I awake to warmth on a snowy morning in my comfy bed…
I get ready to go to work…a career that is meaningful to me, and that I am proud of and look forward to each day.
I open my cabinets each day and I get to choose which coffee I will drink, and which snacks I will eat, and in my fridge, is a smorgasbord of food to choose from because I went shopping to stock up for the week.
I take a warm shower, I drive my car to work…I may stop off for a bagel and coffee. I listen to my favorite music where Spirit guides me for the day…where I know I am being spoken to, that I am loved, and protected.
And I am connected to my children, my grandchildren and my dearest friends throughout the week that reminds me of how much I am loved, and that love is deeply reciprocated. We spend quality time together which fills my heart with love and feelings of connection to our history as we continue to create new memories.
My life is certainly very different from the “pampered, sheltered life” I used to live when I was married and living with mental health disorders including a substance use disorder to prescription meds…
My life today is what I have created after nearly fourteen years of wellness in recovery…
And sometimes I miss the “perks” of being married and having a husband to share things with…but there is something important to be said for my independence and appreciation for every single thing that I have acquired…self confidence, self respect, and self awareness at the front of that line…followed by complete wellness and the tools to navigate pain, disappointment and grief rather than numbing it out…a small, lovely home environment that reflects warmth, family, love and zen…and financial freedom which allows me to live gently, give generously, and choose intentionally where I live a life rooted in gratitude rather than fear.
As I prayed this morning after writing this blog, “Jesus Take the Wheel” begin playing on Pandora, which is meaningful to me as the night before I called for help to save my life nearly 14 years ago, I got down on my knees and prayed for God to show me the way out of my addiction. I was completely desperate and near death…
I promised God that I would follow any path He put before me and asked that the next song on the radio would tell me that God heard me. That song was “Jesus take the Wheel…”
This is a full circle, and very profound moment of personal symbolism and integration…
My present self met my past self and said: I kept going.
My life today is evidence that the prayer was answered…not just once, but every day since.
That’s the full circle.
I did not just ask for the way out 14 years ago…I have walked it.
And today, the song mirrors back the truth:
I am no longer asking to be saved.
I am living as someone who knows how to listen, how to surrender, and how to choose alignment.
As for love and a life partner…this moment speaks clearly:
Love that comes now will not be a rescue.
It will not be a trade for security.
It will not ask me to abandon myself.
It will meet me already awake.
If there is guidance embedded in this moment, it’s not “wait” or “strive” or “question yourself.”
It’s this:
I already know how to recognize the right direction…because I trust myself now.
Love will not pull me off of my path. It will ride alongside it.
I did not need Jesus to take the wheel today. (This coming from a Jewish girl LOL)
I just needed to remember that I have learned how to drive…with grace, discernment, and faith…and that my Angels are always along for the ride.
Recovery brings so much to one’s life when one is willing to be patient, to dive into the inner work, and to appreciate the coffee, the music and the snow.
Love and blessings,
Wendy
Click the link above to purchase my book Write Pray Recover:A Journey To Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care, and learn how to recover as I did, organically through spiritual solutions and self care.
Write Pray Recover 