Category: BOOK

If you are working with a therapist or coach to heal symptoms of any mental health disorder and they are using the buzz words of the month to further suppress your feelings because they are “old school,” and are not trained in SEL (social emotional learning) or TIA (Trauma Informed Approach), Motivational Interviewing, and the like, run to the nearest exit.

As therapists and coaches, we should be encouraging our clients to unpack their emotions and feelings, to talk through the trauma, albeit at their own pace, and then we need to teach them new tools and strategies to continue healing, and to embrace uncertainty and triggers as they move forward.

Sayings like, “This too shall pass, You are on your own journey, Everything happens for a reason,” that are meant to stifle us, are more than unhelpful and unhealthy…they are dismissing one’s right to feel, and can cause us to feel shame and guilt about our feelings.

Further, please refrain from using “labels.” We are not “damaged.” Our disorders DO NOT define us. We have lived experience that either traumatized us, or has caused us to live in a heightened state of fear and anxiety, but we CAN AND DO heal if we have the right guidance and spiritual support.

Be mindful of your language. It can be the loving support for one who needs empathy and compassion, or it can further deny one’s right to feel where they become even more fearful to speak their truth.

Be a part of their healing.

Allow them to speak their truth in a safe space without judgement. Simply meet them where they are and allow them to take the lead as you guide them with love.

Love,

Wendy

That gut feeling you have… It is God speaking to you.

Listen and see what He is showing you. Find strength in His love to do what is right and what is best for YOU.

If we don’t take heed, this circumstance will show up again and may cause us to become unwell.

Following Spirit’s guidance is the best STRESS reliever.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

I embrace my gorgeous heritage of Judaism with deep faith, as well as my new found connection to Christian culture. For me, there is One and the same God. He speaks to me through many channels of belief including Pastors, Rabbis, ordinary citizens, music, and even through my connection to my Guardian Angels.

The God I know is loving, faithful and devoted.

In my spiritual practices and beliefs, He encourages me to be one, and not to put one spiritual theory over another, but to embrace all of spirituality without biases and fear.

We are all loved by Him no matter which spiritual practice we adapt. As long as we live in faith and kindness offering love, and have the ability to receive love, I believe God approves.
In my case, I hear him guide me every single day to embrace all that heals me through abundant knowlege and information.

Separation ends when the heart and mind are open to all perspectives without judgement, and when we welcome God into our hearts and minds through the lens of love.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

People who experienced abuse in childhood often feel drawn to similar relationships in adulthood since the brain already recognizes the highs and lows of the cycle.

“A history of trauma can make it even harder to break trauma bonds, but you can learn to stop this cycle.

A trauma bond is when a person forms a deep emotional attachment with someone that causes them harm. It often develops from a repeated cycle of abuse and positive reinforcement. When this occurs between partners, this is a trauma-bonded relationship.

What are the signs of trauma bonding?

All people experience trauma differently. However, typical signs of trauma bonding include:

• denial of the other person’s fault
• justification of their actions
• increasing isolation from support structures
• increasing dependence on the partner

What are the 7 stages of trauma bonding?

Some people define trauma bonding in seven stages. There are:

• love bombing
• gaining trust and increasing dependency
• criticism and devaluation
• gaslighting
• submission and resignation
• loss of self and value
• emotional dependence

Abuse is never your fault. Neither is the development of a trauma bond.

It may take some time to regain a sense of self-worth and feel like you’ve finally broken free, but support from a trained professional can make all the difference.”

Go to www.harmonioushealth4life.com/contact to schedule a time to meet with me virtually or in person.

Although I have training (and lived experience) in Trauma Informed Approach, Trauma Informed Schools and Trauma Informed Yoga, I fell into a “Trauma Bond” relationship early in my recovery from prescription drug addiction. As much training as I have, once I was “bonded” I found it heartbreaking (used to emotional abuse as my compass) to leave. 

I now have nearly 11 years of sustained recovery where I support others in recovery from addiction and mental health disorders. 

Once I entered into a healthier relationship with myself, with God and with another, my “compass” pointed me in a whole new direction.

I am on a path towards deeper healing, a lifelong journey, and I am never alone on my journey, or in my work.

I know who I am. I love who I have become, and I only invest in a partner, a friend, family and acquaintances who invest in me.

We build equity. We are so excited about our future as we plan to move forward. And we stand right beside each other at all times where nothing and no one has the opportunity to break our “Divine bond.”

A trauma bond is built on unhealthy behaviors and abuse. It is cyclical. It can even be impacted by our hormones, specifically a dopamine surge during the time that the abusive partner/child/parent showers one with physical affection, gifts, etc.

A healthy relationship continues to move forward with unconditional love, devotion, joy, integrity, transparency, and mutual purpose, with God at the center of it all. 

A healthy relationship not only says, “I love you,” but aligns their words with loving behaviors where we never have to wonder what today will bring from an unpredictable, unwell partner.

If you would like one on one support and an opportunity to work with me to heal, sign up at www.harmonioushealth4life.com/contact. 

Love and blessings,

Wendy

If someone had only believed in me as I was growing up, encouraged me to reach my full potential, and loved me unconditionally, I could have followed my dream. I could have been someone that I chose to be.

Instead, I live the life that I was told to live because I wasn’t “good enough/intelligent enough/talented enough” to follow my passion and my dream.

I was told that I’d “never get an interview” because I wasn’t good enough. I got that interview. However, the constant degrading and abuse of my character and of my dreams were trampled upon, daily, and I became lost and despondent. Layers of abuse leading to decades of prescription drug addiction to mask the pain.

I exist in a life that is not by choice now as I am of a certain age and lost so many years in my addiction.

The silver lining is my 10 1/2 years of sustained sobriety, and the deep love of my family and other special people.

Now I give to my children what I did not get. I believe in their ability to achieve everything they dream of, and I encourage them to never give in, or give up.

I plant a seed and then step back and allow the seed to grow as they would like to grow their grit, their craft, and to shape their life, even as full grown adults, and I support them every step of the way.

Love,

Wendy

“The psychology of forgiveness has various definitions. The broadest definition is an adaptive human instinct activated in certain social situations (McCullough, 2008). By this definition, forgiveness does not require a future relationship with someone who has wronged you. It frees you instead of the instinct for vengeance.

The psychology of self-compassion has been empirically backed through the work of Kristin Neff. Self-compassion is conceptualized in three components” (Neff, 2003):

1. Expressing kindness toward oneself and viewing one’s shortcomings with a nonjudgmental attitude.
2. Connecting one’s experience of suffering with that of the collective human experience.
3. Become mindful of suffering without becoming attached or making it a part of one’s identity.”

For many of us, it is usually self compassion and self forgiveness that challenges us. We get stuck where self love and self respect that is necessary to let ourselves off the hook has not been our experience, and we come from an emotional mind/response, rather than our logical/wise mind.

“These two virtues of forgiveness, and self-compassion are found in all areas of religion in various ways. Spirituality and science overlap in foundational ways to allow for the human experience to bond us in a collective experience. Interventions that value the unique worldview of each individual will be more impactful, as they allow for individual belief systems to be enhanced by science.”

Love and blessings,

Wendy

When God tells you that you must unlearn unhealthy behaviors and learn to be “like a rock” in order to lead your family and to live your own best life, and then your son turns to you during, and in the aftermath of a family emergency and says, “Mom, you are my rock,” I recognize the blessing that God has bestowed upon me. My daughter speaks similar sentiments and says, “Mom, you have changed so much over the last decade. You are so calm and filled with insight and wisdom. I need you.” 

Although it took years of deep and intense inner work over the years, and I continue this work, I have recognized myself “like a rock” in order to lead my family as God has asked of me, and in order to remain in a wellness mindset for myself.

Last night, after 36 hours of complete confusion and heartbreak, I too marveled at the order and zen that I felt and displayed at work, and for my family in the middle of one of the most heartbreaking and frightening times as a family…

My precious granddaughter, Rosie, age 15, has Leukemia.

Blindsided and devasting for all of us. She will receive treatment immediately, and we know she WILL beat this.

The gift of recovery (from addiction, now over a decade of sustained wellness for me) is finding oneself through God/Spirit/Universe/Divine, and then using that power of self to lead by example. And of course, gently sharing my Spiritual beliefs with my children so that they understand that in times of adversity and challenge, for me, it has been God and my faith in God that has carried me through.

As I write about in my book, Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care, God is at the core of every word that I speak, and every action that I take. And, the first chapter of my book is entitled, “Look Up, Child.”

Amen.

Look Up, Child.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

Upon learning about the “love scam,” cheating, deceit and lies, I went from feeling a spiritual love and connection second to none, to full disdain.

It is always the “truth” that sets you free, no matter how unpleasant and disdainful it turns out to be, and Spirit is always surrounding us with the love, support and guidance that steers us back to pure love.

Love,

Wendy

My spiritual beliefs and the way in which I practice spending time with God and hearing His message is very personal.

And I have heard God speak to me, and have seen Him show me information that I would have never seen if I had not been open to a spiritual relationship…one where I hear, see and feel beyond my physical limitations.

He is the foundation on which I continue to build my life.

I experience His message every morning in prayer, and all throughout the day as I continue to seek Him as my guide and teacher.

God/Spirit/Universe/Source is a subjective and personal experience for each of us as we align with a spiritual relationship that brings us joy, love, peace and a deeper understanding of the Divine individual purpose in our lives.

Love,

Wendy