It took me years…and countless tears…to understand this.
We all inherit behaviors, coping mechanisms, and stories. But at some point, we become the authors of our own patterns. We are given opportunities to look inward, to break cycles, to choose differently.
And when we don’t… that, too, is a choice.
It’s heartbreaking to watch people we love remain in loops of toxicity, to see them refuse the mirror, to deny the healing that could change everything. But I’ve learned that detachment doesn’t mean indifference…It means no longer abandoning myself to save someone who isn’t choosing to be saved.
I hold compassion from afar. I grieve. I release. And I continue choosing new patterns…ones that honor my growth, my peace, and my truth.
Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is step back and allow someone their own path, even when it’s shadowed with pain or resistance to growth.
Sometimes, the Universe keeps putting people on our path not to show us what we lack, but to reveal how much we’ve grown. I am being called to refine my discernment—to notice, even sooner, who is capable of meeting me fully, and who is still orbiting their own unhealed places. It is empowering…I am no longer chasing love. I am curating my inner circle with care.
The Universe shows me over and over, that the love I am seeking will have to match the depth, the softness, and the strength which I have cultivated in myself. When we raise the bar, the right people rise to meet us there. We strive for absolute balance as we aim to reach the bar on each glorious day.
With clear eyes, I’m learning to stay open to love…even in the face of uncertainty.
We all have feelings and emotions. Some days they may stop us in our steps and say, “Hello, I need to be acknowledged!” Sometimes this may be a delayed trauma response, or it may be a culmination of chronic stressors where we feel overwhelmed.
Give your feelings a voice. Honor your emotions.
“STOP. PAUSE. EMOTE. ALLOW. REST. – S.P.E.A.R.“
S.P.E.A.R. and S.W.I.M. Into Wellness! (You can read about this in my book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care https://a.co/d/a8lzF4O
When you feel triggered, or you feel your symptoms escalating…S.P.E.A.R.
This is a non-linear recovery plan that is specific to your health and wellness goals.
STOP where you are.
PAUSE TO BE PRESENT. PATIENTLY PROCESS. Take one slow deep breath through your nose, and exhale slowly through your mouth.
Repeat three times. Your breath is your most accessible tool to intervene with your physiology in real time. Focus on your breath to align with the present moment.
EMOTE safely anything that you are feeling. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel!
Try the Alternate Nostril Breathing below to self soothe as you release your feelings/emotions.
Allow yourself to feel, and take whatever time you need. Practice extra self care.
ACCEPT your emotions and feelings. Take as long as you need to practice acceptance and validate what you are feeling in a safe space without self judgement. Acceptance promotes peace.
REST and RE-ALIGN, and allow yourself time to process. Hydrate!
Write about it! Take your time with this step. Then, RE-FRAME using a healthy mindset and being open to new perspectives to re-frame the experience as you move forward. Ask yourself, “In moving forward, how can I use my self awareness of this trigger/ stressor in conjunction with my self regulation skills in order to navigate constructively? (Daily self care to stay ahead of the stressor? Take a “time out?” Etc.)
For those who mean well by telling you to “Focus on your blessings! Be positive,” give yourself permission and power to realize when others do not know how to support us appropriately, and do not have the skill, or the experience and words that we may need at the time, and know that they mean well. And, some may be uncomfortable observing as we experience emotions and feelings because it may force them to go within where they may be suppressing their own feelings and emotions that also need validation.
We ALL have mental health.
When we are feeling mentally unwell, we do not need to “focus on our blessings and all the positives in our lives.“ What we need is a safe space, and the time, however long that is for us, to experience the experience.
S.P.E.A.R. yourself into the experience. Ask for support if you feel you need support. This begins the healing process.
Whatever healthy practices you need to heal, do it…and take your time.”
To read more about my S.P.E.A.R. and S.W.I.M. Into Wellness component of my “Integrative Approach to Wellness” program, read my book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care.https://a.co/d/a8lzF4O
I observe the ones who stop and squeeze my hand and offer words of comfort.
I receive the calls and texts ongoing with kind words and prayers…
And I feel comforted.
And then I observe the ones that look at me, smile, and keep right on walking without a word. I observe others who do not call or text unless it is for their own personal gain.
And I feel sorry for them…as they lack empathy.
When we “feel empathy,” we are connected. When we cannot offer even one word of comfort in a crisis…there is a disconnect between our hearts and our presence.
Stay connected. Be present. Comfort one who is experiencing pain. Offer your time and a brief reprieve.
Herein lies empathy that may change the trajectory of one’s day.
As a spiritual student and teacher, I have learned that once I release any expectations, and I trust in my spiritual connection, I experience the experiences I have dreamed about.
These spiritual experiences have been awe inspiring and captivating.
I choose to allow Spirit to lead me to, and through the magnificence of these spiritually aligned experiences.
Through inner introspection and an open heart…I hear “the calling.”
Addiction is a brain disorder that can slowly kill one who lives with this fatal disease. Addiction is a mental health disorder.
Recovery is the solution that can restore your mind, rebuild your life, and offer a path to lasting healing and hope when you commit yourself to wellness through specific self care strategies.
Self care is the actions that we take to achieve wellness, and wellness is where we stand in our power.
I’m about to celebrate 13 years of living in wellness in recovery from substanceuse disorder. It’s a lot of hard work and certainly the journey has many winding roads and ups and downs. I was one of the lucky ones to have found recovery through a holistic approach and became a holistic coach and practitioner to serve others. Most recently, I decided to listen to my voice within to do even deeper inner work that has been so necessary for quite some time in order to enhance my life/recovery.
Feelings of severe anxiety, guilt, anger, and deep sadness have plagued me for some time so I thought I would attend SMART RECOVERY meetings (something I rejected in the past) and work the steps of this recovery community.
It is never too late to add tools to your recovery plan and in fact, I am finding that this is what I have needed for so long. I no longer feel so alone, and I feel like I am doing constructive work to become an even better version of myself for myself and for my family and friends.
And no doubt, I will be able to share this experience along with all of my holistic practices with my clients and even our community.
I felt the universe guiding me towards this for quite some time.
Listen to your voice within. Inherently, we know what we need for healing.
The little girl in this picture experienced severe trauma & neglect at a very young age into middle age, ongoing. It is a miracle that I have grown into a new woman in adulthood at all, alive and well, and still open to learning, growing and evolving.
I have humbled myself in order to understand new perspectives because I want to be the example for my children and grandchildren that no matter what you experience in your life, it is always a choice to turn it around. To LIVE. To be well and happy. To love and to be loved.
We can recover. We do recover. It is a lifelong commitment.
Write Pray Recover 