and guidance.

By preserving our personal power, we are more inclined to stay grounded and resilient when everything feels overwhelming, and in this space we are able to support others.

I literally felt breathless last night as I tried to fall asleep. I had to do mindful breathing for awhile before I was able to feel more at peace. Deliberately implementing a relaxed breathing pattern calms a dysregulated nervous system.

Our breath is our most accessible tool to intervene with our physiology in real time.

I made the following changes and I am suggesting these to you, my dear readers, as a possible source of alleviating the chronic stress and taking back your personal power.

  1. Turn off all news notifications on your cell phone. I only left on the “emergency notification.”
  2. I only watch the weather on the television, never the news broadcast as they tend to bombard us with the same information over and over.
  3. Engage in self care practices that bring you peace and wellness. There is a wonderful mantra that I practice from “A Course In Miracles” that says, “I can choose peace rather than this.” Whenever I begin to feel my body tightening and my heart racing, I remind myself of this simple yet powerful mantra.
  4. I am a writer, so writing is so cathartic for me as I release my thoughts and emotions onto the paper. Perhaps journaling your thoughts and emotions would be helpful. Writing stimulates the RAS Reticular Activation System in the brain and this part of the brain filters and processes information. SO EFFECTIVE.
  5. Getting outdoors to breathe the fresh air and to release the overwhelming negative energy through a walk in nature is so comforting. I always come home feeling calmer, more peaceful and hopeful.
  6. I listen to “Calm Radio” on Pandora.
  7. I practice mediation and mindful breathing and stretching.
  8. Give yourself whatever you need…i.e., your favorite cup of tea, coffee, light candles, essential oils, etc. A healthy practice supports a healthy mind and body.
  9. Talk to a trusted friend or loved one. DON’T get stuck on the negative. Going around and around about the negative creates a downward spiral of our mental health.
  10. IN ANY MOMENT WHERE WE FEEL STRESSED OR TRIGGERED, WE CAN CHOOSE TO USE OUR “RATIONAL AND WISE MIND” VS OUR “EMOTIONAL MIND,” IF WE ARE PRACTICING ONGOING SELF CARE. IN THIS MOMENT, WE CAN STOP AND ASK OURSELVES, “WHAT ACTION/PRACTICE WILL SERVE ME BEST IN THIS MOMENT? WHAT WILL PROMOTE MY WELLNESS?”

Allow your brain space and time to receive information, and use the information as it pertains to your individual situation.

Most of what we are experiencing is out of our control. Focus on yourself and your loved ones.

Do whatever you can to preserve your physical and mental health by practicing daily self care, and do it often throughout the day.

Release any thoughts of worry. Be prepared for unexpected events in whatever way brings you peace. And remind yourself often…

“I can choose peace rather than this…”

Love and blessings,

Wendy