After we are born and begin our lives, as we are growing and learning, our healthy development is directly dependent upon having a secure and consistent attachment to our caregivers. It is consistency that sits at the core of our healthy mental and physical health.
“This sense of safety and feeling loved allows our nervous system to develop as it’s meant to, and creates the inner template we follow in all of our future relationships.
But when that attachment process is disrupted, it interrupts the healthy development of the nervous system, creating imbalances that have long-lasting psychological and biological effects inside us.”
During a recent therapy session with a trauma specialist, one who uses a trauma informed approach (the six principles of trauma-informed care: safety; trustworthiness and transparency; peer support; collaboration and mutuality; empowerment, voice and choice; and cultural issues) I was led to a heightened state of awareness where I had an epiphany as she encouraged me to “use your own words.” Right between the eyes. I kept repeating the words, “Oh my God, Wow,” over and over and over.
I am still being triggered by trauma. By specific people who aren’t even in my life anymore, and/or who have passed on. And I was feeling mentally drained, and physically unwell.
And although I practice daily self care, a person or situation does trigger emotions that I have not yet fully processed, and healed. And during that therapy session, it felt like the greatest re-awakening of my emotions as I talked about people, places and things that still trigger my deep sadness, anger, and my nervous system…severe and sometimes debilitating anxiety.
And she connected the dots with me…I recognized that I was choosing the same “people” that mirrored the adults tasked with my caregiving from the day I was born. Unhealthy, unstable, irresponsible, inconsistent adults.
All of my past adult relationships, even as recent as 2018, where I left a relationship because I was observing these “inconsistent, and unhealthy behaviors,” consistently, were mirroring the unstable and unhealthy adults in their own relationships that I observed throughout my entire life…consistently. This was the ONLY consistency that I had as a compass…dysfunction and trauma. On that I could always depend. It was my normal.
We live what we learn. And, we can unlearn unhealthy patterns of thoughts and behaviors, and create whatever trajectory we desire through mindful thoughts, behaviors, adapting and learning spiritual solutions and self care, and doing the intense trauma work necessary to heal.
I chose to begin my wellness journey nearly ten years ago, and today, I am still unlearning, and learning for the first time, new healthy practices to support my wellness. These practices provide me with a feeling of deep connection to myself, and to others. I have done so much of the work over this past decade, and I continue to work, and to heal through self awareness, and self exploration and discovery.
I have the awareness as I begin to escalate in my symptoms, and have the tools to be able to self regulate using healthy practices. And I am connected to God/Spirit/Universe at all times which is where I “receive” the information that I need in order to move forward in a healthy and fruitful manner. One that enhances my life, and enhances my relationships. One where I am Divinely guided to make the healthiest choices in every situation as I listen and look beyond my physical limitations.
I have been empowered.
This is a lifelong unlearning and learning journey.
I am now able to discern what it is that will be a healthy choice for me, especially in the relationships that I choose to engage in short term, and in the long term.
Even after nearly a decade, I continue to learn, and more importantly, I continue to have the willingness to learn, in order to promote peace, love and wellness in my life. This includes removing anyone who exhibits even the slightest display of toxic behavior. Whether or not I love the person, is no longer a factor of connection if that person is toxifying my life. I have endured more than my share of toxicity throughout my entire life.
I choose to de-toxify every aspect of my life “in the living years”, and for the living years that are ahead of me. I am excited to live my life…my way, with God/Spirit/Universe at the center of my life.
I am no longer a hostage to all who came before me who lived in a mind prison of fear and accepting abusive, dysfunction, unhealthy and neglectful behaviors from one who “loved” them.
I have unlearned that type of “love.” I now understand the Divine, healthy meaning of LOVE.
My life was saved in order that I find my path upon a lifelong learning journey. Love, compassion, wellness, peace, joy, and service, by the grace of God.
“Say it loud, say it clear, You can listen as well as you hear.
It’s too late, when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye.
It may have a new perspective on a different day
And if you don’t give up, and don’t give in you may just be OK” – The Living Years, Mike and the Mechanics
Speak your truth. Listen to your gut. Follow your heart. Embrace a spiritual practice. Do the work.
Live your life “in the living years.”
It’s too late when we die.
Love and blessings,