Category: BOOK

BOOK

We have got to do better – Love, Wendy

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We’ve got to do better.

We’ve got to take notice of those we engage with, but really stop to ask, “How are you doing?” And it is NOT okay to allow someone else to walk into the conversation and begin a new conversation in the middle of a “check in.” And when we ask another how they are doing, we must be ready and willing to hear an authentic response. If you are just giving a nod of “I see you standing there, how are you?” and you don’t want to actually hear a response, just say “good morning,” and keep moving. Seriously.

We’ve got to do better.

I encounter this daily. Jarring. And if one allows this interruption of a “check in,” especially when they are aware of another’s circumstances, cross them off of your list as a “caring friend/acquaintance/colleague.” If they never ask, “How are you?” in the midst of a challenging time, it speaks volumes about them and their capacity to comfort and to support others. Yet, I witness these same people “vomiting” out all of their woes and expecting one’s undivided attention.

We’ve got to do better.

When I observe others who claim friendship, I assess if that definition aligns with what I believe friendship to be, and what I need in a friend. Reciprocity. Consistency. Empathy. Kindness. “Time sensitive.” Joy. Love. Willing to share.

Giving of one’s time with eye contact, and a touch on the hand or hug can make one’s day. It costs us nothing, but if we feel the price is too high and we are too “busy” in our own head and circumstances, and there is no follow up, you are not a friend.

Friendship is linear. It doesn’t come in waves and only on the upswing.

We’ve got to do better.

And even when we see a stranger pass us by on our daily walk looking down at the ground very obviously in pain, we need to offer a smile. Oh, the smile is so contagious. It has helped me on a number of occasions. And I always reciprocate all that I am given. And give to one in pain when they cannot offer us anything. It is a basic need of the human condition. If you’ve got it, give it away.

One who professes to love us does not allow months to go by without checking in. You cannot “offer a good deed…one and done,” and then fly off of the radar for no apparent reason. We see you living your best life, and yet, not one minute to send a text or an hour to visit to do a friends “check-in.” It negates the “one and done “Good deed.” 

Good deed? Not so much. Not from a place of love. This is from a place of “let me boast all over social media what I am doing (one and done) to further fuel my ego. But those of us on the “receiving end” of that “deed” sit awestruck and dumbfounded at one’s need to “be loved and recognized” as a hero.

Not so much. Ego. Ego. Ego.

We’ve got to do better.

So starting today, let us do better. Either engage with meaning, purpose, and friendship, or simply walk on by. It can be an insult to one’s intelligence and feelings to enter into a “drive-by” friendship. Stay in your own lane, or join me on the journey.

We have GOT to do better.

Love,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life

I heard Him speak today – Love, Wendy

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I cry out that I have nothing left

And I hear you whisper over the moon.

Hold on, dear one, hold on to me

It will all make sense very soon.

You and I are always together

Even when you can’t see through the darkest hour

I am guiding you and protecting you

Always with the intention to empower

You.

In the midst of darkness when you cannot see

The reasons will be known

Pray as you do, have faith as you do,

The purpose will be shown.

Recall our journey of my faithfulness

I see that you are tired and meek

But recall our initial conversation

When I told you this journey is not for the weak.

You told me you’d follow any path

I would lay down at your feet

You are almost home, dear one

This assignment is near complete.

These lessons will be your living will

For those lost in despair

A hymn of peace for all humankind

Through your example and through prayer.

I sang to you “Look up, Child”

And you rejoiced at this sign from Me

And I am always just a prayer away

With faith and sovereignty.

#godalwayshasthelastword

Written by: Wendy Coven Blanchard, MS, INHC, NYCPS

BOOK

For your Christmas stocking – Love, Wendy

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If you attract a partner who is inauthentic time and time again, I suggest, when in doubt of a potential partner, don’t do anything.

I only trust God to bring me the right person in the future. It is so disappointing to me to learn that a man who I trusted just needed his ego fed, a compassionate ear to listen, and offered nothing in return. Thankfully it was never more than a close friendship, well, a one-way friendship.

Oh, the stories I could tell.

But, I won’t.

Recently, with my own eyes and ears, I observed this person doing, and saying the exact things to another woman that he did with me. And she bought in. She was gushing.

Poor woman.

Men like this seek out women who may be going through a difficult time and who needs love and attention. This was my case years ago. Once I become a strong, independent, self sufficient woman, he disconnected and only contacted me when he needed something. He was taking advantage of my good heart and generous spirit.

When in doubt, don’t. Of men or women.

I always listen to my gut, except that I didn’t.

Allow God to choose.

And you will feel the difference. God is love. He will bring you love.

At a certain age in the aging process, I realized that I have me, always and forever. I am all that I need along with my devoted, loving family and dearest friends.

Today, I am the happiest and the most peaceful I have ever been.

Just a little something extra for your Christmas stocking. Savor my words. It is a gift of experience.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK, Harmonious Health 4 Life

A Gentle Reminder of Self Care – Love, Wendy

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The holiday season is here, and I like to remind our community how important practicing self care is every day, and especially during the holiday season where we may feel triggers more easily when engaging with people and specific situations that we may not engage in during the rest of the year.

Prioritize your well being. No job or relationship is worth jeopardizing your wellness.

Purposefully create a safe, quiet space for healing. You will NEVER be able to heal in the midst of chaos or in the company of those who are infusing unhealthy behaviors into your space and causing you anxiety.

The thought that family bonds are “forever and unbreakable” sadly is a fallacy. ANY person who consistently infuses toxicity, drama and triggers anxiety into your space is NOT enriching your life and wellness.

Healthy relationships should enrich, not complicate your life into a spiral of confusion and despair.

Make peace (this takes time and should not be “set” to a timeframe) with the people and situations that are not serving you and discharge them from your life. If we don’t accept these realities and eliminate the emotional and toxic stressors from our lives, it WILL significantly hamper our recovery from the situation and keep us stuck in a dysfunctional mindset and relationship/job/situation.

Your only job in practicing self care is to re-visit your own expectations of self, create realistic, achievable goals, and to create a small action step to achieve that goal. Move forward slowly and strategically. Offer yourself as much time as needed to heal.

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL WHATEVER YOU FEEL FOR AS LONG AS YOU FEEL IT.

YOU are the one who is in charge of your thoughts, behaviors, relationships, happiness, and on the flip side, the unhealthy connections that exacerbate and fuel anxiety, sadness and can even manifest in physical symptoms of dis-ease.

There is NO quick fix.

Being in a hurry to “fix” it only fuels anxiety.

It is a daily process of reminding ourselves of how we want to feel, daily, and how we want to be received by others. What kind of environment do we want to create for ourselves and those we CHOOSE to allow into our space.? We need to ask ourselves, “What will bring me joy today? What do I need in this moment to feel peace? How do I need to love myself today?”

Inherently, we all know the answers to these questions.

The way in which we respond to these self reflection questions directly influences the reality that we create including the relationships and situations that we choose and allow into our space.

1. Speak your truth to yourself first. “To thine own self be true.”

2. Be selfish with your energy. CONSERVE your energy by not expending it in any negative connections through worry, anxiety, anger, etc.

3. Set healthy boundaries. Say “I love myself and my body. My boundaries will speak to others what I will and will NOT accept into my space and energy.”

4. Make a mindful decision to create a safe space for yourself whether at home, at work, or out enjoying fun times with others. Make a mindful decision to never engage in an energy that will drain your own energy.

5. Empower yourself through self care, self compassion and self preservation. This is the way that we empower and teach others.

For more on self care, read my book, Write Pray Recover: A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care available on Amazon and online bookstores worldwide. Or click here: http://www.writeprayrecover.com

Wishing you a blessed and peaceful holiday season.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK

In alignment with love – Love, Wendy

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My daily spiritual practice begins each day in meditation, breathwork, and prayer. Our breath is our most accessible tool in real time to intervene with our physiology.

I use my fireplace and the beauty outside of my window to stimulate my spiritual sense and to connect to the Universe.

I use music to soothe my soul as I pray.

Then I listen for God’s response.

And, as I go forward throughout my day, I am always mindful of my words and of my actions that they may be in alignment with God’s will, with peace, and most of all, in alignment with love for every man, woman, child, animal, plant, living thing.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK

Meet them where they are – Love, Wendy

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If you are working with a therapist or coach to heal symptoms of any mental health disorder and they are using the buzz words of the month to further suppress your feelings because they are “old school,” and are not trained in SEL (social emotional learning) or TIA (Trauma Informed Approach), Motivational Interviewing, and the like, run to the nearest exit.

As therapists and coaches, we should be encouraging our clients to unpack their emotions and feelings, to talk through the trauma, albeit at their own pace, and then we need to teach them new tools and strategies to continue healing, and to embrace uncertainty and triggers as they move forward.

Sayings like, “This too shall pass, You are on your own journey, Everything happens for a reason,” that are meant to stifle us, are more than unhelpful and unhealthy…they are dismissing one’s right to feel, and can cause us to feel shame and guilt about our feelings.

Further, please refrain from using “labels.” We are not “damaged.” Our disorders DO NOT define us. We have lived experience that either traumatized us, or has caused us to live in a heightened state of fear and anxiety, but we CAN AND DO heal if we have the right guidance and spiritual support.

Be mindful of your language. It can be the loving support for one who needs empathy and compassion, or it can further deny one’s right to feel where they become even more fearful to speak their truth.

Be a part of their healing.

Allow them to speak their truth in a safe space without judgement. Simply meet them where they are and allow them to take the lead as you guide them with love.

Love,

Wendy

BOOK

Separation ends when the heart and mind are open. – Love, Wendy

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I embrace my gorgeous heritage of Judaism with deep faith, as well as my new found connection to Christian culture. For me, there is One and the same God. He speaks to me through many channels of belief including Pastors, Rabbis, ordinary citizens, music, and even through my connection to my Guardian Angels.

The God I know is loving, faithful and devoted.

In my spiritual practices and beliefs, He encourages me to be one, and not to put one spiritual theory over another, but to embrace all of spirituality without biases and fear.

We are all loved by Him no matter which spiritual practice we adapt. As long as we live in faith and kindness offering love, and have the ability to receive love, I believe God approves.
In my case, I hear him guide me every single day to embrace all that heals me through abundant knowlege and information.

Separation ends when the heart and mind are open to all perspectives without judgement, and when we welcome God into our hearts and minds through the lens of love.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

BOOK

Breaking the Trauma Bond – Love, Wendy

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People who experienced abuse in childhood often feel drawn to similar relationships in adulthood since the brain already recognizes the highs and lows of the cycle.

“A history of trauma can make it even harder to break trauma bonds, but you can learn to stop this cycle.

A trauma bond is when a person forms a deep emotional attachment with someone that causes them harm. It often develops from a repeated cycle of abuse and positive reinforcement. When this occurs between partners, this is a trauma-bonded relationship.

What are the signs of trauma bonding?

All people experience trauma differently. However, typical signs of trauma bonding include:

  • denial of the other person’s fault
  • justification of their actions
  • increasing isolation from support structures
  • increasing dependence on the partner

What are the 7 stages of trauma bonding?

Some people define trauma bonding in seven stages. There are:

  • love bombing
  • gaining trust and increasing dependency
  • criticism and devaluation
  • gaslighting
  • submission and resignation
  • loss of self and value
  • emotional dependence

Abuse is never your fault. Neither is the development of a trauma bond.

It may take some time to regain a sense of self-worth and feel like you’ve finally broken free, but support from a trained professional can make all the difference.”

Go to www.harmonioushealth4life.com/contact to schedule a time to meet with me virtually or in person.

Although I have training (and lived experience) in Trauma Informed Approach, Trauma Informed Schools and Trauma Informed Yoga, I fell into a “Trauma Bond” relationship early in my recovery from prescription drug addiction. As much training as I have, once I was “bonded” I found it heartbreaking (used to emotional abuse as my compass) to leave. 

I now have nearly 11 years of sustained recovery where I support others in recovery from addiction and mental health disorders. 

Once I entered into a healthier relationship with myself, with God and with another, my “compass” pointed me in a whole new direction.

I am on a path towards deeper healing, a lifelong journey, and I am never alone on my journey, or in my work.

I know who I am. I love who I have become, and I only invest in a partner, a friend, family and acquaintances who invest in me.

We build equity. We are so excited about our future as we plan to move forward. And we stand right beside each other at all times where nothing and no one has the opportunity to break our “Divine bond.”

A trauma bond is built on unhealthy behaviors and abuse. It is cyclical. It can even be impacted by our hormones, specifically a dopamine surge during the time that the abusive partner/child/parent showers one with physical affection, gifts, etc.

A healthy relationship continues to move forward with unconditional love, devotion, joy, integrity, transparency, and mutual purpose, with God at the center of it all. 

A healthy relationship not only says, “I love you,” but aligns their words with loving behaviors where we never have to wonder what today will bring from an unpredictable, unwell partner.

If you would like one on one support and an opportunity to work with me to heal, sign up at www.harmonioushealth4life.com/contact. 

Love and blessings,

Wendy