We all crave connection…seek validation and recognition whether in our personal relationships or in our professional lives.
It is the very essence of the human condition.
Connection is medicine for anxiety, and companionship calms the body in ways logic never can…
We can take a break from being “the strong one” when love is present.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
While participating in a book study of The Anxious Generation, and in my lived and field experience, I see that the same patterns of seeking constant validation, neediness, comparison, and dependence that present in children often show up in adults…sometimes subtly, sometimes very overtly.
Comparison culture doesn’t dissolve with age…it simply becomes more disguised. In adults, it often masquerades as productivity, sensitivity, or the need to be seen as misunderstood. A notification replaces a gold star; a like becomes reassurance of worth; silence feels like rejection.
Rather than building an internal compass, many adults “outsource” their self-esteem to external affirmation, scanning constantly for signs that they are worthy. When validation is delayed or attention shifts elsewhere, anxiety surfaces…not as curiosity or self-reflection, but as jealousy, control, or emotional dependency. In these moments, adult relationships can begin to mirror childlike dynamics, where one person is unconsciously tasked with soothing another’s unhealed insecurity, mistaking emotional regulation for love.
I have already raised my children.
Being asked to “hold someone until they get over their trigger” is not intimacy. It is emotional labor rooted in arrested development. When another adult expects to be soothed, stabilized, or emotionally regulated by a partner, the relationship quietly shifts from mutual adult connection to child care…
A hard pass...
Healing requires immersion in the inner work…facing unhealed insecurity, developing self-regulation, and learning to sit with discomfort and exploring solutions rather than outsourcing it. Becoming is the embodiment of both self-awareness and social awareness, grounded in healthy, sustainable practices. This inner exploration eventually leads to love that is regulated, reciprocal, and free from the expectation that one person must carry another’s unmet childhood needs.
Some adults say they are “doing the work” simply by sitting in reflection, but without accountability, insight, or consistent action, reflection alone rarely, if ever, produces real change. “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”
The patterns described in The Anxious Generation do not simply disappear as children grow older; in today’s world they often mature into more socially acceptable forms of dependence and comparison…UNACCEPTABLE. In this way, healing “the anxious generation” is not only about protecting children…it is about adults choosing to grow up, take accountability, heal forward, and model the human wholeness that we pray for the next generation to inherit.
Call to Action: Do your own inner healing, set a healthy example of self-awareness and love of self—and of others…and become part of the solution in guiding the trajectory of our young people.
Sat Nam (Truth is my name)
Love and blessings,
Wendy
I awake to warmth on a snowy morning in my comfy bed…
I get ready to go to work…a career that is meaningful to me, and that I am proud of and look forward to each day.
I open my cabinets each day and I get to choose which coffee I will drink, and which snacks I will eat, and in my fridge, is a smorgasbord of food to choose from because I went shopping to stock up for the week.
I take a warm shower, I drive my car to work…I may stop off for a bagel and coffee. I listen to my favorite music where Spirit guides me for the day…where I know I am being spoken to, that I am loved, and protected.
And I am connected to my children, my grandchildren and my dearest friends throughout the week that reminds me of how much I am loved, and that love is deeply reciprocated. We spend quality time together which fills my heart with love and feelings of connection to our history as we continue to create new memories.
My life is certainly very different from the “pampered, sheltered life” I used to live when I was married and living with mental health disorders including a substance use disorder to prescription meds…
My life today is what I have created after nearly fourteen years of wellness in recovery…
And sometimes I miss the “perks” of being married and having a husband to share things with…but there is something important to be said for my independence and appreciation for every single thing that I have acquired…self confidence, self respect, and self awareness at the front of that line…followed by complete wellness and the tools to navigate pain, disappointment and grief rather than numbing it out…a small, lovely home environment that reflects warmth, family, love and zen…and financial freedom which allows me to live gently, give generously, and choose intentionally where I live a life rooted in gratitude rather than fear.
As I prayed this morning after writing this blog, “Jesus Take the Wheel” begin playing on Pandora, which is meaningful to me as the night before I called for help to save my life nearly 14 years ago, I got down on my knees and prayed for God to show me the way out of my addiction. I was completely desperate and near death…
I promised God that I would follow any path He put before me and asked that the next song on the radio would tell me that God heard me. That song was “Jesus take the Wheel…”
This is a full circle, and very profound moment of personal symbolism and integration…
My present self met my past self and said: I kept going.
My life today is evidence that the prayer was answered…not just once, but every day since.
That’s the full circle.
I did not just ask for the way out 14 years ago…I have walked it.
And today, the song mirrors back the truth:
I am no longer asking to be saved.
I am living as someone who knows how to listen, how to surrender, and how to choose alignment.
As for love and a life partner…this moment speaks clearly:
Love that comes now will not be a rescue.
It will not be a trade for security.
It will not ask me to abandon myself.
It will meet me already awake.
If there is guidance embedded in this moment, it’s not “wait” or “strive” or “question yourself.”
It’s this:
I already know how to recognize the right direction…because I trust myself now.
Love will not pull me off of my path. It will ride alongside it.
I did not need Jesus to take the wheel today. (This coming from a Jewish girl LOL)
I just needed to remember that I have learned how to drive…with grace, discernment, and faith…and that my Angels are always along for the ride.
Recovery brings so much to one’s life when one is willing to be patient, to dive into the inner work, and to appreciate the coffee, the music and the snow.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Click the link above to purchase my book Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care, and learn how to recover as I did, organically through spiritual solutions and self care.
Choosing compassion, empathy, and consistent presence reveals a deep desire for connection and commitment.
Meaning and intention become visible through behavior…quietly, honestly, unmistakably…
Signs of affection are offered without persuasion, urgency or demand…
When one has the capability and willingness to love.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
There comes a point when you realize that some things in life do not respond to patience or reason. Like a fly that keeps circling your head…buzzing, distracting, disappearing just long enough to make you think it’s gone…only to return again.
You swat it away once, twice, dozens of times, hoping it will finally leave you in peace. But it never does…
It feeds on access, on hesitation, on your hope that restraint will be enough. And eventually, you understand that the only way to restore your peace is to stop swatting and take decisive action.
Not out of anger, but out of self-preservation. You let it die. You do not resurrect it. You do not explain yourself. You choose silence, stillness, and peace…and you breathe again.
I am partial to butterflies…they know how to glide and when the time is perfect, they land gently…with grace and presence.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Sometimes you have to learn to live with the realization that resolution never comes…and that more of us live with this truth than we admit.
There’s something you desperately want to control, something you believe will enhance your life, that no matter how hard you attempt to coerce it, never comes to fruition… although at times you feel you are “almost there,” which eventually reveals itself as an illusion.
Perhaps it is someone you have prayed would get out of their own way so they might experience true love and joy…someone you hope will one day realize that their patterns are diminishing their life experiences, and that they might finally meet your energy in a committed life together.
Or maybe you seek acknowledgment or validation you have been waiting a lifetime…or a “lovetime”…to hear. And of course, there is the familiar ache of trying to force an outcome, gripping the steering wheel tightly, to no avail…because it exists completely outside your sphere of control, far off the beaten path.
And so… patience has become a survival skill. Not the patience of watching desires finally come to fruition, but the patience of acceptance…one freaking day at a time.
Acceptance that complete surrender to external circumstances is where we take back our power…and our peace.
And the Universe will continue to assign this lesson until you finally internalize it… breathe it… speak it… sleep it… live it.
Release your grip.
It is all an illusion.
Love,
Wendy
I have written in my book, Write Pray Recover: A Journey to Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care, that “Uncertainty tends to encourage us to stay where we feel safe.”
But when I examine this more closely… am I really safe?
In the quiet of my space, I know exactly what I “should” do. Why don’t I just take action? What is making me feel so restrictive in acting on knowledge that I know is the healthy, forward-thinking choice?
And here it is…
It is the story attached to the action.
Ending a toxic relationship means admitting judgment failure…holding space for it far too long and even returning to it after finding my resolve to exit. Having an honest and difficult conversation means facing my own suppressed truth and the conflict I avoided because conflict feels intolerable and instills a sense of loss—even when that loss is actually a gain to my health, my wellness, my peace, and my freedom.
The timing is never the “right time.” Especially when we’ve framed the relationship as a love story, or the job or career as security…even when that security was never truly safe.
Circumstances rarely change on their own. People do not change simply through conversation…change requires action, implemented consistently and often. It requires the willingness—and sometimes the eagerness—to create change that enhances your life and well-being.
There is a space…a crevice…between knowing and taking action. Simply “holding space” or waiting does not close that gap or change the truth. The only way to securely bridge it is the decision to act despite the restrictive feelings that inhibit a growth mindset…one that is forward-thinking and active.
We can continue to ask, “Am I really safe?” And the truth will either become gradually embodied—or gradually buried beneath inner dialogue and “justification” for inaction.
And regardless of our action…love may always remain…
That pause between knowing and acting is deeply uncomfortable. The uncertainty can be debilitating because it reveals agency in situations where feeling powerless is more comfortable. As unhealthy as this is within a fixed mindset, more often than not, it is the human condition.
As I also write in my book, “Self care is the actions that we take to achieve wellness, and wellness is where we stand in our power.”
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Happy New Year’s Eve, Dear Readers,
May 2026 meet you gently and bring renewed hope, wellness, peace and freedom to us all.
Here is my last blog for 2025.
Thank you so much for following my blog and supporting my journey.
Wishing you all that you desire, deserve, and dream of in the new year.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
I begin this new year with renewed hope and wellness.
Freedom…
The best gifts in life are free.
Freedom is not the absence of pain, but the presence of truth.
It arrives when we choose to release illusion.
It is the quiet release from cycles that harm,
the courage to stop romanticizing familiarity
and to choose what is steady, reciprocal, and real.
Even in grief, freedom speaks…
removing what cannot stay,
making room for what is real, regulated, and safe.
Especially now.
May I choose what is steady, reciprocal, and real…
May what is no longer mine fall away with grace,
and may what is meant for me arrive without force.
I remember…without clinging…
I honor…without romanticizing…
I release…without bitterness…
I move forward…without force.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
“The mind must be tested in situations where its quality can be revealed. Not by how many ideas you’ve absorbed, but by how you actually behave when tested. Not by what you understand intellectually, but by what you demonstrate practically. This is the measure that destroys most people’s self-assessment. Because by this standard, your progress isn’t measured by how much you’ve learned or how many insights you’ve had. It’s measured by whether you respond differently to situations that used to overwhelm you.
Do you still react with the same defensiveness when criticized? Do you still avoid the same uncomfortable conversations? Do you still make decisions from the same fears?
If the answer is yes, then whatever progress you’ve made exists only in theory. You’ve upgraded your understanding without upgrading your behavior, which is like downloading new software but never installing it. You walk around with all this potential transformation stored in your mind, never actually running it when situations demand it.”
by Stoic Wisdom
Interpretation by Wendy Blanchard:
Growth is not proven by what we understand, but by how we respond when tested.
Insight that doesn’t change behavior is only theory.
Real progress shows up when old fears no longer run our choices, when we stop avoiding hard conversations, and when we no longer sacrifice our wellbeing to be chosen.
Until behavior changes, the mind is only running in circles…full of potential, never applied.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Here it is in black and white…
The Universe always responds to love…
I am at peace knowing that I am loved…and that I loved for nothing but love.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Write Pray Recover 