Sometimes the person who flees the fire is blamed for the fire’s destruction.
But that does not make them the arsonist….
They were simply the one who pulled the alarm to save themselves from burning to the ground, while those around them had spent decades fanning the flames and ultimately chose their own slow, figurative death.
In the future, I stand protected by a firewall of discernment…one built from truth, boundaries, and self-worth.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
I know that I speak to many of you when I say that the holidays may bring up sadness and even grief that we have surpressed…
we miss a loved one…
we find ourselves longing for the life we once lived…
we may be spending the holidays alone for the first time…
Holidays amplify every tender place, especially when family fractures, losses, warm memories, and old joys coexist with the life you have today.
It is normal and even healthy to express grief and gratitude simultaneously. These are authentic emotions that can be felt, processed, and experienced together.
The grief reminds us of all of the love we were blessed to experience as we convey gratitude for the memories, and even for the new experiences and traditions that we have built around those memories in our new normal possibly on our own, and possibly with new additions to our inner circle.
All of us are doing our best to navigate the holidays with open hearts, remembering that love…is never lost.
Wishing you a heartfelt, peaceful and joyous holiday season.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Name calling is a lack of expressive vocabulary fueled by anger, jealousy, and self-hatred.
Use your words with kindness and respect.
Learn discernment.
Learn the difference between conscious communication and reactive projection.
That’s when your message is heard and understood.
Master your emotional regulation skills and display some humility…
Otherwise, you appear devoid of self and social awareness and integrity…and your words fall upon deaf ears, leaving no lasting impression and highlighting your reactive chaos and absence of accountability.
Love and blessings!
Wendy
Recently, I passed through my beloved hometown where I once lived with my ex-husband and children. Driving through those streets where my whole heart once lived wasn’t just a trip home…it was a pilgrimage through the layers of my life.
Every corner holds echoes of love, family, laughter, and loss. I ached, I sobbed, and I reflected as I touched sacred ground…my own history…and my body responded with the only truth it knows: grief still lives here.
It’s been thirteen years…yet thirteen years or a lifetime…grief doesn’t measure time. It measures love. And I loved deeply…my children, my home, even the life that no longer fits.
When we revisit those memories, our nervous system relives them too. Research shows that this kind of emotional flood can trigger a Lupus flare. The immune system listens to the heart more than most people realize.
I believe my body was literally trying to expel what’s too heavy to carry anymore. With this soul-deep visit to my hometown, layered atop everyday stressors, I reached my limit.
After you’ve carried so much strength for so long…this was my body finally saying, “I can put it down for a while.”
So today, I implemented a pause point…no analyzing, no pushing through…just allowing the waves to move as I reminded myself:
“My tears are cathartic. My rest is recovery. My peace is returning.”
I remind myself, as I so often remind my children, friends, and clients:
“You are allowed to feel what you feel for as long as you feel it. There are no time constraints. Just don’t stay there for too long by yourself.”
Ask someone to keep you company as you pause, as you process, and as you find your way back to the present…
Love and blessings,
Wendy
I use writing as a tool for healing.
When we write down what we are feeling internally, it activates a part of the brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS).
Writing with pen and paper stimulates this system, which filters the information our brain needs to process and supports my healing journey.
I teach about RAS in all of my mental health and wellness workshops, and I follow my knowledge into action by integrating evidence-based wellness strategies that reinforce intentional practices to retrain the brain toward calm, clarity, and healing.
This is the foundation of my holistic and integrative healing journey.
Carrying Lupus pain day after day is incredibly heavy…showing up, staying open, doing everything possible to heal and being unable to sleep…is completely exhausting in a way that most people can’t comprehend.
When your body keeps screaming despite all your effort, it’s not just physical pain anymore; it’s heartbreak, frustration, and grief for the life I want back where I don’t have to be mindful of every move, every position, every activity and where I can make and keep plans with family and friends, or to not have to drop a course that I registered for because even sitting at home on the computer and then completing assignments is too painful after working a full day.
The doctors tell me I need to give it 8-12 weeks. It has only been 3 since I began treatment.
I pray for strength. I pray for patience and for grace…one breath at a time…
I continue to remind myself that I have been here before, and Lupus did go into remission.
I write. I process. I heal…
This is what resilience looks like in real time…messy, painful, faithful. One breath, one word, one day at a time.
The Reticular Activating System helps us reframe, refocus, and retrain the brain. Writing activates healing from within…
Science meets soul.
For anyone walking through invisible pain—you are not alone.
Healing asks for patience, and faith holds the light when strength runs low.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
As so many people are finding it challenging to navigate our current culture and climate due to our liberties and freedom being snatched, daily, I have created some easy to use, daily reminders, to keep us focused on our health, wellness and peace using our own personal agency and autonomy through constructive action…because we absolutely have choices…and because “Fear Is A Liar…”
Each morning, I will allow myself 30 minutes to validate how I am feeling, to practice radical acceptance of world events, and to grieve the loss I feel of all that has been stripped of my freedom.
I will then leave it there on the shelf until the next morning, and continue about my day with conviction and purpose in obtaining my goals…unapologetically!
Never at night before bed. Before bed, I will remind myself that my fear is spewing a narrative based on that day’s events and my worst fear of demise, without fact.
Every day, I will remind myself to protect my peace and wellness so that I will be in full health physically and mentally in order to live, laugh, love and learn, and that positive change is inevitable.
I will remind myself that I have no power over helping others in this crisis. I will focus solely on my own well-being and send loving thoughts to anyone else struggling. When my wellness cup is full, I am able and willing to support others. I will not cause myself emotional or physical bankruptcy where I will deplete my necessary innate resources that I need to reach my goals, to live my best life in these challenging times, and so that I may invest in my future, and in the future of my loved ones.
I will use my breath to regulate my emotions, and remind myself that I can always choose peace rather than my catastrophic thoughts. (Breathe in deeply 4, hold for 2, exhale 6.)
Each day, I will choose a word of the day that describes my victories to remind myself of my strong will and mindset.
Lastly, I remind myself that I can always call a trusted friend or loved one for support, and that I am loved by the Universe who is dedicated to helping me to achieve my goals. I will listen for spiritual guidance and ask for spiritual support whenever I need a loving reminder that all is well.
I am never alone. ❤️
Use one or all of the above as a personal mantra to connect to your inner strength and balance.
In these troubling and uncertain times, I am sending my love, hugs and support for your well being…body, mind and spirit.
Take care of yourself. Never give away your power by depleting your mental and physical strength to circumstances beyond what you can control.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Being loud on social media is only about controlling the narrative and hoping the intended person sees it.
It’s about control.
Remember loud is trying to provoke a response.
Silence IS a response.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Chasing to be chosen is a trauma response.
Your nervous system is running on an old program where you thought you had to earn someone’s love. You’re confusing inconsistency with connection. Sometimes, people idealize the other person or the potential of the relationship, overlooking the red flags of inconsistency.
“In some cases, inconsistent behavior can be a form of manipulation, where one person is keeping the other “on their toes” to maintain power and control.”
Take back your power. YOU are worthy in every moment without anyone else’s validation.
Familiar doesn’t mean healthy. It may feel like home when you haven’t felt anything different in relationships, including with your caregivers as a child. If it felt like chaos and dysfunction, that’s what “home“ feels like to you… this is your comfort zone…where you feel safe.
So when they pull away, it feels like you are “homeless.” And when they come back, even if it’s for a second, your “home” is actually a dopamine rush that settles your mind and nervous system only for a minute until they disappear..again…and they will.
It’s an addictive cycle of chaos…of control…certainly not love.
Set healthy boundaries to protect your overall wellness. You are not responsible for their inconsistent, dysfunctional behavior.
A true connection is built on mutual respect, consistency and an eagerness to support the other person in fulfilling their needs and enhancing their well being…reciprocity…not causing them constant confusion and dysregulation of their nervous system.
Rather than romanticizing, or excusing their behavior, create a grounding anchor mantra where you speak the truth of their harmful behavior. This is your boundary and clarity statement — it keeps harmful energy out.
Your brain can’t hold both “he loves me” and “his behavior is harmful to my well being” in focus without blurring them. This separates them so you stop merging them into one person.
The minute you begin to replace the romanticizing with the TRUTH of their inconsistent and harmful behavior, you guide your brain back to the truth of the “relationship.”
Suggested Mantra: The man I loved exists only in moments. The man I must protect myself from is the one who always returns.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
No matter how much goodness we build or beauty we experience, past trauma doesn’t simply disappear. It remains—a quiet imprint, a reminder. But our trauma is not meant to define us. It is meant to be recognized, validated, and integrated.
In this sacred space of healing, it becomes not a weight we carry, but a tool we can use to make wiser, more compassionate choices as we move forward.
We can live with caution born of wisdom, not fear born of pain.
Allow yourself to accept your traumatic experience and allow it to become a tool as you move forward. We have a choice to live again while simultaneously acknowledging our experience.
Ask yourself,
“What trauma have you allowed to bleed (no pun intended) into a new relationship or situation that has tainted the outcome? What tools can you apply in order to stop the bleeding and to heal?”
Mantra: “I acknowledge my experience of trauma, and I still choose to live, love, laugh, and learn.”
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Where has the desire for disconnection come from?
What has happened to the warmth of the human condition I once knew?
I’m observing more and more people who seem to want connection—but only on their terms, and only when it suits them.
Many seem content with surface-level interactions: “How do you do? What do you do? I’m going to be busy for a while…”
Or they re-direct every conversation back to themselves, too absorbed to truly see or hear the other.
But true connection is a deliberate act.
It is the desire to be witnessed—and to witness.
To care for—and to be cared for.
To love—and to be loved…consistently.
Connection is a commitment.
It lives in mutual understanding, in the willingness to meet one another’s needs.
It is the sacred act of showing up—with selfless devotion and quiet persistence.
It binds one heart to another without pause.
Disconnection, too, is a choice.
It is the quiet closing of a door.
A pulling away before something meaningful can take “heart”.
A deliberate retreat from the vulnerability that connection requires.
Ask yourself, “What am I feeling physically—and fearing emotionally—when I get too close?”
Mantra: I choose connection over fear.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
(This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, Soul Notes) Copyright © 2025 Wendy Blanchard/Soul Notes
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